Light Jab #582

Never thought you’d see me post again did you? I’m too lazy to check the archives, but I think the last time I posted was about 4 months ago (the beginning of summer). You readers probably though I was dead (or at least you hoped I was). Well, now that school has started up again I believe my weekly/monthly post will also resume. Before I start, I will warn you that this is a LENGTHY post. The entire middle part of it pertains to a sports related adventure and the rest of it is just flat out useless because it’s about my life. So for all you non-sports people and Max-haters (quite a lot of them apparently) stay away from this rant. Also due to the length of this post, it might eradicate Will’s previous post about our trip to the CNAnime expo. Check the articles section for it! Without further ado…

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the return of the Light Jab!

Since I haven’t posted the entire summer, most people would probably be like “Oh he was probably busy with life during the summer, that’s why he didn’t post!”. Yeah, right. I spent my entire summer working at the pool and generally having a whole lot of fun.

I worked at the pool starting at the end of May all the way through mid-August. Although I’d love to say something negative about my experience there (because that’s the kind of asshole I am), I really can’t. I whole-heartedly enjoyed my time there and I love the people who worked with me (the pay wasn’t bad either). I know people who dread going to work because they don’t like what they’re doing or they don’t like who they’re working with. I wish I knew how that felt but sadly, I don’t.

Working at the pool is such a wonderful experience for me. I meet lots of different kinds of people and I get to work kids, which I think I’m actually pretty good at. Plus, the view during the swims doesn’t hurt at all…ooh so many little kids… Huh, what? What’s going on here? I blacked out for a minute, I’m sorry. Anyways, back to how good my job is and how crappy yours was. Probably the main reason I come back to this pool every year is the staff that work there. Such an eclectic group of human beings. They make the whole pool feel like one big family (as cheesy as that sounds) and I’ve made a lot of good friends here. From the weekly Sunday soccer games to the random events like dinners or lunches, what other job offers this many staff socials? This would probably be an appropriate time for a shoutout list so here goes:

(To anyone I missed, you were probably unimportant anyways. I’m just kidding; I’m just forgetful that’s all, sorry :).)

CL-Man, this summer was crazy, we ran the show :). / JK-You kept me alive session 3! SERIOUS. Good times… / Dre’-Thanks for being DD that night! You’re my boy! / AC-I got my pants back, thanks. Soo hammered. / SC-See ya on Sat. Again. Sigh. :) Jk / AB-No shifts with you… :( But Sat. in the fall will be awesome. Promise. / SL / TC / BL-Lane ropes dude. :)

Wow that felt like a high-school yearbook message. Yikes. Back to the rest of the summer, I did some things I’m not too sure whether I should be proud of. Closer to the end of the break I picked up a game for my Xbox and it changed my life. ESPN Football 2K5 is the game in question and I believe I’ve logged about 113 hours into it. Alex and I spent many sleepless nights playing the franchise mode to death and we are currently in our 3rd season. Here’s an extremely long cap for the sports fans:

(NON-SPORTS PEOPLE, SKIP THIS PART NOW!)

Season 1:

We made a trade for Dante “Inferno” Hall in the first couple games (he turned out to be a gem in a forgettable season). Peerless Price (our main receiver) was injured early in the season and was placed on IR for the rest of it. This led to Vick (greatest QB of all time) and Dunn (our running back) to pick up the slack. Sadly this never happened as Vick was ALSO injured for a couple games of our season and this led to lots of frustration. Dunn carried the team on his back but he was only one man and in our frustration we just decided to sim the last 6 games of our season! The results? L-L-L-L-L-L. So with that season over and no playoff berth earned, we sat and watched Peyton Manning and his Colts ride out to a Super bowl. In the off-season, we decided to draft a QB named Neil Briggs. Why? Frankly I don’t really know because we already have a franchise QB in Vick. But I think it was because we were afraid that Vick would be injured. Plus, we like QB’s who are black and have a tendency to scramble under pressure (which happens on just about every 3rd down play). We also made a trade for Priest Holmes in the off-season hoping that he would bolster our offense EVEN THOUGH WE HAD DUNN BREAKOUT THE SEASON BEFORE. I hate you Alex.

Season 2:

This was a whole different season all together. With our star players Peerless and Vick coming back from successful surgery in the off-season. Our team exploded with a hunger never before seen in sporting history. Although we lost our first game, we won the next 10 I believe. Each of these victories was more embarrassing for the opposing teams than the one before it. We rose quickly through the power rankings and our unsportsmanlike behavior was at an all time high. The sign of any good sports franchise. We beat opponents by an average of 40 or more, our score totals looked like a game between the Raptors and Hawks! (Bad in terms of NBA, but unheard of in the NFL.) Closer to the end of the regular season, we lost 1 or 2 games that shook us a little. One particular game comes to mind…

With the Falcons doing so well, we looked at our match up against the Eli Manning led Giants as a cakewalk. Angry at Eli’s crimes against humanity (sports fans should know about this, but if you don’t, google him up and learn about this whiney little bitch.) two of the Pro-Bowl bound linemen of the Falcons (Karon Riley and Elliss Johnson) set out on a mission to end his career. After many hits to the head of this young rookie, he was still standing and more importantly making completions. In the 4th quarter of the game, he eluded our linemen time after time and rallied his team to a come from behind victory. Absolutely stunned, Alex and I cried and held each other in a tight embrace. What made it worst was that we had to go to a party right after this game. Let me tell ya, no video gamer in their right mind leaves their game on a losing note. With this in mind, we promised to make the Manning family suffer. And suffer they will. *gasp foreshadowing!*

After earning our playoff berth, we entered facing the… I can’t remember, but we won. Our division title match up was against the Brett Favre led CARDINALS (… yes the Packers traded him. I’m just as puzzled as you are.). This was an excellent game because it was a close one and I think we won like 28-25 or something. It was won within field-goal range, which never really happens in our games. Although it was close, I think it was a good confidence builder because it shows that we can win tight games too. We figured that it would better prepare us for the championship game cause it’s probably gonna be a tough one.

The Superbowl! We made it! Most importantly, it was against the team we wanted to face the most. THE COLTS! Hoping to become repeat champions, Peyton Manning had only 2 things standing in his way: Karon Riley and Elliss Johnson. This game was ugly right from the get-go. By half time we were up by like 31-0 or something. Manning was sacked over and over again, and none of his audible calling would do him any good because our defensive goal never changed: SACK MANNING ON EVERY DOWN. Near the end of the game Manning managed to throw a TD pass to Marvin Harrison, but it didn’t matter. The final score of the game was 68-7, I believe. It was horrific. We won the Super bowl in our 2nd season but most importantly, we embarrassed the Manning family on national television.

Our team earned many year-end awards for our incredible season. Vick was named the MVP by generating a 2500+ throwing and 2000+ rushing season albeit having only 1 more TD’s(28) than he had INT’s(27). Peerless Price was named the leagues most dangerous offensive weapon by catching 26 TD’s, which absolutely shattering all previous records. Also our previously mentioned linemen, Riley and Johnson went to the pro-bowl after producing more than 40+ sacks per person. In our off-season we decided to let Johnson go because he was getting old and wanted lots of money. I wasn’t gonna have any of that, so we released his ass along with some other role-player on our team. Besides, his backup, Rod Coleman was a hot up-and-comer and he was also a sack machine. No big trades were made as we decided to keep our core players and make another run at the bowl. We signed a young cornerback I liked by the name of Shawn Springs.

Season 3 (in progress):

This season began with a rather shaky start. We lost 3 games in a ROW starting with Week 4. Alex wondered if we were just fakers like the Sacramento Kings or the Dallas Mavericks or the Boston Red Sox. After Priest Holmes went down in the 5th game of the season with a possible career ending injury, I decided to quickly make a trade to pick up Clinton Portis (as you can see, I have NO loyalty whatsoever. If you don’t produce, you are expendable.). Alex pleaded with me to not do this, but my mind was set: Portis was to become the new franchise back of the Falcons. Holmes wasn’t producing anyways and Portis was young and hot. Portis instantly made an impact on our club and helped us get out of our funk (it didn’t hurt that we had just discovered the juke stick too, leading to a LOT more productivity in our kick/punt return game and our ground attack.). With Portis and Vick leading our squad our team won the next 7 games in a row clinching a division title.

So that is where our story will end for now. Jeebus that was a long football rant.

(NON-SPORTS PEOPLE, YOU MAY RESUME READING!)

Cue sad summers’ end music.

Sarah Harmer-Basement Apartment / The Beatles-Let It Be / Nada Surf-If You Leave / Remy Zero-Fair / The Verve-The Freshman / Eve 6-Here’s To The Night / Anything from the Garden State Soundtrack

I’ve completely lost my train of thought. Let’s see, uhh summer. I guess my summer really was all work, videogames, and spending time with my friends. Other people might say something like “Yeah see, I want to the Bahamas and then I flew over to Italy for like a month! It was totally awesome and stuff cause like I got totally drunk and met lots of guys/girls!” But you know what? Who cares? I think this may have been the BEST summer I’ve EVER had. Never have I felt so relaxed and spent so much time with people I enjoy being around with. If I were to compile a list of fun/memorable things I’ve done this summer it would be pretty impressive (for me at least). Let’s see:

a) Basketball like every week with lots of different people

b) Sand Banks beaches with my family

c) Sunday Soccer

d) Going to work.

e) Football…

f) Magic with the boys last couple days before school started

g) CNAnime Expo

h) William hitting my fucking car with his Acura SUV. Fuck you. :)

i) My first speeding ticket. 87 on a 60 on Taunton. How this is fun? I dunno. But it sure was memorable.

j) Year end party at my house for the pool staff.

k) The Slide-A-Thon

l) The “car-talk”. Definetely not fun, but again very memorable.

m) Any adventure Alex, Will, Gary, or Brian and I went on.

n) And some more… but this post is getting too long.

I mean it wasn’t all shits & giggles, sure, I had my heart broken but who cares right? It stings for a bit and then you move on. I felt relieved after I did what I did and although the answer I got was a bit wishy-washy, I can honestly say: I’m over it. If I was ever sure of anything (which doesn’t happen too often), this is definitely it. Why dwell on it when you know the results won’t ever change. As the saying goes, “There are plenty of fish in the sea and I’m out fishing and I’ve felt a couple bites. Now I just need to get that damn hook in the mouth and give it a yank and start reeling.” I’ll be frank. I just made that up. But I’m a straight shooter, and you can’t fault me for that.

When the good in your life outweighs the bad, then you should be happy. If you aren’t, then you are worrying too much. THAT my friends, is no lie. Straight from my mind to this website.

Cheers to you guys and gals. Let’s all have a good year.

MaxSnax from Ajax