Sons Of Liberty

I was going to write up a silly bit about Kanye’s stunt during last night’s MTV Video Music Awards…but then I realized that I’m not a seventh grade school girl and I don’t give a shit about music video award shows. So…there goes that. Honestly people, it’s the MTV Video Music Awards – who gives a fuck about anyone that won anything? They are things absolutely devoid of meaning, not even worth the mental effort required to weigh their worth, like restraining orders or rec league co-ed softball championships.

THEY MEAN NOTHING

YES I AM STILL BITTER ABOUT SATURDAY HOW COULD YOU TELL

I am going to print out some of these awesome Motivational Wolf posters to get ready for next season. I will not be the Chris Webber of rec league co-ed softball. I WILL NOT!

– Chances are you’ve heard it by now, but after a failed attempt back in 2007, Jason David Frank (aka Tommy the Green Ranger) is officially getting into mixed martial arts. Look at those crazy tattoos! He even has one on his left forearm that reads “JESUS DIDN’T TAP” which is kind of psycho and kind of awesome too. He is apparently getting off to a great start by training with Melvin Guillard, one of the biggest bitchasses in the UFC, who has already done a stint in jail for cocaine possession and was also suspended and fined by the UFC for roiding up.

I bring this up because reportedly Patron WAMBAG Saint Jean Claude Van Damme is also stepping into the ring (hahaha, the photo) to kickbox a former Olympic gold medal boxer in K-1…so long as you don’t go for the face. Holy shit, he might get murdered in there.

Fuck The Forbidden Kingdom – someone needs to step in and sign both of these guys to the same league and finally pit one 1990’s childhood action idol against another for real. Van Damme versus the Green Ranger…you would be lying to me if you said you wouldn’t pay money to watch this.

– In local news…here are some somewhat bizarre and pretty sleazy voicemails a woman got from a gentleman caller called Dimitri attempting to woo her…that were apparently so outlandish, she sent them to a radio show to be play on-air to everyone’s amusement. Other websites have reported that Dimitri’s real name is James Sears, a former doctor who was stripped of his medical license after he was convicted of sexually assaulting female patients. God willing, one day, our very own Flaming Sheep will have a similiar page out there dedicated to him.

The whole thing is hilarious…and yet depressing, in the same way all those “NIGERIAN PRINCES WANT TO ENLARGE YOUR PENIS WITH ASIAN HERBS” spam emails are hilariously depressing, because you know the only reason they still try wacky bits like that are because there are still some people out there who fall for it. This man is a total creep, and yet has and will land probably more crazy (and likely Asian) bitches with this routine than you or I will ever get combined.

– If you are looking for some real talk on romancing, check Wizdom of the Week with Ghostface Killah for all you smart dumb cats, whatever whatever whatever. There’s a whole bunch of these on there, you can waste a whole hour just like that going through them.

– Is this the literal video version for one of my favourite songs of all time in Loser by Beck? Yes, yes it is! Three observations – one, this guy’s flow is almost just as good as Beck’s…which I don’t think is saying much. Two, this was indeed a pretty fucking insane video – Wikipedia says this video was filmed on a budget of $300, but even that still seems way too much. Three…this is still a pretty awesome song. “Heeeeere’s a shirtless dude…”

– Probably the craziest news story I’ve read this week, which has already been full of other crazy news stories – a double murder suspect has escaped a French prison by hiding in a cardboard box. And not only that…

Police admitted they had a tough task finding Treiber, a former forest warden, who knows the Othe woods 20 miles north of Auxerre like the back of his hand. “We’re searching the places where he used to hunt,” said a policeman.

Who is hunting who!?! Dude is like Solid Snake and John Rambo combined…but French.

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!