(A Random Post)

I don’t really know what Hulk Day is so I can’t tell you what Hulk Day minus it is. I don’t even know what today is. Regardless, here’s an article that asks that one Hulk question that’s in all our minds – if Bruce Banner’s shirt rips up when he grows to the Hulk…then why not his pants too? A particular highlight is how Nick Nolte implies (…well to me, at least) that because of the sheer girth of “little Hulk,” it can be classified as a WMD – and that’s why the army is constantly cracking down on him. Maybe you should read it and decide for yourself though. I tend to be quite liberal in interpretating the written word when I’m bored.

Hulk starts smashing June 20 – which would be tomorrow, I think. My personal rating of the Marvel films already out is roughly…

    X2 > X-Men > Blade 2 > Blade > Spider-Man > Daredevil

I’m predicting Hulk’s going to fit near the top, maybe between the X-Men and Blade. With all I know about it so far, it just seems so hard to predict it’ll be above X-Men – which had Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, and that one top tier Magneto line I can’t say without giggling like a little school girl. However, if the line “HULK SMASH!!!” is used frequently enough and accompanied by “Hulk is the strongest one there is!” and some variant of “puny humans,” then I will have no problem pushing for an Oscar.

So note to all Hollywood types out there – this is what makes and breaks movies for me. The one-liners. Generally, I’ll be able to find one or two single lines in the movie that define it. And if it’s good, your movie gets free passage to Yak-Thinks-It’s-Good-Land. Otherwise I’ll have to decide based on more conventional things, and a bad one-liner will only stick out and stink up the impression of the movie. Like Reloaded, and that “Bullshit!” bit. I mean, that hurts. The first Matrix had tons of solid one-liners, and that’s why it was so good.

Arnold is probably the best producer of high quality one-liners throughout his career. “I’ll be back.” “Hasta la vista, baby.” “Chill out, dickwad.” “I know who I am.” “Stick around.” “That’s no man.” “I’m Detective John Kimble!” All quality lines. And he averages one per movie – the highest one-liner average I’ve ever seen. In fact, there’s huge collections of prank phone calls done with Arnold sound boards that have been around for years. And they’re so good.

What’s my point? The bottom line is…Arnold should be the Hulk. And smash a lot of pants. Or something. I don’t know, I’m lost now.

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Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.

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