(A Random Post)

I apologize – I got so wrapped up in my Chris Farley utterings that I forgot to post up the other bizzare news goodness I had. So here they go, complete with matching witty comment for no extra charge. …except for your first born child. So if you don’t want to lose the little fellow, then don’t read past the links. Because I’ll know. I have brain powers that let me know. …okay, sorry, enough with that. To the links!

Jawbreaker candy explodes. Dear goodness. Poor girl, it did a lot more than break her jaw. What scares me is that there’s enough chemicals in those suckers so that explosive reactions can be triggered by just sunlight. I’m gonna stick to just gummies and chocolate from now on – no more hard candy for me.

U.S. soldier kills Baghdad tiger. And “Baghdad tiger” isn’t some secret code name for an Iraqi war machine. It’s just a tiger. This one just makes me laugh. That’s what American soldiers do with their time now? Party in zoos, drink beer, and feed hunger stricken carnivores their limbs? And what the hell is up with having a party in a zoo? All sorts of crude, unmentionable, and goat-filled reasons come to mind…but seeing as how they’re unmentionable, I will refrain from mentioning them.

And lastly – this one’s a beauty – a keyboard for…ONE MEEELLION DOLLAHS. From Amazon, no less. The product reviews are brilliant. But I can’t seem to figure out how to view them all, and they always seem to be different whenever I check the page. But some highlights include…

“It also gives you 3 wishes, all will be granted, there are no rules for these wishes, heck I even wished For more wises and I GOT THAT WISH!”

I mean, that right there’s just quality hilarity. But my favourite review has to be this one…

“It’s telepathic. for the offering price, you simply think, and it does the work. i was able to complete my latest book in matter of 4 days by simply looking at the keyboard.

It also is hard at work on the war on terror. It has typed, on its own, several letters to the FBI on suspected terrorists.

It’s also running for governor of california.

It cured my dandruff. It wrote another harry potter.

It cured my email virus problem. It’s way more potent than herbal viagra.

Worth every penny.”

Hell, it’s got enough hypothetical balls to go up against Ahnuld, of all people. How can you not pass up this offer? I sure can’t. Anyone looking for an extra spleen…just in case? Drop me a line, it’ll be something like 5 G’s, straight up. I’ll take care of the operation myself with a plastic KFC fork/napkin set to save operation costs, and to keep it all hush hush.

And on a completely unrelated matter…does anyone know where the spleen is located? Say, in a skinny 5’7″ chinese body? I’m just curious.



Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.



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