Feliz Navidad

The first time I heard that song, I thought it was some Spanish guy’s name. Like it was a song about the Mexican Santa, the guy who Generic White Santa delegated all the Mexican homes to because he didn’t want to cross into Mexico. I was pretty racist as a kid too.

Although I’m still not too sure I want Santa crossing in Mexico, you know what with all the big swine flu fuss and so forth earlier in the year. Everyone knows that elementary schools are like the biggest cesspools of disease there are because children are really just walking factories of contagion, spewing out germs and snot like greenhouse gases into the atmosphere of societal well being – how has no one ever considered how Santa Claus might be like the ultimate disease vector of all time? Weird pedophile-vibe aside, consider that he visits the homes of every single child on Earth in one single night. That big furry coat must be festering with all sorts of nasty stuff, and he also gets milk and cookies handled by diseased children from all over the world. Santa, I don’t want you giving my kids shitty wooden rocking horses or train sets if it means they also get some wacky strain of Bosnian flu along with it.

Or maybe some dirty strain of Elven AIDS – I don’t know what happens up there in the North Pole during the other 11 months of the year.

Moving on.

I want to thank everyone for their well wishes and also for your gifts. They touched my heart, and they will likely continue to touch the hearts of whomever I decide to re-gift them to next year. Merry Christmas one and all!

“What’s to-day?” cried Scrooge, calling downward to a boy in Sunday clothes, who perhaps had loitered in to look about him.
“Eh?” returned the boy, with all his might of wonder.
“What’s to-day, my fine fellow?” said Scrooge.
“To-day?” replied the boy. “Why, Christmas Day.”

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Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.

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