The Big One I

(soundtrack)
The Messenger – The Tea Party

I’ve been 20 years old for over two weeks now and, well, it’s been a ride. I think I’m finally ready to talk about the events that occured during that time. I’ll try to keep this brief (yeah, right).

– Thursday, November 4th
So it was my birthday. As usual I didn’t have anything planned, except for the usual ritual of going to lunch with Julius and Jainy aka J-Squared. However, instead of us going out to lunch, they surprised me with a plate of cupcakes that spelled out something to the effect of “HAPPY B DAY 20 ALEX”. My recollection of the event is both vague and delicious. But yes, I felt a faint quiver in that cold sack that was once my heart. In all seriousness, I just could not believe that these people would go to any kind of effort to celebrate my birthday and I couldn’t possibly express how much I appreciated it. So this is the light side of my birthday.

– Friday, November 5th
Oh, boy.

Max, William and Jess were there, so I guess I’m just retelling this story for the sake of Brian, Gary, Nitasha and any other people/perverts that may visit our site from time to time.

The plan for the day was to go to lunch with my U-mates and then meet up with Max, Will and Jess later. We were going to watch The Incredibles and then maybe catch a Raptors game. Let me just tell you that this plan DID NOT come to fruition.

Oh, I met up with my U-mates alright. But there were more of them than I expected. It wasn’t just my friends, but their friends and friends of friends and so forth. It was a bit odd, but it was nice to see that kind of turnout for what was essentially my birthday lunch. After the ritual “where should we eat oh shit I can’t decide where do you want to eat I hate that place let’s eat here no aaaaaaahhhh” discussion, I put my foot down and said, “We’re going to Einstein’s and getting some chicken wings.” If you’re curious, Einstein’s is a small bar right next to campus that serves some amazing wings. I probably should have payed more attention to the bar part on this occasion.

As soon as we got there, Tanya says “You’re taking shots today!” How could I resist? Now let’s all remember that I don’t know jack about drinking, so when they suggested that I take five shots of tequila…well, I assumed they thought I could handle it. Three crucial mistakes made here:

1) I forgot that I was Alex Lee and I’ve only consumed alcohol about two or three other times in my life.
2) I hadn’t really eaten anything, which apparently is something you should do before heavy drinking.
3) I downed all five shots in about twenty minutes.

Now, and I know everyone says this when they’re telling drinking stories, I felt fine. I did. They were asking me to walk in a straight line, walk around the table, all that stupid stuff. I was alright. Once we hit the streets, Alexia took my arm just in case I suddenly decided to collapse and smash my skull against the pavement. I didn’t need it I tells ya! I was fine! So our group split up into J-Squared, Alexia and myself, and the other people went off somewhere. Let me pause here a second.

Let me repeat how nice it was to see these people coming out. There was Chris, Julie and Jimmy, three people who I’m not sure I fit in with but they decided to come out. Ping, a cute girl who I don’t even know. Lesley Ann, who I see sporadically but I never mind talking to. My boy, David. And of course, Tanya, who later gave me the best birthday present ever: A box of Corn Pops from Texas. American Corn Pops and Canadian Corn Pops ain’t the same thing and now I’ve got proof!!!

Back to the story: After I realized that I was not going to be able to make it to my Medieval Literature tutorial that afternoon (which I stayed up doing the reading for) we ended up at Innis Residence and suddenly, oh so suddenly, I came CRASHING DOWN HARD!!! It started with me needing to lie down. Not so bad, right? Let’s just say that I never should have got up. I must have been lying down for about half an hour (felt like it anyway), but eventually it was time to meet up with M, W and J. I got up and felt really sick. I stumbled out and vomited for the first time in years. Luckily for the porters of Innis I managed to get all the way out of the building. After that I felt fine…for about ten minutes. We went back into Innis and after what must have seemed like an eternity of awkward interaction between my U-mates and my real friends, I was left in the custody of M, W and J.

I was like Will Ferrell in that Christmas skit where he’s singing It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year and standing on a rotating platform. He gradually gets more nauseous and the song goes on and he’s like, “I’ll get it back, I’ll get it ba…BLLAAWWWGGGGHHH!!!” That was me. I kept thinking, I’m fine, I’m fine. Before you know it, I was making sick retching noises in the Innis lobby and hovering over a plastic bag. William, or someone, had the good sense to ask for the bathroom key (they said I had “stomach flu”. Thanks guys) and they threw me in there and told me not to come out until I felt better or I was dead. I think the latter almost happened.

Fast forward about forty five minutes. I’m awakened by a phone call from David asking if I was okay. I realize I fell asleep on the toilet. Not good times.

Well, I didn’t feel like vomiting anymore, so that was a plus. Unfortunately, my head was killing me. I was experiencing a hangover at five in the afternoon. I lurched out of the washroom and met up with the guys again, who wisely suggested that we call an audible on tonight’s plans and concentrate on making sure I don’t die. I liked that. They all but carried me to New College, where I proceeded to lie down in a semi-conscious daze for about an hour and then we went to go get some Vietnamese food, which I hated. The end.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about that day. I mean, I’m glad that I got hammered to impress my friends because as we all know, that is the best and only reason for drinking. On the other hand, I’m sad that I wasn’t a more entertaining drunk. I looked more like one of those guys who got divorced, lost the kids in custody and had his testicles torn off in a freak bicycling accident. I won’t lie. I wanted to impress Tanya. There’s this part of me that still finds her undeniably attractive. I guess there’s no other way to explain it. Instead, I became even more boring, if you can believe that. So bummer there.

I’m also embarassed about how poorly I handled the alcohol. I was a wreck. On the other hand, I’d by lying if I said I wasn’t thrilled at the kindness shown to me by all parties involved. It’s trite, but when you’re down and you see who’s really there for you, well, that’s special. I won’t forget it, guys.

Damn, I didn’t realize that was such a long story. And I think that this is without all the gory details. It’s pretty bare bones.

There’s so much more I wanted to talk about over the last couple of weeks. My reconciliation with Natasha. How hopeless things have gotten with this girl at work. The fact that Michelle wasn’t there. How kickass The Incredibles is. Shirley and Jason proving that the most beautiful things can happen to the most beautiful people. The impending trading of Vince Carter. So many things.

But that’ll have to wait. Until then, I love you all. Take it away boys:

All I think is there’s maybe a spark of hope. But I’m gonna need help if I’m gonna make anything of it.
…Fuck you. Fuck you, no, no fuckin’ way, I can’t believe you got the balls to say that to me! I oughta rip your fuckin’ head off just for–for–
What the fuck is this, are yeh made’ve fuckin’ stone or somethin’? Look at me! Look at me! I’m yer friend an’ I’m askin’ yeh for help!! Oh Jesus. I need yer help or I’m damned, Jesse. I need to be forgiven. I need to be dragged out’ve this awful fuckin’ nightmare I live in. You always used to go on about this country givin’ people a second chance–well, where’s mine? Do I get a second chance, Jesse? Can yeh reach out a hand to a friend?
You had a thousand chances. You’re the one who made your life into a nightmare. Fuck yourself.
Jesse fuckin’ Custer…! It’s not so easy to stand by yer friends when they’re stuck on the road to Hell, is it?
God dammit, Cassidy. All you ever had to do was act like a man.