Oh dear goodness. Curt Schilling’s on the Red Sox.

It’s like the Russians just sent up Sputnik. Think US/USSR = Yankees/Sox. A mad arms race to win the AL East. Yankees are going to empty the coffers to resign Pettitte and Wells to go up against Pedro/Schilling, since the Rocket’s gone. Boston might sign Keith Foulke. And then the Yankees may get Bartolo Colon. Gary Sheffield’s probably going to be a Yankee. So Boston might sign…Luis Castillo? But if the Red Sox get A-Rod, that would be the equilvalent to a nuclear winter in 2004-2005. The entire world would break under that arms race.

And meanwhile, my young and rapidly improving Jays are going to be shafted for the playoffs. The division title gets ridiculously hard to win. And between the Sox and the Yankees, whoever doesn’t win the title division is going to win the wild card. So we won’t be playoff-likely until either the payrolls for the New York or Boston explode, or their players get old and die. Shucks.

Meanwhile, the Twins and the A’s (or the Mariners) are going to coast to easy division titles posting near .500 records, from the combined beating the AL East will give them. Just look at it – the Yankees and the Sox are going to be ridiculously good next season. The Jays are always good, and always improving. And the Orioles and the Rays are pumping money into their clubs as of late, in some foolish, misguided, and futile attempt to finish at least third in the East.

This is going to be the best off season ever. …unless you’re a Blue Jays fan, that is.