Tuffy Gosewisch Kind Of Sucks

Honestly, just trade for Navarro already.

For me, the MLB offseason is arguably just as exciting to me as the regular season. Predictive statistical models are good enough these days to give a decent idea of how things will play out, so in my mind…we’re already pretty much done, let’s just jump ahead to the next offseason already. I mean…it’s not completely accurate, obviously there’s a reason they still play the games, and I know there are mountains of unknown variances yet to play out…but I always imagine the baseball season to be like 30 kids in a big circle setting up lines of wind-up toys, to be sent into the middle to duke it out to see which is the last one standing. Who the hell knows where all those wind-up toys are going to go, but you can at least tell if some look better than others before it all starts.

Take the Arizona Diamondbacks for example. Owners of baseball’s worst record last season, the club did little to address their holes this year at catcher and second base, and will continue to ride and die with a largely youthful but inexperience starting rotation. PECOTA seems to agree with most experts, projecting just a 74-88 record…although that would place them ahead of their projected record for the Rockies at least. But you never know. PECOTA projects Jake Lamb for 521 at-bats at third, even though most people think Yasmany Tomas will end up taking over – a big potential power source out of Cuba. And it’s got Mark Trumbo blasting 30 homers in 2015 even though he’s coming off a season in which he missed 74 games.

So…even though you might have some idea, really you have no idea. But the team’s biggest addition might be off the field.

Last year, after shocking the world by introducing a monstrous $25 corn dog stuffed with cheese and bacon, the team has recently announced the addition of a new…Churro Dog.


In one sense or another, there’s going to be a big year in store for the DBacks.

So there might have been a disaster if those Philly contractors had not wanted to stop for a sausage sandwich.

Which means we were fine – we were always going to be fine.

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Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.

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