King Desmond & The Accelerators

I’m not sure how up to date everyone is regarding the current standard of (real, non-Friday) pop there is today, but I did want to muse about this one Let’s Play song by Kristina Maria (I’m sure there’s a 95% chance this is like government mandated Canadian pop), which is essentially about how she will do the sex to you very good. You don’t actually need to listen to it, I’m just going to cite the relevant portion here.

And if you wanna bring a friend
He’s more than welcome to join in
We’ll have triple times the fun
Yeah, this night has just begun

The paradoxical concept of having two gay babes at one time is not a new concept in pop music, especially considering how much rappers love lesbians and how much they seemingly contradictorily also enjoy having sex with them. But this verse in this song, if I heard and am reading it here correctly, is apparently about bringing an additional dude into the system. I didn’t blink when I initially misheard “she’s”, but after the second time around – when I heard it on the phone while holding for some customer service queue – I just had to double check. So either this is a paradigm breaking song about a girl singing about her desire to do the sex to another girl, or this is a pop song where a girl sings about how she wants to get double teamed by a dude and his buddy. I think this plays on easy listening stations like CHUM 104.5, and I can already imagine countless junior high dances today where this would be a big hit.

Am I the only one weirded out a little bit about this? Or am I just getting old and unhip?

– You know who else has gotten old? Old mainstream pop has gotten old. Specifically the members of S Club 7. Good God. This one hits pretty hard. I honestly think I would have taken news of their simultaneous and collective deaths by plane crash easier than seeing how they handled the transition into their 30s.

– The Beastie Boys are still going though, Make Some Noise is their first single…and I guess it sounds like every other Beastie Boys song they’ve been making for the last 20 years…? Which is to say that it is pretty good…? I don’t know, but I’m excited about this album even if just for this bizarre Fight For Your Right – Revisited trailer. For some reason I like the song much, much more when it is played over that stupid trailer. All sorts of goodness in that one – is that Steve Buscemi in one shot? Also, the end bit with the guy in the $5,000 suit…that is classic stuff.

– Also, these other three rapping white guys are back? I think these guys have a pretty good handle on combining dick jokes with pitch perfect mid 2000’s hip hop, wouldn’t you say? That is a pretty vintage Kanye West beat if I have ever heard one – put Cam’ron on that and it’s like you’re back in 2004, dropping “no homo” after every other sentence. Dipset, bitch.

– Again, this dates me a little bit, but I really quite enjoy this collection of the endings for Police Squad which was one of the original parody properties, back when the concept of subtly still existed in comedy. There is a Leslie Nielsen line that I remember vaguely from Castle, but I already feel pretty old writing this now, I don’t want to feel totally gay as well.

– This is the greatest period of the year for me in sports…when baseball arrives, hockey dies, and when the obligation of supporting the Raptors is taken out of my hands and I’m “forced” to watch a high level of basketball now between legit playoff teams. But most importantly, hockey is dead and the Toronto sports media can stop printing crazy things like when our coach says we’re two or three players away from a Stanley Cup. But only if they are Sidney Crosby, Patrick Roy circa 1996, and Pre-Crisis Superman. Also, recreational coed sports are coming back. Which means stuff like this and this are on the way. I don’t know how much you will believe me when I say these emails aren’t really that far off from some of the emails I’ve actually personally seen from my all dude softball league, but regardless they are quite delicious on their own merits. Is frustration at fielding a bad kickball rec league game the penultimate example of a White People Problem or what? I can’t wait for our first softball loss so I can send out of those emails verbatim, cursing out my team and calling out specific teammates for not hustling or being gritty enough.

And then afterward, I will send out a horrible and cringe worthy apology email like this one. Oh man, this one is so me. I love it. We all know people that do stuff like this, that is why these are so amusing. God, I can’t wait for May.

Get the feeling (get the feeling)
Push the ceiling (push the ceiling)
Player hater (player hater)
Get ready everybody ’cause here we go



Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.



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