(A Random Post)

Honesty Is Always The Best Policy

Cold Days From The Birdhouse – The Twilight Sad

Two weeks ago, I incorrectly assumed that Annia and I would be watching American Idol together like we usually do. Even though we hadn’t made any formal plans, I figured she would call me to let me know whether we were still on or not. As it turns out, she had made plans with her new guy Drew and neglected to inform me. No phone call, text message, e-mail, nothin’. Even when she called later that night, there wasn’t any actual apology. It wasn’t a huge deal and I should have let her know that I was upset right away but I decided to just sit on it and stew. There’s no reason that I couldn’t have called her the day before and asked if we were on for Wednesday as opposed to waiting it out. It was as if I expected her to blow me off and let it happen just so I could justify my anxiety.

She made several attempts to contact me since then and I’ve had legitimate reasons for not being able to see her (softball practice and other engagements), but I also didn’t make any attempts to reschedule or negotiate. I thought I was being obvious about my not wanting to see her. That said, she seemed surprised when I talked to her last Sunday and vented my frustrations. All of them. It all sort of came pouring out. My intentions were to address what happened on Wednesday, but somehow all of my fears and insecurities about our friendship came pouring out and before I knew it, everything was on the table. Well, almost everything. I’d like to tell you that this all came out in a well organized and eloquent treatise, but the truth is that my conviction did not exactly match the anger I was feeling at the time. She made a lot of logical points about how she felt she was a good friend and how I was making something out of nothing, but I wasn’t hearing it. I was just needy and pissed. I demanded that she say something nice about me and when she eventually did it was like pulling teeth.

It’s funny, because I’ve had problems with her for a long time and I always wondered what it would be like to get it all out in the open. I imagined it would be a moment of triumph. Instead, I ended the conversation feeling guilty. I was having trouble justifying what had just transpired. I didn’t feel relieved at all, which is always a legitimate reason for doing these things. No, I was confused and I still am. We haven’t spoken in six days, which is normal for us, but there’s a difference between two people not speaking and two people NOT speaking, you know what I’m saying?

Was it worth it? Why did I feel the need to qualify this friendship? Couldn’t I just leave it as it was? I have a lot of friends and rarely have I ever felt the need to analyze the basis of our connection. Obviously, I wasn’t feeling too good about my relationship with Annia so I felt that a diagnosis was necessary but perhaps I went too far. Things were working between us and she is in a good place in her life right now. She’s got a new boyfriend, her brother is living with her and she’s got a couple of job opportunities to consider. Surely, my feelings could have been spared for the time being. I don’t imagine she’s losing too much sleep over all this, which is my sole consolation.

I’ve left the ball in her court now, so to speak. If she wants to call, she will. If she doesn’t…well, I’ll probably end up calling her. I don’t think I made a mistake. One way or another, this was going to come out and I suppose I couldn’t have hoped for more than a civil phone conversation. I caught her off-guard, which was unfair. It’s her turn now. We’ll work this out.

*****

I’ve started hanging out with Adriana again. For those of you who need a reminder, that’s my longtime Food Basics crush. My mom ran into her and I found out that she had finished her exams so I figured that now would be as good a time as any to reestablish contact. We had lunch last Friday, which was like old times. She is so sarcastic, maybe a too much at times, but I love that about her. She also has a lot of confidence issues and doesn’t deal with compliments well, which is tough to work around but I don’t mind the challenge. She’s spectacular. She came over to my house and we watched Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire on Thursday. We talked throughout the entire thing, which is always a good sign. I can’t imagine inviting someone over to my house and sitting on my couch in silence for two straight hours. I’m falling for her all over again, which is horrible because I can tell she doesn’t feel the same way. I know I say that all the time, but I’m an expert at knowing when a girl isn’t attracted to me and I can tell you that things aren’t looking too good. That doesn’t seem to be stopping me from wanting to do something crazy. Like telling her how I feel about her. I might do it soon too, just to get it out of the way.

One of the reasons I left Food Basics (one of many) was that I couldn’t hang around her anymore because of my insane attraction to her. I’m going to confess and if it doesn’t work out, I’m quitting her cold turkey. There is really nothing to lose.

*****

Friday night, Julius invited me out to go to Korean BBQ with some friends of his(including WAMBAG compatriot Lee Baker) as sort of a going away party for him before he leaves for Quebec. The other people included Lee’s girlfriend Mandy (who goes to UofT), her friend Michelle, Julius’ friend Annabella (who I’ve got a thing for and this dude who I hate, Eric (who was nice enough to come pick me up). Eric is like a young Michael Scott. He wants to be super nice to everyone, laughs at his own terrible jokes and spouts a lot of bullshit. All of this is just to get people to like him, of course. I can’t stand people like that and because I spent a lot of time in the student council office this year, I saw him about three times a week. Guh. He was in top (bottom?) form on Friday and I could barely hide my contempt for him. Hell, I didn’t! At one point, he criticized Dr. Zhivago for being “just a love story” and not having any deeper meaning. I almost shoved his head onto the grill. Then he complained that Bruce Almighty was “too simplistic”. It’s a comedy starring Jim Carrey! DAMN IT. People like this are taking my oxygen! Luckily, I was also in top form (i.e. depressed, cynical, bitter, hungry) and was quick to insult him and his beliefs at every turn.

Annabella spent the whole night talking on her cellphone and exchanging text messages. That made me feel validated.

It was good to see Lee again. I was impressed by his Justin Timberlake haircut. He’s pulling it off nicely. Mandy seems like a sweet girl and even though his relationship with her means I can’t call him gay (for now), I’m happy for him.

Okay, some links now. First, courtesy of Sue, my niece in Peru, a standup routine about Mexican Music.

And from my cousin Derek, some Conan stuff:

Conan O’Brien and the Bread Professor

Conan visits Intel (the best stuff starts at 5:10)

Conan talks about his Ford Taurus. Classic.

Conan at Industrial Light and Magic

Mindbottling, isn’t it? Hm.
Did you just say “mindbottling”?
Yeah, mindbottling. You know, when things are so crazy it gets your thoughts all trapped like in a bottle.

Reply

About

Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.

Search

Subscribe

Atom, RSS 1.0, RSS 2.0 - no idea what the difference is.

Tagboard (!?!)

Apparently PHP7 doesn't support the same function calls I wrote in 2008? I should fix this at some point.

Recent Posts

Archives