This Lin girl from my dark, mysterious past is coming back into my life. And I am suddenly very nervous about meeting up with her for lunch today. In kind of a good way – I mean, it should be fun – but I haven’t really had any contact with anyone from high school at all in the last five years. And I don’t remember how to deal with people from that world anymore – what to say, what’s considered funny, how far I can push our patented racist homophobic worldviews onto her – and there’s a very real possibility that one of us won’t survive the encounter. So I think this is one of those linkless, contentless, “it’s possible you won’t ever see me alive again, so just know that I really loved and enjoyed…hating all of you” posts.

I think all I can ask for is if I come out of this without hating her. Also, I would like to have a lunch where someone does not smash a flower vase over my head. I would be happy with that. Lofty goals, I know…but I think I can do it.

It’s awesome – I spent an entire month suppressing my neuroticism, and it’s all coming undone not even an hour before tip-off. I am the absolute worst clutch performer in the history of the world, in ANYTHING.

Yes, I am definitely freaking out. I have less than half an hour to get drunk.

Thank God there’s a LCBO under me.

EDIT: Oh, thank God she’s running late. That shows how little she actually values my time, and how she has absolutely no concern about being late to lunch with someone she hasn’t seen in five years. So I won’t feel bad when I enviably offend her with one of my patented terrible deadpan jokes that doesn’t deadpan enough. I can feel it happening already. My mind is locking down, and in fifteen minutes time I’m not going to be able to say anything that isn’t from a Will Ferrell skit or isn’t an offensive drug/homosexual/racist joke. Excuse me, I’m going to vomit for a bit first before doing sixteen lines of coke in the washroom.

I can’t stop guys. I can’t.

Just be aware though, I probably won’t ever mention this lunch again in this space. I think I’m just going to keep this one thing to myself. Thanks though.

It’s been five years, we’ve had good and bad
The ivy grows thick in our dark backyard
When I shave in the morning, you don’t recognize me
I ask if you’re still there, and you answer “truly”