Generational Gaps

So. StarCraft 2. Multiplayer lacks some elements, I feel. For one, why I am so bad at this game? Clearly the fault is with game design, not with me. If I can’t just jump into a video game and instantly become amazing at it, then really, there’s just no point in playing it.

Also…Hydralisk Dens are second tier buildings now? How many years have I been away from this game!?! Street Fighter’s not using 2D sprites anymore!?! Duke Nukem Forever is actually real!?! This generation has their own Heat!?!

What a terrifying new world.

– Here’s another Between Two Fernswith Sean Penn.

– Does this seem like the most hilariously stupid idea anyone has ever come up with, or is it just me? Some idiot traffic safety group is apparently installing a $15,000 contraption that will project a 3D image of girl on the middle of the street, to scare drivers into slowing down.

…has the whole world gone crazy?

How is this a good idea? If these areas are already full of stupid and reckless drivers, why are you throwing optical illusions at them as well? What about the cars driving behind them when they slam on the brakes to avoid phantom children, or the real children on the sidewalks they’ll swerve into while trying to avoid the fake ones? And wouldn’t this just encourage people to start ignoring real children on the road? I know that’s what I would (continue to) do.

Never cry wolf. That’s the moral of the story. (Or don’t cry Quanrong nomads – fuck you Aesop, and your fable thieving white man ways.)

– If laughing at this is wrong, then I don’t ever want to be right. Although I’m not sure I would classify it as pedophilia. Even though they are two separate iterations of you through two different time periods…it is still just ultimately you engaging in sex acts with yourself. Ergo, cross chronal masturbation.

As a warning, do not get me started in this line of conversation in person, especially if alcohol is involved. I might not be able to stop.

– What if I told you I had a Mad Men video that just included clips of characters smoking? Would that be something you’d be interested in? (SPOILER ALERT: EVERYONE SMOKES, ALL THE TIME) God, this show is so great. All I want to do now is smoke all day and drink whiskey. Especially if it is distilled from the urine of diabetic old people. Fantastic stuff.

You don’t know how to drink. Your whole generation, you drink for the wrong reasons. My generation, we drink because it’s good, because it feels better than unbuttoning your collar, because we deserve it. We drink because it’s what men do.

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Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.

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