I Choose Balls

1234 – Feist

My contribution to our new favourite movie. George Michael getting fired from the set of Knocked Up.

So yesterday, I was having lunch with Filgen, Caroline and Jamie Dixon. It was funny because I ran into Jamie first in the hospital lounge where Filgen works and he was all decked out in Blue Jays gear because he and Filgen were going to the game later that night. He had on a cap, jersey and was carrying a bag full of Jays merch. He looked like a tourist. Quickly picking up on this, I went into some kind of mangled Hispanic/East Asian accent and proclaimed, “I love Blue Jays, numba 1! De Blue Jays es berry berry good!” It was incredibly racist and, I like to think, funny.

The three of us went to this place called Burrito Boyz (I’m pretty sure it was with a Z, that’s how the hip kids do it). If you ever go there, I highly recommend the shrimp burrito. Heavenly.

Afterwards, Filgen went back to work and the rest of us went shopping. Caroline said that she needed to buy a new bra and some swimwear and that she needed our help to decide. I thought she was kidding, but apparently this is a common practice among women, am I correct? Or maybe she’s just an exhibitionist. Naturally, I ended up missing out on this because Caesar called me and asked me to meet up with him for softball practice. I could have put that off for a couple of hours, but I decided to be a good teammate and go. Besides, I had to complete my trifecta of missed opportunities for the week:

* Not taking the subway to console Lesley on Monday.
* Not staying past the seventh inning of Tuesday’s historic Blue Jays comeback.
* And now, not sticking around to watch a girl model bras and swimsuits.

Before anyone asks, my genitalia is a work of fiction at this point.

Okay, well why don’t you then tell me what you want to do and then I’ll do it so you can tell me you don’t want it anymore. I’ll do it to perfection and you’ll tell me that it’s garbage. Someone bring me a wardrobe change or something so we that can move on from this scene that we’ve gotten golden takes of time after time! And then none of them are being used. And if you rolled on any of the five rehearsals we did you’d have five more golden takes! Can someone tell me what we’re…doing?