I Couldn’t Help But Notice

Gold Digger – Kanye West

I honestly think my boss is trying to get me to stay at work without raising my pay. I’ve been complaining for months that we need some new blood. So what does my boss do? He hires four or five attractive young girls for me to train and socialize with and whatnot. They’re all real personable and likeable and they bring some fresh energy to the store. I swear, the prospect of having to talk to Walter, Kyle and Ricky for the next six months had me on the edge of homicide. Of course, none of this matters because 1) these girls are VERY young and 2) Food Basics makes me think of one person.

*****

The summer harvest at UofT is as rich as ever. This warm weather brings out the best in the many females around campus. I don’t think there is a scientific explanation for it. Their hair seems shinier, more full. The breasts have a little extra bounce to them. The light in their eyes is that much brighter. During my long breaks, I find myself sitting in a comfortable spot watching the world, and all the hot babes, go by.

My Shakespeare class is just retarded. I can’t look up from my text without having my eyes, mind and heart assaulted by some ravishing vixen. It’s not like I’m going to act on any of these attractions, but having them around gives me bad thoughts. I feel so confident these days and if the opportunity to talk to any of these girls ever came up, it would take all my willpower to resist flirting. Despite what most think, I quite enjoy flirting. I suck at it, that’s all. But yeah, my Shakespeare class is insanely hot. One of these days, the professor is going to read a particulary erotic passage and the class is going to break into a Sin City level orgy, I’m not even kidding.

*****

With that said, there’s only one girl right now who I want. It’s Adriana. As much as I may post about my encounters or thoughts about other women, it’s her I want to be with. As well as school has been going and as nice as these days have been, I’m depressed because I only get to see her once a week. It’s all I think about. It’s absolutely illogical and somewhat perverse for me to be sweating over a seventeen-year old girl, isn’t it? She’s not a goddess. She’s a sweet, genuine, intelligent girl who I work with and who I’ve fallen for.

Even worse, I’ve been down this road so many times before. I like a girl and I start having all these expectations about her. We have some good times that mean more to me than they ever could to her and I struggle with my feelings for her. Then I either tell her the truth or I say nothing at all. I haven’t done the former in…a long time, so probably the latter. Inevitably, it all comes crashing down. I piss and moan for months. She becomes a memory, an anecdote. I move on.

And who knows how many opportunities I’ve missed while going through this routine over the years? Maybe I’ve been going after the wrong girls all along? Why should I close my mind to the possibility that one of these girls in my Shakespeare class might actually like me? Why limit myself to going after one girl who may not even consider that I’m interested in her?

*****

Today, my trainee was this girl named Ashley. Pretty as can be. Looks a lot like Rachel Hall actually. I’m telling her the story about this customer who filled up my area with groceries and then told me that she wasn’t going to be able to pay. Then this happens:

“Oh yeah, Adriana was telling me about this yesterday.”

I’m like, “She was telling you this story that I told her?” She said that Adriana was training her and they started talking about me. I paused for a minute. She said that Adriana saw I was training her today and she was singing my praises. “She was saying nice things about me?”, I asked. “So many nice things,” she said.

The expectations. The feelings. The tragedy. The memories. I’ll go through it all again for her.

*****

Better go now. Things to do.

You quit.