May 15th, 2012 by Choking Yak
Today we mark the birth anniversary of our first and our greatest, the incomparable Rabid Emu. He was the Chosen One, the one to bring balance to the force. And now look at him. Well, whatever. Today’s your birthday.
Let’s all pretend that I actually posted that up on Sunday, when it was his actual birthday, and not today, which is two days past his actual birthday. I really had typed that out in preparation for a post on Sunday, but unavoidable life events got in the way. Mainly forgetfulness and (when the forgetfulness passed) laziness. But regardless of the significance of May 13th, the focus should not be lost upon the truly important things, like what’s happening today, on May 15th.
My friends, we stand on the edge of history, witnessing the third coming of our cruel and terrible dark lord. How many hours of our lives have we poured into this franchise over the decades, how many slices of our souls have we given in worship? Gaming history’s greatest franchise takes its third step upon the world, and the land trembles beneath its terrible weight.
That’s right.
Battleship, the video game adaptation of the hit movie, comes out today. I know, I can’t believe we’re finally here.
After the 1993 NES port and the undated version available on the passenger seat screens of Turkish Airline flights, you knew that they couldn’t just leave it at that – there had to be a third game. And today, that promise is delivered.
I just wish I knew more about it. The first review on its metacritic page describes it as such…
Battleship for Wii is a poorly executed turn-based strategy game, that uses traditional controls instead of what the Nintendo console is capable.
Yes, a review that denounces the reader for even daring to think about forgetting all the technological capabilities of the Nintendo Wii console, in 2012. To play Battleship.
What’s that? Oh, you thought I was going to talk about Max Payne 3 instead? Oh, you’re so silly.
10: 22 a.m. PDT- We are in the process of performing an emergency maintenance for all Diablo III servers to resolve several issues that are currently impacting the game. This maintenance may cause some interruption in communication, ability to log in, use of in-game features, and disconnections. We anticipate all servers will be available for play in approximately 1 hour.
Thank you for your patience.
May 2nd, 2012 by Choking Yak
STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES
According to this uh…internet article thing, Universal Pictures has signed these two dudes, a writing/producing team, Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci to make some movies or something. They already have two projects in mind, and this being the year 2012 and the way Hollywood works, both are of course, remakes. One is a remake of the 1999 indisputably seminal work The Mummy (itself a remake of the 1932 The Mummy). The other?
The pair will also develop and produce Universal’s reimagined Van Helsing, with Tom Cruise attached to star in and produce the film.
Van Helsing.
Tom Cruise.
CHECK-motherfucking-MATE.
- Let me just get this on record in case it blows up and I end up hating it because it’s gone mainstream…I watched the pilot of Veep yesterday starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus as the Vice President. It’s apparently the Americanized version of the British series The Thick of It, which I only know from the movie version, In The Loop. By far the greatest thing about that show was Peter Capaldi brilliant performance as Malcolm Tucker, Director of Communications for the Prime Minister. Unfortunately his American counterpart here seems like the weakest link now, but I thought it was still pretty well done overall as far as imported British comedies go.
It also stars Anna Chlumsky, which you might best remember as either the girl from My Girl, the girl from My Girl 2, or the other Liz in 30 Rock that Floyd (aka Flower Guy) is initially dating. She was also playing virtually the same role in In The Loop, which is an interesting holdover…it could almost be considered an American spin-off if she was a more prominent character, which she isn’t. Also it should be noted that she married a Chinese dude and had a pretty chinky wedding. So I feel like I’m obligated to give this show a shot even just solely based on principle.
Also it has Tony Hale in it doing Tony Hale things. Just watch it already!
- And if that doesn’t whet your longing appetite for previous Arrested Development cast members, maybe this weird trailer for Mansome will do it for you. I don’t know if this is a documentary or an actual full feature movie, and the actual content seems pretty wack, but it has Bateman and Arnett featured together prominently, so there’s really nothing else to say.
- Must…stop…browsing…eBay taxidermy section…
- Mad Men is the absolute best show on television right now though, and I don’t even know how to describe or sell it to people that don’t already watch the show. “It’s about some rich white dudes in the 60′s who cheat on their wives and drink at work. Also, most of them are pretty racist and the ominous tone of domestic abuse lingers over every episode.” Actually, that sounds pretty great. Basically it is a show about first world problems, which we can all relate to. I also particularly enjoyed the recent episode in which Peggy tries to pull a Don Draper without realizing that the Don Draper method requires very specific criteria. And then later she is like no, you will not finger bang ME, I will finger bang YOU, I AM THE BOSS NOT DON, HEINZ YOU SELL YOUR BEANS LIKE THIS
Also, there is Fat Betty. That made me laugh much more than I originally expected.
- I don’t remember how I stumbled onto this, but I think you’d be doing yourself a disservice and every member of this band if you didn’t watch Andrew Bird perform the HELL out of this violin. This is one of those songs that makes me immediately want to get up off my lazy ass, drive to the store, and buy every album this guy’s ever made. And by that, I mean “remain in my chair and just torrent his entire discography.” Ah, the internet. If you cannot vividly imagine this song in a random bullshit indie movie trailer, then get the hell off my site.
Yes, I am posting a link to a 2005 song in 2012. That is what’s happening.
- Hey, it’s a Parks and Recreation blooper reel. I love these things, I still watch the Always Sunny clips from time to time if I’m bored…or the Arrested Development ones if I’m feeling depressed. I have no idea why they chose to cut that last bit with Andy drinking scotch out, that killed me worse than anything that actually made it to air.
VAAAAAAN HELSIIIIIING!!!
April 19th, 2012 by Choking Yak
I woke up this morning expecting pancakes to be waiting for me in my kitchen for some reason.
There were none. I live by myself and did not actually sleepcook them prior to waking up. I don’t even have any stuff to make pancakes with in my place, it was a wholly unreasonable expectation to have had.
- “Professional athlete” Bartolo Colon threw 8 innings of 4-hit, no-walk ball in Oakland’s 6-0 win over the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (man that sounds stupider each time I see it) last night, at one point throwing an absurd 38 strikes in a row. That seems like a lot to me, but only because everyone keeps saying that it was a lot – I have no historical context in which to compare this feat against. Apparently the second longest streak was 30 by Tim Wakefield in the last 24 years there’s been data to check, but I still don’t know what that means. Teammate Johnny Gomes even said…
“You can’t get 38 strikes out of a pitching machine,” Oakland outfielder Jonny Gomes said. “I’ve never seen anything remotely close.”
I think it might be time to buy a new pitching machine then, because I think that is the singular purpose having a pitching machine – to throw strikes. You can only Moneyball this shit so far, Oakland. It still doesn’t really sound that impressive (I mean some of them are hits!) but yet there is an entire three minute, 50 second video of every pitch. God, just look at his Olympian physique. That is who I am going to model my softball game after. I mean I am a third baseman that doesn’t pitch, but it’s all in the fundamentals.
Similarly, I want to model my handshake game after young gun Blue Jays third baseman Brett Lawrie. Not my actual game though, that would make no sense.
No, I’m going to model my actual game after this Adonis.
- Holy shit, the Canadian mint is issuing special edition dinosaur quarters. And its skeleton glows in the dark! I want to pay for something using nothing but glow in the dark, legal dinosaur tender. Like just roll up to a car dealership and open a suitcase full of 300,000 quarters and just make it rain, Cretaceous style. And this suitcase would probably outweigh the actual car you’re buying, which just makes it even that much more baller.
- More bullshit Prometheus viral advertising, this time another Weyland Industries (completely different from the Weyland-Yutani Corporation from Alien) video featuring their newest android model or whatever. It makes sense – I mean if future sex doll technology is so advanced, obviously there’s no sexual adventures left for humans on Earth…thus they take to the stars to find weirder things to have sex with. I’m pretty sure that’s the concept that Star Trek was based on, what with all their holodecks and whatnot. My favourite thing about the video is how they are delivered in these bags full of milky liquid and Styrofoam cubes that you can hang in your closet – now that is something that belongs on the set of The Spotter. You can also check out the capabilities of its “99% emotional sensitivity level” on the movie site here. I’m not sure about you, but looks like Fassbender enrolled into the Ron Swanson school of acting for this one. Playing a robot in a movie requires a difficult subtly that is not always appreciated by audiences. Few can really capture it, and fewer still can master it.
Also, apparently the word is that the planet the Prometheus crew is investigating will be LV-223, which is completely different from the planet from the first two Alien movies, LV-446. So again, to anyone that thinks this movie is even remotely linked to any existing franchises, here’s yet another piece of cold hard evidence to shut you all up.
- This is both topical and well done! Cutting stupid moments into famous movies is really pretty great.
- I’m not sure how to put this gently…but I think I hate Zooey Deschanel. Like maybe it’s just too much now, every time I see one of these things I just want to tell her to take all that magic pixie bullshit and shove it. Fuck your quirkiness, if you’re wondering if it’s raining, LOOK OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW
I wrote this song a long time ago
It was the dopest song I ever wrote
In ’94
April 16th, 2012 by Choking Yak
Quickly, rank these face-offs by order of suspense!
Ross vs Lorenzo in a race-off!
A StarCraft 2 cheese-off!
That scene from Deliverance with the banjo-off!
God, so exciting. How about that Mavericks/Dallas game from last night that featured two seven foot Europeans with threeing-off (okay I’ll stop now) in overtime? Now where does that rank?
I personally think it’s closer to Deliverance, due to the participation of people that may be possibly retarded. Like Lakers head coach Mike Brown all miked up and doing his best impression of AL Pacino in Any Given Sunday, just goosebumps all over. CAUSE THAT’S WHAT LIVING IS
Mike Brown’s just got something that all the great leaders of men like Pacino’s got…charisma. Like everything he does exudes greatness. That is a man that will die with his dignity intact.
Also good that the Lakers had Coach Kobe to rely on in the game as he sits out from injury and simultaneously fucks my fantasy team’s title chances in the ass. SHIVA! I love watching Kobe completely ham it up for the cameras and trying to pretend like he gives a shit about anyone on the team. That is why he is the best. I just imagine all of those conversations ending like this.
You’re welcome.
April 11th, 2012 by Choking Yak
I ate a donut today, and God it was so delicious. It was free too, so it made it even better.
- Forget Anchorman 2 – the premiere comedy everyone should be anticipating a comeback sequel from is Twins. Yes, that 1988 classic where Ahnuld and Danny DeVito play fraternal twins is adding another long lost brother to the mix, Eddie Murphy, to make it Triplets. I know Hollywood goes overboard sometimes looking to produce movies loosely based on questionable IPs in some wacky effort to build name recognition before the movie even comes out…but I think this time they definitely nailed it. Based on Eddie Murphy’s involvement, a G-rated comedy makes sense, with DeVito’s (or his voice’s) success with The Lorax making a shit poop ton of money. Similarly, I can only imagine what sort of action or sci-fi scripts that Ahnuld turned down during all those years that he was too busy as a real life governor of an American state, but after so many years away, I would think that he’d be eager to first return to his Jingle All the Way, Kindergarten Cop kid movie roots. Returning to the Twins universe was obviously very high up on his list as well, as it should be.
- Blue Jays are back, baby. I don’t know why people are always so confused about why I love baseball, I mean just look at stuff like this – I mean there’s graphs in there, there’s data points, statistics…it doesn’t even feel like a sport to me anymore, it’s like a video game. Seeing the shift take away Adrian Gonzalez’s shot up the middle (and Brett Lawrie gunning him down from what is actually shallow center field at that point) actually gets me sexually aroused. Empirical data used in practical ways, UUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH that’s good. And I read shit like this all the time, it gets me going.
And it’s not even purely baseball, I mean check out the shot chart on this baby, indicating that Kevin Love is just as good (or actually better) at shooting threes from the wing rather than just the corner, and can shoot them pulling up off the dribble…meaning that crafty old Rick Adelman can use him as the ball handler in high pick-and-rolls for open threes. That’s exciting to me because he’s a power forward!
“It’s a fun play that can be effective with maybe two power forwards in this league, and Kevin Love is one of them.”
Guess who the other one is? That’s right, the other white power forward, this guy!
Except only one of them averaged like 30/14 in March while the other’s career rebounding average is 4.9 boards a game…and only one of them is seven feet tall (not the one you’d think). Does hating Andrea Bargnani cause you to appreciate Kevin Love more? It’s hard to tell because there’s so many legitimate reasons to like him. For example, his SLAM cover with Ricky Rubio. In comparison to Kevin Garnett’s 1997 cover with Stephon Marbury. The past and present Minnesotan star point guard/power forward duo…except one pair is white and one pair is (SUPER) black! Bonus: I don’t know what is the funnier headline – “THE BULLS? AGAIN?” or “JEREMY LIN IS THE NEW KING OF NEW YORK” – both are just so ironically delicious in their own ways.
How do people live in this world without being able to appreciate stuff like this? Can’t imagine life like that.
- Another great thing that the world of sports gives us – the insanity of competition that manifests itself in our tendencies to arbitrarily rank and compare everything that exists in the world. Mad Men Power Rankings is a good example. The linked article is from the latest episode, so obviously there is a spoilage warning in effect here. Find your way to previous episodes linked therein. But yes, Sally Draper is definitely turning into a serial killer right before our very eyes. I’m so proud.
- If PAX has taught be anything about the coming year, is that two things will be huge. One, Quantum Conundrum looks really fun, it’s like Portal but where you switch into different states of reality instead of a portal. Honestly the whole thing just seems like a Portal mod (which is meant as a compliment), which is probably due to the fact that it’s made by the lead designer of Portal (and the Left 4 Dead‘s). I’m trying to think of ways for a woman to have more attractive attributes than that, and I got nothing. Her brain makes her hot, like Peggy Olson. Yes, you go and plunder Roger Sterling’s apparent bottomless pants pockets, yessssssssssUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHnotagain.
Second next big thing that PAX showed me – feet shoes. Or whatever they call these things. I saw like a dozen separate, otherwise normal looking people wearing these. I had no idea they were even like a thing prior to this weekend, nevermind that people actually wore them out in public. This blew my fucking mind. I gotta jump in on this fad (feet first, HAHA!) and get me some of those authentic Captain America feet shoes. Now those are some fresh kicks.
Also, I saw a dude who was walking around on the convention floor with a Virtual Boy harnessed to him. I have no idea why, it wasn’t even on or anything, he was just doing it.
- This is a wacky video with Danny Pudi (including a cameo of Steven “Glenn” Yeun!). Good on him for exploring alternate stuff like Alison Brie here, covering some Childish Gambino song (that Troy guy needs to figure out something non-Community to do as well just in case). I mean if that Mad Men thing flops, she’s got to find some way to support herself when her network sitcom gets canned because it’s too busy alienating casual viewers with insane, awesome Ken Burns style documentary episodes.
Similarly, is 30 Rock dropping Bad Doctor lines again? Jesus, guys, come on. I don’t know if it’s Parns or Tina, but you guys better cool it before you end up like the others.
Now, full disclosure – I lost your ring at a BoDeans concert.
March 29th, 2012 by Choking Yak
Holy shit, that was certainly some crazy news we all woke up to this morning right? Or for those of you more hip to the scene I guess it was last night, but wow, a long time coming. I’ve lost track of the years, but you can’t deny it – as a cornerstone of our generation, the expectations are going to be pretty high regardless of how many years have passed and all the lukewarm stops he’s had in-between. Regardless, I don’t know about you, but I’m excited.
Yes, that’s right, for those of you who haven’t heard yet, Omar Vizquel will break camp with the Blue Jays, winning the job over Mike McCoy and Luis Valbuena. As the only player with options remaining it was a longshot that McCoy was ever going to make the team, and Valbuena was not a bad Plan B for second base back before the Kelly Johnson arbitration situation was all settled. Obviously the team felt the intangible benefits of having Vizquel around outweighed the potential tangible benefits over Valbuena. Not that there even may have been any – most projections have both of them sitting at a wOBA of .280ish, and considering Vizquel’s ability as a 11 time Gold Glove winner to handle three infield positions…it makes sense. And let’s be honest – if this decision to bring Vizquel north with the team instead of Valbuena or McCoy actually has any sort of sizable impact on the team…we’re screwed anyway. It will mean very bad, very horrible things have happened to the 2012 Blue Jays season if Omar Vizquel gets anything near 200 at-bats.
Consider also the well publicized reasons of having him around as a mentor to the young Latin players like fellow shortstops Yunel Escobar and Adeiny Hechavarria…and depending on how much weight you give him for contributing to the successes of similarly “fiery” Latin shortstops in Alexei Ramirez and Elvis Andrus during his previous two seasons in Chicago and Texas, it could be pretty good to have him around. And if nothing else, we need that plucky light hitting, late inning defensive substitute wizard to replace the gaping hole in our hearts left from John MacDonald’s departure.
Plus, on a personal note…after 23 years in the league, it’s kind of neat to get to see Omar Vizquel play up close.
- Oh yeah, Anchorman 2? Man, whatever. Blah blah blah. For posterity’s sake, here’s the announcement on Conan. Let’s celebrate by revisiting the gag reel and remembering that this will actually be like the third Anchorman movie made, which still blows my mind to this day.
- Hey, here’s the trailer for Safety Not Guaranteed, an indie darling romantic comedy based on some insane writer’s idea for the backstory of a 2005 YTMND page (seriously). It stars Aubrey Plaza in what could be her inevitable turn as a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, some nerdy Indian guy who is not Aziz Ansari (!?!), one of the dudes from that Zooey Deschanel sitcom, and Pete from The League as a possibly insane time traveler. It’s like a computer makes these, and we love them because we’re mathematically inclined to do so. Indie-ness + internet + MPDG + token ethnicity + safe white guy from mainstream sitcom + crazy white guy from fringe indie comedy (ie. Danny McBride’s or Charlie Day’s movie careers) = all demographics covered.
- NASA is auctioning off technology patents, including one in particular that is described as Swarm Autonomic Agents with Self-Destruct Capability. Whose birthday is coming up next? I mean who knows what that actually does, but it sounds pretty neat. Also neat? The approximate 1,250 patents NASA developed in-house with American taxpayer money are now being monetized and sold to private companies and patent trolls…which will then develop and sell the products back to the American taxpayer. That is pretty hilariously evil.
Sky rockets in flight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
March 27th, 2012 by Choking Yak
I need to stop browsing the taxidermy section of eBay at work, it’s killing me.
How am I supposed to resist bidding on this? Honestly, please tell me.
Fuck.
And obviously an ocelot wouldn’t survive in the frozen wasteland of Upstate New York!
March 25th, 2012 by Flaming Sheep
I sit in the middle of a large room that could only be described as a hipster wet dream. I am alone, nursing my beer. As if in slow motion, a bright orange ping pong ball whizzes past my ear and falls into my pint. I stare at the ball floating aimlessly, out of its element. Perhaps I should contemplate if the ping pong ball is a metaphor for my life. Instead, all I can think of is whether my beer is still okay to drink.
Goddammit. How did I get here?
Let me explain.
*****
One of my friends from work wanted to set me up on a blind date with her fiance’s best man’s girlfriend’s friend. I’ll give you a second to digest that. As if that wasn’t strange enough, she wanted it to be a triple date (with her, her fiance, his best man, and his girlfriend). And to top it off with a cherry, we’d go to a Ping Pong bar and then an Oyster bar. Since above all else, I’m always excited to put myself in stupid situations, I snap agreed. Of course, I’m pretty sure my friend, her fiance, his best man, and his girlfriend (henceforth referred to as “MFHFHBMHGF”) were more excited. You see, they are white. This mysterious girl and I are Asian. Secretly, maybe even subconsciously, I’m sure MFHFHBMHGF were hoping to assuage their white guilt for the railroads as they made the lives of two minorities better by bringing us together. Over ping pong.
*****
Goddammnit. How did I get here? I had carefully planned to be 15 minutes late, and yet still here I was, the only asshole not playing ping pong with cultish fervor, or wearing fake glasses that are too big for me. Over in the corner was a pile of CRT television sets stacked on top of each other like a pyramid, some showing static, some playing the old Superman 1 movie. The place made me feel nauseous. Thankfully, MFHFHBMHGF eventually arrived. We started playing some ping pong. I know that genetically speaking, I’m supposed to be good at this, but I suck. It doesn’t help that I tried to shamelessly showboat and make tennis-grunting sounds whenever I hit the ball. As well, the HBMHGF part actually play tennis regularly, and watching them play ping pong against each other was like watching a couple of idiot savants play, minus the drooling.
In terms of the “primary objective” of the evening, I knew that this mysterious blind date was not for me within 5 minutes (or however long it took for her to open her mouth). Also, she kind of looks like an Asian Adele (she wasn’t that bad, but it’s how I would describe any Asian female above 90 lbs). More than 5 beers, that’s for sure! It was liberating to not give a shit, to be honest. No need to tell yet another anonymous woman I’d like to sleep with about how I deliver babies, and the miracle of life, and blah blah blah. It was all real talk, baby. Luckily, the HBMHGF part of the crew were pretty cool people, and my friend’s fiance “speaks the same television language” as he once put it, so I was in good company. In fact, he introduced me to The League. In return, I showed him the wonderment that is Archer.
The rest of the night was pretty uneventful. Oysters are a stupid food to eat. Luckily I have a gutter palate, so a gastrointestinal crisis was averted. Somehow, I always steer every drunk conversation I have to poutine, which made everyone crave fries. We then went to a place called Wvrst, which is some german sausage bar. Not a euphemism for gay strip club. The fries there were aight, but the best poutine in town is still the chip truck across from Nathan Phillips Square. I will knife fight anyone who disagrees. Before I left, the best man’s girlfriend told me, “I like you! You need to hang out with us more often.” I tentatively agreed, because I do need more white friends so that whenever I say something racist, I can suffix it with “but some of my best friends are white!” I weakly acknowledged Asian Adele’s existence, and then left with my friend and her fiance. So not the breakout episode everyone was hoping for. Maybe the WAMBAG’s B plot was good this week…
*****
In other news, the first time I played Mass Effect 3 multiplayer to up my galactic readiness (bullshit grind meter), I hated it. Now that I’m finished the singleplayer game, I cannot stop thinking about it. Even at work, I long for the chance to take the fight to the reapers with my adept “Aziz Asari” or my sentinel “Hulk Krogan.” Al, get on this shit with Max and I. Will, buy an xbox.
Have you guys ever heard of the SCP Foundation? It’s a repository of user-generated content that reads like technical documents describing the various occult artifacts that this secret agency has found and stowed away safely. It’s like reading the dossiers on all the items in that warehouse at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. The ones I’ve read off the top-rated list are stellar. May I suggest SCP-087 and SCP-093? Don’t mind if I do!
I will now leave you with the saddest thing ever. Gets me every time.
*****
Oh hey, welcome back Jeffrey! How was your… oh, uh, ah. Oh my god, even his shadow! Look at his shadow! Ahhh.
March 22nd, 2012 by Choking Yak
No computer, no spellcheck, NO RULES.
I am waiting for my order at Five Guys right now after a softball league meeting in Scarborough. I was very excited today waiting for this meeting just because I knew that it was located close to this burger joint.
When the cashier handed me my receipt and told me that I was number 69, I laughed a bit accidentally. She smiled, but I think it was like an exhausted “goddammit, every single time” type smile.
Oh man this burger is going to be so delish.
So they formed a 69
And your mom came at least three times
March 19th, 2012 by Choking Yak
Wasn’t that an exciting weekend in movies? 21 Jump Street lead the way with an incredible debut of $35 million, which is crazysauce for a comedy that doesn’t seem particularly funny. It really is the summer of Channing Tatum! John Carter, which debuted at #2 last week with $30 million, fell 55% to $13. 5 million in Week 2. At this rate, it will take approximately…infinity years for this movie to recoup its $250 million budget.
(For well over 15 minutes, I actually attempted to figure out the exact number of weeks it would have taken to make $250 million starting with $30 million in week one, with a 55% decrease every week…but I could not summon enough rudimentary calculus ability to even begin to form a possible equation describing the issue. …is it even a calculus question!?! I am a proud holder of an University of Toronto bachelor of science degree.)
This now marks two straight big budget sci-fi Disney films about longhaired dudes jumping around in the desert that didn’t really do as well as anticipated…although Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time did sell pretty well internationally. Regardless, I think it’s safe to say that hypothetical Dune or Mad Max movie remakes won’t be financed by Disney any time soon.
Also, did you know there is already a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles live action movie scheduled for Christmas 2013? The name will be shortened to just Ninja Turtles for extra sleekness, produced by Michael Bay, and replace the whole radioactive waste origin story by instead featuring them as lovable aliens. God, I can’t wait.
Though to be fair, a big chunk of the late 80′s cartoon and comic were entirely in space. A lot of the supporting characters like the Triceratons or Wingnut and Screwloose were straight up aliens. Krang was from Dimension X, as was Lord Dregg who replaced him. Honestly, if you don’t know Cudley the Cowlick then maybe you are lacking the required nerd credibility required to properly complain about such things on the internet.
If I could kindly request the next childhood franchise for Hollywood to exhume and corpsefuck to be either The Bots Master or Street Sharks, that would be most appreciated. Both lend themselves pretty easily to some Michael Bay or Battleship type production…I actually would seriously be interested in watching both of these hypothetical adaptations. The potential for political incorrectness would be off the charts. Imagine how entertaining it would be to have a varied ethnic voice cast of just completely over the top accents (already kind of in place, I mean it was the early 90′s still) – Ninjzz gets the “ah so sowee!” treatment, Cook becomes crazy Italian, and the Sport Boyzz are ripe for stereotyping. Like a fiery Latino baseball robot, an “urban” basketball bot (think Jazz or the Twins from the Transformers movies), and maybe combine the tennis/golf bots into one with a voice like Dave Chappelle’s white person impersonation. And if you spin the teenage human/mutant shark principles of Street Sharks into adoptive brothers instead of actual brothers, it works just as well there!
- As advertised by the previous trailer for the trailer for Prometheus, the highly anticipated trailer for Prometheus has just come out, and it is full of Inception-type BRRRMMMs and other types of cool wacky stuff like black people in space and those cool Mr. Terrific orbs, including a quick clip of what can only be the Space Jockey from Alien to remind us all yet again that this is still NOT a prequel of Alien and it really has nothing to do with those movies so stop fixating on all these baseless comparisons. Man, this movie looks good, but goddamn are anthropologists in sci-fi movies the worst or what?
- Here’s a neat tidbit to drop at your next cocktail party or miscellaneous social event that you’ll need to make inane conversation at…turns out free apps eat up your phone battery just sending ads – a disproportionate amount of battery is used just in downloading ads and tracking/uploading user data. Isn’t that interesting? Perhaps put forth this neat discovery as your own hypothesis! Then everyone will be very impressed by your insight. You’ll be the smartest person there!
- I don’t remember how I stumbled onto this clip of Kyle Eschen performing his comedic deadpan magic show (or his magical deadpan comedy routine) but I enjoyed it, and I feel like maybe you would as well. This guy is a serial killer now…probably.
“Now Andre, do you see yourself more as like a rapist who does magic or a magician who also likes to rape?”
“Well with me, magic always comes first.”