I Need To Stop Caring About The Blue Jays

So Boston’s pitching coach, John Farrell, was announced as the next Blue Jays manager!

Wheeeeeee.

I have no real idea exactly how important baseball managers are, as my ideal candidate is just someone who doesn’t make me constantly scream at the television in anger for doing something dumb. (Paradoxically also one of the greatest joys of being a sports fan – second guessing every decision on the field from the comfort of your own crumb covered couch.) Farrell apparently already has a reputation as a guy who will be able to manage a rotation and bullpen very well – which constitutes the majority of my bitching through a season – so he already seems to be an okay pick.

That, coupled with this crazy report that Manny Ramirez would like to come to Toronto just to play for him again already makes John Farrell pretty much the best Blue Jays manager ever, and he hasn’t even managed a single game. The crazy thing is that the reliability of this story is beyond reproach since it comes directly from Manny himself. But in terms of accuracy, it means very little…since it comes directly from Manny himself.

(For the record, the Jays do not need nor will never actually manage to sign Manny, but just the thought of Manny being Manny in Toronto is hilarious to me. It would make zero sense from a baseball perspective, but I would absolutely love it if it happened, if even just from an entertainment perspective.)

I wonder if I will still feel this excited about the Blue Jays when they are on the verge of actually signing a real big free agent and become relevant.

One can only hope.

– Speaking of baseball, some bored “scientists” apparently figured that the fastest theoretical way around the bases is by running in a circle. Or a shape vaguely resembling a circle. Although it is largely impractical, it still remains an interesting read. Aside from the reasons already stated in the article why this may not work (deviating from the baseline too much during plays and running into where the fielders are standing), the only time you would ever round first that aggressively is if you knew you hit for extra bases right as the ball left your bat – otherwise you’re busting straight down the line to get to firstbase as fast as you can.

But admittedly, it certainly isn’t exactly a rare occurrence for a hitter to hit a ball into a gap and know it’s going to be a double right out of the batter’s box. However, (competent) baserunners already run that way, although perhaps not to this specific degree of exaggeration. There’s a reason it’s called “rounding the bases” – your path is a curved arc that ideally touches the inside corners of each base already anyway. It’s just that very rarely do runners make up their minds right at the beginning to run all the way around the bases.

…unless you play softball.

– I think the coolest thing about these Marvel NBA covers is that to fully appreciate how sweet some of these are, you need to belong to that specific subset of people that can properly appreciate both basketball and comics. And the more something is tailored to your specific interests and the higher the exclusivity of that group that shares these interests is, the cooler that something is. There is now something that finally vindicates – even if just in my own mind – all those years I’ve wasted being both a comic book nerd while also following basketball. And the fact that I can hold this as an edge against my fellow comic book nerds (“Oh, you don’t know who these black people are on this Uncanny X-Men #138 cover remake?”) or against my fellow basketball nerds (“Oh, you don’t get the significance of this Exit Melo cover?”) is intellectual masturbation material in it’s most pure, distilled form. My power grows over you tenfold upon each NBA personality and comic book reference I understand.

…unless you are female.

– I think in a similar way, fully appreciating this improvisation of The Imperial March from Star Wars played as a Beethoven symphony is really only possible if you are sufficiently trained as a classical pianist to “get it.” Having the skill to come up with all these stylistic chords and counter chords and whatnot on the fly presumably takes a lot of skill – so much skill that you need to have a baseline level of skill to even recognize his skill.

That’s a lot of skill, right!?!

Check the related videos – it’s endless, just this dude Richard Grayson b-ballin’ and shot callin’ all over the damn place, whatever theme and style you want. This guy really can’t get any cooler.

…unless he was Batman.

You’re right, Will. I can’t do this proof. But you can, and when it comes to that it’s only about…it’s just a handful of people in the world who can tell the difference between you and me. But I’m one of them.

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Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.

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