(A Random Post)

And on the topic of masturbation…

I should have made this post a few days ago, but I’ve been busy . I’d like to thank Will for not posting about it before I had the chance:

Our Narrative professor (God bless er’) is a total nut!

(soundtrack)

Crazy – Aerosmith

I won’t elaborate too much, because pretty much anyone who reads this blog has heard about her from me already. However, I must mention Monday’s class.

So we’re reading this book called Dora by Sigmund Freud, it’s a psychological case study. It’s pretty cool. Now as you probably know, Freud is famous for his sexual exploits. Er, that is, his studies revolve around the repressed sexual nature of human beings. We’re all a bunch of freaks essentially.

Well, our Narrative professor is a superfreak!

She has a tendency to go on…tangents, let’s call them. You know, every teacher does it. It’s fun to let the students know a little bit about themselves. So they throw in little anecdotes and jokes about their personal experiences. Monday’s class was one of those instances where I regret living in the “TOO-MUCH information age”.

You honestly couldn’t see it coming. One second she was talking about the text and the next she mentioned her “ex-partner”, which gave me two thoughts: 1) Someone she used to work with… or 2) Her ex-husband. To be honest, it sounded more like the latter. Why did she choose to bring this up? I shrugged it off.

Next, she mentioned how she (and Will, forgive me if I screw these facts up again) lived in Edmonton and how she was briefly engaged…???

Then, she kicked into high gear. She opened up with a couple of jabs, but now she was throwing combinations. She went on to discuss how she lived in Montreal and described it as “a very gay town”. That’s a direct quote! At this point, the whole lecture turned into a Saturday Night Live skit gone horribly wrong. Everyone was shifting uncomfortably and trying to avoid eye contact. Good times.

As if that wasn’t enough, she chose to share with us this vital tidbit: “I was a lesbian for the better part of six years.”

(high pitched) SAAAAAAAAAAY WHAAAAAT?!?

Why did she feel the need to bring this up? What does this have to do with the text? How can you just be a lesbian for six years? Is it something you turn on and off? How much more of this could I take?

And then she started to talk about masturbation.

I’ll spare you the details because to be honest with you, I was knocked unconscious by a mix of my own fatigue and the verbal uppercuts she’d been tossing around. However, I did manage to catch the end, the knockout punch: “And…uh…concerning masturbation…uh, I don’t have a problem with it.”

SHAZAM!

Complete insanity. This may never be topped. As my favourite sportswriter Bill Simmons would say, “There’s comedy. There’s high comedy. And then there’s your professor confessing her sex-ploits in a Monday morning lecture.” At least a 95 on the Unintentional Comedy Scale (also trademark Bill Simmons). I’m spent just talking about this.

Will, my condolensces on your loss. I’m a huge TPIR fan as well and Roddy’s one of those guys I just took for granted. I felt the same way when Wendy’s Dave Thomas died. People just don’t understand the importance of pop-culture figures. There’s comfort to be found in the permanence of these “minor” players. I don’t even like Wendy’s! Ah well, c’est la mort.

Next post: The Raptors Season Opener

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Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.

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