(A Random Post)

Him Versus Her


December – Weezer

One of my favourite things to do with girls in high school was see how long I could go without talking to them or acknowledging them in anyway. I don’t mean all girls, though I’m sure it seemed that way (got all the gay jokes out of your system, folks?), just girls who I was trying to get the attention of. Okay, wait, that doesn’t make a lot of sense. Let me try that again.

I’m sure this is something you’re all familiar with. You’re attracted to a girl in some way. Not necessarily romantically, but there’s a girl and she intrigues you and you get to know each other. After awhile, you start to wonder exactly where you stand in their social circle. Like, are you two really friends or are you just an acquaintance of hers? There’s no way to know. Or is there?


I would avoid that person for a while and see how long it would take them to come around and talk to me. Sometimes it would happen right away. Sometimes it would take a long time, which in a way is even more gratifying because you had to gut it out and you can take pride that you didn’t break. It’s like winning in overtime. And sometimes they never come at all at which point you have to bite the bullet and find them and apologize for being a prick. That sucks. I know I’m not the only one who’s done this. Come on, guys.

So tonight I had this staff dinner. I was half-excited because I’d get a chance to get to know all the ladies at work more. Plus, the food was free. Lately, I’d been having doubts about my chances with Adriana so I didn’t know how I was going to approach this dinner. I took it on the fly. She didn’t acknowledge me when I arrived and she was chatting up with one of the new guys, so I just said, “That’s cool” and sat down with some of my other cashier chums. The whole night, I don’t even think we made eye contact. And I was sitting next to this guy named Greg. Great.

As the night grew more and more awkward, I figured that maybe it was time to concede defeat. She’s a young girl, but she played the game well. Impressive. Luckily, I had prepared myself by combining lost hope with foolish pride. A lethal concoction. She wasn’t getting anything out of me.

By the end of the night (3 hours!), we hadn’t said so much as a hello to each other. Finally, with everyone waiting outside for rides or smoking up and the two of us standing right across from each other, this happened:

Her: Hi.

Me: Oh, it’s you.

And then we chatted up a storm for the next five minutes before her ride showed up. It was nice.

Of course, if I’d just said hi to her three hours ago and sat next to her I could have enjoyed the whole night. But for the record, she talked to me first. I win! I win! Sure, she obviously has no interest in me seeing as how she was chatting it up with a bunch of other guys and couldn’t even be bothered to wave to me all night, but she broke first! I win! And yeah, I ended up hating myself at the end of the night for realizing that I was still very much attracted to her, but again, she broke first! I win! I win!

Hooray for me.

Beats me why you’re runnin’ a tab. I don’t see fuckwit over there trynna stop us leavin’, do you?

Ain’t fair. Fella’s passed out. There’s your responsibility to your fellow man right there…

Correct me if I’m wrong, but weren’t you the bloke that hit him?

Makin’ me the one responsible for him.

Is this the kind of sound moral judgment you used to teach your flock?

Hell with my flock–

You took care of that earlier.

I didn’t hit the son of a bitch so we could steal his beer. I hit him ’cause he called me a redneck motherfucker. Gotta be a more polite way to ask a fella to drink up at closin’ time, ain’t there? What we owe him for?



Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.



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