(A Random Post)

How can you break out of the worst, most miserable, depressive funk you’ve had in the last ten years? Keep moving, don’t acknowledge the fact that you’re the biggest asshole in the history of asses or holes, be inexplicably chipper about it all, and post some links! Hurray for me!

– I think this is the ballin’est hat ever. Oakland Raiders? Gangsta. Oakland Tusken Raiders? Too gangsta. But a cashmere cap? Now that’s ballin’.

You get that hat and this shirt? Now that shit be poppin’.

– Failing that, I wouldn’t mind picking something like this up. I didn’t think there was a way to step yo chink game up while simultaneously also stepping yo douchebag game up as well. Now there’s two great tastes that taste great together. I want this hat so bad…if I could just look half as douchey as Pudgey McChinky there, I’d be set. I have no idea how to buy this hat without paying like thirty bucks in shipping costs though. My dreams are dashed once again.

Blind Man Shoots Home Intruder In Neck – talk about a shot in the dark (LOLLERSKATEZ). What kind of world do we live in where you can’t even rob a 75 year-old blind man without needing to protect ya neck? Between this guy, the 72 year-old former Marine boxer, and the blind judo expert…there’s just no more cherry picking in the world of crime. They’re starting to look like an old, busted version of the Real Life Justice League…so like…the Real Life Justice Society, maybe.

– Also, here is Kevin Garnett doing an intense Ric Flair impression, and talking about how poor he was as a kid and stuff. Fun for the whole family.

– Alex Rodriguez has opted out of his contract with $72 million over three years left on his previous contract. I’m calling it – Angels will sign him, for $245 million over seven years, for cool $35 million per season. The Yankees are the Yankees, so you never really know, but I’m doubtful that they’ll resign him because now they’ve lost Texas’ $21.3 million subsidy that they included in the 2004 trade. This also means lots of free money has been cleared up for Texas, and they’ll probably use it to sign a center fielder this offseason…probably Torii Hunter. Also, my son is going to be a professional baseball player, and he is getting paid. Feel free to call out my idiocy if these predictions are way off.

WOW! Amazingly, that did not work for a second. I’m going to see how many sleeping pills I can take before I lose consciousness. I’m shooting for twenty six tonight.

“Now. Vader, he’s a spiritual brother, y’know, down with the force and all that good shit. Then this cracker, Skywalker, gets his hands on a light saber and the boy decides he’s gonna run the fuckin’ universe; gets a whole clan of whites together. And they go and bust up Vader’s hood, the Death Star. Now what the fuck do you call that?”
“Intergalactic civil war?”
“Gentrification! They gon’ drive out the black element to make the galaxy – quote, unquote – ‘safe’ for white folks. And Jedi‘s the most insulting installment! Because Vader’s beautiful black visage is sullied when he pulls off his mask to reveal a feeble, crusty, old white man! They tryin’ to tell us that deep inside we all wants to be white!”
“Well…isn’t that true?”

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Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.

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