I thought I’d share some Provoking Facts with you.

– I think it’s too bad that we Canadians don’t get to enjoy such luxuries as lenient gun control laws, houses made of materials other than snow, and the Cartoon Network. So we miss out on shows like Robot Chicken – and if the rest of the show’s as good as this, then it’s a crying shame. I like the bit at the very end the best.

– Cleaning some dishes today while watching the Jays game yesterday, and – as everybody knows – baseball being so insanely exciting, I was completely engrossed in Gustavo Chacin’s funky delivery and not really paying much attention to anything I was doing. I reached for the soap which was sitting in this bowl…and it turns out it wasn’t actually soap. It was a piece of tofu, shaped like a piece of soap. I was not prepared to grab a fistful of tofu, and I think I may have screamed out in terror. How does stuff like this happen to me? Why is there a bowl of tofu just sitting there like that, in the middle of all these dirty dishes? I wonder if my mom just places stuff out like that to keep me on my toes. I know that if I had kids, I’d leave like bear traps and rope snares all over the place. How else they gonna learn?

– Speaking of the Jays, during the game at Texas last night the announcers were saying how before the game, the Rangers were studying video tape of Chacin’s last start in Oakland. Trying to get a read on his delivery, his release point, his tendencies, his move to first base, all that stuff. And that while the Rangers were doing all that in their video room, the Jays were just chilling and watching The Italian Job in theirs. We ended up killing them 8-0. I love this team – what a bunch of role models.

– Just bear with me for one more baseball point. I need to find someone that can read Korean (I think it’s Korean) so that they can translate these comics for me. I can make some of it out – like this one which is about the new season. There’s last year’s best couple of pitchers there at the top (that’s Mark Prior going into a tailspin), the big free agent signings in the middle, and the top candidates to rebound from injury filled years at the bottom. Yes, I believe that giant purple monster has trampled Ken Griffey Jr. who is a rebound candidate every single year.

But sometimes I’m just lost. Take this one about the Jays for example. I get most of it, like the one about how hard Alex Rios throws (he had 11 assists last year) or how the Jays kept switching Miguel Batista from the rotation to the bullpen. But what’s up with Vernon Wells? Why’s he running towards a jackpot hill and what the hell is that thing attached to his leg? Is that the physical manifestation of the calf injury he suffered last year? Or is it like all his in mind? I just don’t get it. But above all, I really need a Korean translator to tell me what the hell is going on in the second last panel with a naked Carlos Delgado. That is just messed up. It terrifies me.

– These are pictures of a snake eating a kangaroo. I don’t really think I need to expand on that. Imagine if an even bigger snake came along and just swallowed up the first one, complete with the kangaroo feast inside him – it would be the funniest damn thing in the history of the universe. I don’t think it’d be too unlikely, as the first snake would be so exhausted from swallowing so much that it wouldn’t even be able to move, much less put up a fight.

– This is the greatest car ever. Attack me if you dare, I will crush you!

You were lazy about it, you made me wait around
I was so crazy about you I didn’t mind