That Certain Something

(soundtrack)

Someone Saved My Life Tonight – Elton John

Whoa…two posts in a row. Is this what it feels like, Will? “Is this…weight…this ceaseless particle movement…is this all?”

As you might expect, I’m posting about the evening of the big cruise. Oooooh!

As usual, I barely knew what was going on until I came back from last night’s outing (Hi Jess!) and MSN’d a few people and got the story. So I go down to Keele station and as soon as I get off, I’m shocked at what a ghetto-ass area I’m in. Then I remember that I’ve actually been here before, because I think my cousin’s girlfriend is a manager at several McDonalds in the area. But I digress.

Michelle and Julius pick me up and, lucky me, we have to go and get the Ice Queen too. Sarcastic Yay!!! At this point, I can actually FEEL my skin beginning to boil. Amazing. Especially after Michelle tells me that the jig is up because the two of them have been talking lately and, well, you know how it is when women get to talking. So I decide that tonight I’m going to do some house-cleaning and assure the Ice Queen that it’s over and hopefully, we’re cool.

Blah blah blah, we get changed, blah blah blah. Oh, actually, before changing there was an amusing incident at a Shopper’s Drug Mart. The ladies told us to bugger off while they tried on make-up and whatnot, so Julius and I wandered off and I had my heart rate tested. Does 0 Systolic Pressure and 0 Diastolic Pressure make me legally dead?

Getting to the cruise was an adventure in itself. First we met up with Julius’ white friends, Steve and Barbara (does it get any whiter than that? I mean, we’re talking picket fences here). Steve made weed-filled brownies, which I politely declined to eat, and about ten minutes after the three of them consumed them, they were already tripping. Except for Julius, who just felt sick. More on this later.

We took the bus down to the Harbour Front and when we saw the boat, it was sort of a WTF Moment. The boat was so freaking small. It didn’t look like it could accomodate 10 people, much less about 60. It was weird. I don’t know, maybe it was like Alana Burke’s house (Max knows what I’m talking about) or something. Anyway, we get there, but the ladies haven’t arrived yet, which sucks for everyone. For me, because the Ice Queen has my ticket (even when she’s not around I get screwed!) and for the rest of the guys because geez, we don’t want a sausage party. Especially a sausage party at sea. Bonus points: It’s raining like a ma’fucka. By the time the girls get here, we’re all running towards the boat as the boarding crew is actually removing the steps from the dock, forcing them to put them back for us. So embarrassing.

We made it on, soaked, but safe. Our relief was short lived as, due to the rain, they crammed us into the hold (correct terminology) of the ship, which unfortunately, was predictably small. I felt like a slave on the Amistad. We sat around for about an hour before the food came, making awkward conversation as best we could. I should note that David, my former rival-turned-pal after tonight, joined me in my uncomfortable silence as everyone else was lost in merriment. He and I have a lot more in common than I thought. I’ve already invited him to come chill out with us. Don’t be afraid.

Here’s where things start to get interesting. At this point, Julius is fuckin’ trippin’. I mean, he is gone. It’s like watching a movie, you know? He’s exhibiting all the stereotypes of someone who is high out of their minds. The technical term would be: Trippin’ Balls. This was a result of 1) The drugs finally kicking in obviously and 2) His friend, Chris, tricking him into drinking from a water bottle that was actually filled with vodka. This knowing that Julius was trying to abstain from drinking for the summer. Good friend. More on this later.

Brief dinner story: After getting the meal, which was extremely difficult considering the cramped quarters, I returned to find that my seat had been taken. Up until now, the group (about 18 people) had been divided among two tables and suddenly I was forced to switch to the other table. I’m sitting between these two girls who I have no clue of who they are, except that they’re friends with a friend of a friend or something. And I realize one thing: There is nothing I can do right now that won’t make me look like an idiot. End of story.

Now the night starts resembling an episode of The O.C. I, after finishing my dinner as quickly as humanly possible, head up to the deck by myself(without telling anyone, natch) and find a nice spot to watch the world go by. Suddenly, David shows up and we start having a serious talk about life and girls and all that. And I confront him about his feelings for Michelle, even though I know how she feels about him and I think that Julius also likes her so I really shouldn’t be interfering. I tell him that he should go for it (this is under the impression I had that she also liked him…perhaps I’m wrong though…). Anyway, he tells me about this incident between him and her that SHE didn’t tell me about so I go down and whisper in her ear (while she’s in the middle of a conversation, natch) “Why didn’t you tell me about that?” and then I give her a walk-off. Ho! Then I went up and handled my business with Tanya, which went something like this:

Me: Listen, I’m just doing some house-cleaning and, uh, I know you’ve been hearing some stories about me.

Tanya: Yeah.

Me: And you.

Tanya: Yeah.

Me: Well, I just want you to know that that’s over with, you know? Like, I just don’t want you to think that there’s something going on and I’m not telling you about it.

Tanya: Okay.

Me: So we’re cool?

Tanya: Yeah.

Me: Great, great. Just making sure.

Dramatic, eh?

Then I got into a fight with some rich pretty boy…oh wait, this isn’t actually an episode of The O.C. Heh heh, sorry. No, what actually happened was that I found Julius about to puke his guts out over the side of the boat. He was coming down HARD. Again, it was just like a movie. So another friend of his, Lorelai, and I took care of him for the rest of the cruise. We sat him down on a bench and watched him mutter and look really depressed. The only slow song of the night came on and I spent it with my hand on another guy’s shoulder. Nice.

Shit this is getting long. I’ll tell you about the rest of it later, I guess (I know, it’s like, “There’s more?”) But to wrap this up, when the cruise ended, it took us about half an hour for all of us to get off and figure out where everyone was going. I told Michelle that she should let Julius crash at her place, which unfortunately put an end to her evening, but she knew I was right (I hope!). Lesley Ann (the girl w/bf that I met on the first cruise way back during Frosh Week), Lorelai and Tanya were also staying over and when Michelle asked if I wanted to stay too I…said no. I also wanted to stay so that when Julius woke up in the morning I could tell him exactly what had happened. So even with the incentive of 4 beautiful women and one smoked friend, I decided it was best to go home. I can’t even begin to explain it.

As usual, an exciting day ended with me riding public transit alone.

Fitting.

A side note: My 50th post! Boom shaka-laka!