Thought I’d share a personal story this time – unfortunately it doesn’t involve heavy drinking, seizuring girls, or crazy ice queens – but it does feature fruit.

Unlike some of the spoiled little bastards I know, I don’t have a computer nor a television in my room. So I really only use my room for sleeping and nothing else. When I got home yesterday, I suddenly noticed for the first time, an orange sitting on my desk that my mommy had apparently left there for me to eat. And since I don’t really spend that much time in my room…I hadn’t noticed it until that moment. My best estimate at that point, for how long that orange had been sitting there…was anywhere between three days to three weeks. I’m not completely sure, but I think it may have started to grow mold…and I really wasn’t in the mood to eat it.

So I did what any rational, normal human being would do. I picked it up, went outside, took a step forward, and – under the cover of relative darkness at 1:00 AM last night – I frickin’ GUNNED that sucker Ichiro-style across the street and into my neighbour’s backyard. Now clearly, I need not explain to you the obvious logical reasons for doing so, but I will confirm that there is some sort of primal, underlying satisfication within the human mind in the act of throwing rotten fruit. It just felt so RIGHT – like I was validating the existence of the human race in the eyes of the Lord God Almighty.

And oh man…would I give anything in the world to see the look on my neighbour’s face when he finds a moldy orange just sitting there in the middle of his backyard. I don’t even know the guy – which I feel makes it even more funny.

Yes sir. And so ends a day in the life of Choking Yak. And what a sweet life it is.