(A Random Post)

Got dragged into a company baby shower today. And wow – I don’t think I’ve been in that awkward of a situation since I was left alone outside of Beckers with Mack and Monique back in Grade 8. Now THAT was bad – I had to do one of those “WHAT’S THAT? HUH? Uh-huh, uh-huh…y-yeah, I’ll be right over to help!” And I don’t ever want to speak about it again. But this was pretty horrible as well. Two dozen middle aged people talking about having babies and raising children. How could I have possibly handled that? I had to latch onto the only two people I’ve exchanged more than five words with (The New Girl and this other coworker guy – he’s cool) for dear life, and just spit out lines like “Yeah, haha, I hear that!” and fake laugh at everything they said, joke or otherwise. But the problem with a group of three is when two of them (in this case, The New Girl and the other guy) start talking to each other. So I’m there…and I got NOTHING. I’m staring into empty space and hoping and praying a giant meteorite would crash down or for the pregnant woman’s water to break. I mean, I wish nothing but the best for her and her baby, but I would have taken ANYTHING to get me outta there. I was this close to just cracking out a dead baby joke, consequences be damned. All I could hear in my head was Dr. Evil over and over again – “Hoo…this is uncomfortable…” And when I finally did get out of there, I was shocked – no, horrified – that it was only half an hour. I swear that I had been in there for sixteen months!

And it was at this point where I came to a sudden realization…that time travel IS possible. It would be based of an awkwardness-powered engine. If it were somehow possible to capture high levels of awkwardness (ie. me at a baby shower) and concentrate and purify it, THAT would be the fuel. Given concentrated enough levels, time wouldn’t just slow to a crawl – it would actually start to crawl backwards. I’m convinced I’ve already suffered some early aging effects, from all my years exposed and unshielded from the Yak family dinner table. And only God knows what happened to me and my suspect sperm count all those years in RHHS, pretending to laugh at bad jokes day after day after day at lunch. I think I might even have de-evolved a step down – I think I’m half rodent now. Good thing someone had to leave early at that baby shower though, so I could piggyback the exit with a “Yeah, me too.” Who knew what would have happened to me?

Thank God.

Whew.

Yee-ikes.

That was ROUGH!

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Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.

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