Unrequited Love Sucks

First things first, just let me say this:

Will.

Red Sox = World Champions 2004. Remember where you heard it first. Schilling and Pedro? Come on. Schilling’s going to become the king of bling bling. The Boston Dynasty has begun!!!

And don’t worry about the Jays. 100 wins should be enough.

Now to the topic at hand.

(soundtrack)

It’s Gonna Be Me – *N Sync

I am NOT the kind of man who obsesses over one girl. I definitely obsess over girls in general, but I like to think that I’ve curbed the elementary school habit of singling out one poor girl as the object of my affection. Sure, I prioritize and distribute my time and attention accordingly, but if I like a girl I always make sure that I don’t get in too deep, you know? Like, I’ll spend an afternoon with her, but the next day I’ll make sure to flirt with the girl in my Psych class. You’ve got to keep your head straight.

As you know, I have been putting most of my effort into charming this one girl. I realize now that I haven’t even told you her name. It has nothing to do with secrecy, because the chance of her reading this blog is slim to none so here it is: Tanya. This should improve the efficiency of my blogs by 39%.

So I like Tanya. Like I said, she’s sweet. However, for the most part, she treats me like garbage. I mean, when she’s in a bad mood it is impossible for me to get a rise out of her. I’m throwing out my best material and getting nothing! For example:

* Jokes About How Good Looking/Cool/Amazing I Am

* Jokes About What A Loser I Am

* Jokes About How Unpleasant She’s Being

* Arbitrary Humour

* Jokes About The ROM

That last one requires some explaining. We were in the Royal Ontario Museum the other day and it was raining like crazy, so she was in one of her moods. However, we were going to the museum and that’s comedy gold! What does a comedian do besides make shallow, mostly obvious comments? And in a museum, it’s easy! So I thought, “Great, I’ll show her that I know how to have a good time and I’ll have her feeling like a million bucks by the end of the day.” But no, she gave me nothing. Barely a smirk or a chuckle…mostly just a hateful gaze.

And that’s the way it is most of the time. I’m working my ass off to get her to like me and at best I get a smile. Usually it’s just an exhausted sigh. I’m sick of it! I hate feeling so strongly for someone and getting jackass in return! I know that you’re not supposed to be nice to people just because you want something from them, but damn-nit, I want some sort of reward! Why do I waste my time with this girl? There are plenty of women out there who would kill to be with a strapping young buck such as myself! I mean, WTF mate?

Forget it, I’m through! She’s rude, self-obsessed, cold, humourless, completely unromantic…intelligent…innocent…beautiful…

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I want her so badly.

SNL Post Of The Week:

It’s Awesome! – Finally caught the Justin Timberlake episode and it was pretty damn good. Check out this parody of Punk’d. Ashton Kutcher can be so annoying.

Retro SNL Post Of The Week:

One For The Holidays – And yes, I’m obsessed with Alec Baldwin’s SNL appearances.

I’ve gotta get back to work. Get me some juice…and a banana conyak, biatch!