Going Limp

(soundtrack)

I Think I Love You – David Cassidy

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been obsessed with Deborah Wagner. For the sake of those who I may not talk to regularly or who don’t listen to me anyway, I’ll recap. She’s this amazingly hot girl in my Books And Readers class. I mean, she’s untouchable. She’s completely unattainable. If people saw me with her, they would think that she lost a bet or something. If I ever decided to marry her, it would be impossible because any priest would say that I’ve clearly made a pact with Satan and he wants no part in that (joke copyright: Just Shoot Me). She’s amazing.

But I’m over it. At least as far as worrying about it goes, I’m over it. I made a few weak attempts to talk with her and they were met with either polite chuckles or disinterested responses. Admittedly, I hadn’t tried my hardest, but the fact that I had to try at all and that I felt so badly after I’d failed makes me feel ashamed.

Luckily, I woke up Wednesday morning and realized, “Wow, I don’t care anymore.” Not just about her, but I felt oddly apathetic to most of the things in my life. It was a pathetic, yet liberating state to be in. I can’t remember the last time I stressed so much over a girl who I know nothing about. It was ridiculous and I apologize to anyone who had to listen to me talk about her as much as I did. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m still crazy attracted to her and it’s something that I want to pursue, but I’m just not going to be such an ass about it. So I’ll keep you all updated on this one superfans!

Speaking of updates, I’m still in my “depressed, yet satisfied” mood. Like I said, I’m having a problem putting things in my life into perspective lately. I go into every class just hoping that I don’t fall asleep. Amazingly, I haven’t been doing that too much. Good Lord, I’m babbling. Let me just tell you about my day.

After Short Story Collections, I met up with Julius for lunch. I thought it was just going to be the two of us and we were going to have another one of our intellectual discussions about politics, society, relig…ah, who am I kidding. We were going to talk about poontang! However, wouldn’t you know that we couldn’t talk for 10 minutes without one of Julius’ lady friends showing up. She was this cute girl named Athena (nice). It’s funny because Julius has this ability to make anybody comfortable in a social situation and, as you all know, I have the ability to make people feel EXTREMELY UNcomfortable in social sitations so…it was like a battle of good and evil. I wasn’t being totally anti-social though, and she was a “chronic laugher” (someone who laughs at everything, do we have a term for this?) so it was cool.

I came home and those S.O.B.s at work called me to come in early. It was good though because it was a slow day and they actually let me start training someone! I didn’t even get her name, I was just so happy that they trusted me with that task! I’m all growns up, baby! Here’s some other work highlights:

* I’ve grown real comfortable with the people at work. I’m cracking jokes, poking fun, walking around in my underwear…it’s good times all around.

* So many damn flies! And once I see one, I start to feel itchy and I’m constantly asking customers if I have a fly buzzing around my head. Then I take the grocery divider and start thrashing wildly. One of my coworkers, Greg, was like, “Dude, just spray them with cleaner. It’s easier.” I explained to him that there was no art or skill to that. He said, “You can’t argue with success.” Then I impaled him.

* I’ve been talking to this new guy named Said (“Sai-eed”) a lot. He seems like a nice enough fellow.

* It’s always…interesting to witness familial disputes happening right in front of you. There’s the usual “Child, if you don’t stop whining I will smack you!” which is always funny, but sometimes you get some real gems. Today, this strung out couple was disputing the quality of some plums. It was partly my fault, because I was like, “Are these plums?”

The husband: Yeah.

The wife: They don’t look so good.

The husband: They’re fine.

The wife: Okay. You’re the plum expert.

Ha ha ha, I almost pee’d myself. I’m using that on one of you guys, so watch out. “You’re the plum expert.” Damn, that’s good. By the way, I think I’m sleep deprived right now.

So yeah, it was a good day. Somehow I don’t think that was properly expressed, but I assure you it was in it’s own bizarre little way.

Twelve bucks now, Heinemann–ah, not to give offense, friend, but what the fuck’re yeh starin’ at?

Not wantin’ to give offense either, but I bet yeh twelve dollars yeh can’t do to me what yeh just did to that other fella.

Ha! Well tell us this, have yeh even twelve dollars to bet?

No.

No, I didn’t think yeh had. So what’s in it for me if I win, then?

Yeh won’t.