It’s Not A Lie If You Believe It
This post is about cake. Or at least a part of it is about cake. Or more accurately, portions of this post mention – specifically – cake.
But first – what is the deal with people dressing up for work on Halloween? I can understand a low effort witch hat or a Jack Sparrow wig, okay, have some fun at work, yeah. But paper mache decorations for your team’s work area and putting on green face paint and dressing up like Shrek’s wife? Save that for after work, please. Look dumb on your own time. Why go through so much effort to voluntarily make yourself look like that? Don’t you people owe me intake sizing numbers? This is what you’re spending your time on instead?
Halloween doesn’t belong in the office. It belongs in schools, where kids are. Or in clubs, colleges, or Toys ‘R Us, where the hot slutty women are.
We had a bit of a lunch party and some leftover food and cake was placed out in an open common area for sharing, as per usual office practice. I decided to have piece of cake with my coffee, but there were no plastic forks left. Since no one was around, I just decided to grab a slice with my bare hands. This seemed like a great idea at the time, and in hindsight I still have no regrets. However, I had somewhat underestimated the moistness of the cake and the thoroughness of the slice job, and the piece of cake I grabbed just did not come off from the whole as smoothly or cohesively as I had hoped. I essentially just grabbed a handful of cake and ran away before anyone could see me. You can even still clearly see the finger gouges I left in the mess of a cake that remains. (You will never truly realize how oily cake is until you have it on your fingers. I used to think it was just like…bread, with icing on it. Not the case.) Now this entire cake is ruined for everyone else.
To appease the balance of cosmic karma, I will now share with you these amusing birthday cakes I found on the internet. Surely these are analogous actions, are they not?
– This is just such a great idea to me, a Castle Greyskull cake. It’s pretty simple and unambitious since I guess this one was actually designed more to be food than it was designed to be a piece of edible cake art…but it’s still pretty awesome. Almost as awesome as this tentacle hentai cake. Which in turn is about 1/10th the awesomeness of this Super Mario Kart/Galaxy wedding cake. I’m a little bummed that there’s no post-pictures of the eating of that cake. That would really be interesting to me to see how it could be done, you know, like logistically. It doesn’t look all that structurally balanced to me.
– And now, Meat Hand.
– In a shockingly ironic development, the FDA has issued a warning that your Life Alert necklace could strangle you to death.
– If I actually lived in San Francisco, I might not be totally happy about Governor Ahnuld writing a “FUCK YOU” letter to California State Assembly member Tom Ammiano and his girlie man construction funding bill. Although if I lived in a city like San Francisco, I would likely quickly find something else to make me happy again. I also just find it difficult to believe how mad such an exorbitantly gay city could legitimately be at anything. As it stands, it’s just hilarious to me. Don’t tread in the shadow of the Styrian Oak.
– In a bit of sad news, Nicholas Cage’s father is dead. I will eat a bowl of cherries and some ghost meat in his honour.
– Recently deceased (via FBI shooting) Detroit Muslim mosque leader, and suspected terrorist Luqman Ameen Abdullah looks disturbingly like David Chappelle. That’s it.
– This doesn’t even need to be Halloween related, I just think this Captain America hoodie is pretty awesome. $60 for a hoodie seems pretty ridiculous…until you consider that you can never put a price on freedom. Furthermore, This is probably the best t-shirt I’ve seen in recent history, or at the very least it’s certainly my favourite. (Although I really like this one as well.) The tragedy here of course is that I’m a pretty crappy amateur web developer and no one I know would understand it. And yet I’ve posted it anyway, really only for myself. Careful observation of the availability chart will also show that a lot more Medium shirts have sold compared to the Small shirts. This amuses me.
Now I’m going to grab some more cake.
And at the city bank we will meet accidentally
We’ll start to talk when she borrows my pen