Ugh. This coffee tastes like metal. I don’t think it should do that. But I’m going to drink it all anyway.

– Hey, here’s Kevin Durant hawking some superfly future wares…and here’s Tom Brady wearing some men’s UGG’s. One is a superstar athlete making $18 million a year and married to a supermodel…the other is an unemployed black kid from DC. So I guess the choice is clear here.

– Have you seen these Cooking Comically…uh…comics? They are pretty great. I’ve seen separate references to both Bloodsport and Mass Effect in there, so really I had no choice but to post this. Also, Henry’s Kitchen is pretty great. Great in the way the way that makes me mad I didn’t think of it first. Some great execution there though, this guy Henry Phillips isn’t bad.

– Here’s a neat PSA about driving recklessly from The Midnight Show. Fun stuff.

– Gordon Ramsay’s Porn Dwarf Double Eaten by Badger. The death by badger part might be a little bit of creative license, but sometimes you have to make compromises to get the greatest headline of the year.

– Though “Janet Hardt Dies After Injecting Her Face With Hot Beef Fat” isn’t a bad one either. MMM, GIRL WHY YOU SMELL SO GOOD?
EDIT: Aw, apparently the article’s been updated now to reflect that the actual cause of death was unrelated. Although if you presume that the headline doesn’t imply any causality, then it is still technically correct.

That’s it, this kid’s getting a vasectomy.