We Skate To One Song And One Song Only

Oh sweet, a new Mass Effect 3 combat trailer that shows basically nothing that we don’t already know already. And yet I still feel obligated to post it. There is actually a weird tug of war happening in my heart between this game and Diablo 3. Assuming current projected timelines, there will be a good sized chunk of next year where both games will be out and still fresh at the same time…and I feel like one way or another, someone is going to get their feelings hurt when I realize I can’t dedicate all 24 hours of my day to both games equally at that time.

This world is so unfair! This is an insurmountable life problem of having too many video games I like coming out at the same time. I’m just going to kill myself and get it over with, life is just too hard.

Also, I feel like I should weigh in on this whole thing about Bioware allowing people to vote on the face of the default female Commander Shepard…but then I thought about it some more, and I found that I just don’t really care that much. The novelty of it’s pretty cool, and I’m as desparate for nuggets of Mass Effect 3 information as anyone on the face of the planet…but ultimately since only less than a fifth of Mass Effect players even play as the female version and probably only a small subset of that small subset actually choose the default model…it’s hard to argue that this really matters in any grand sense.

Thus, the purpose of finalizing the face of Female Shepard here is just for use within the context of advertising – she’ll be appearing on the box art and in cinematic trailers for the game for the first time. So it actually makes sense to put the most popular version of her on the box, and what better way of figuring out which is the most popular by having a Facebook vote off? I mean you can argue that the public masses are all fools and don’t represent the true contingent of hardcore Mass Effect players that will be most impacted by the outcome…but that’s an inherent problem with democracy – too many of the “wrong” voters vote, right? But the same bunch of hardcore Mass Effect players should already realize that there is no consensus Commander Shepard in regards to both appearance, gender, personality, style, player skills, or plot. That’s the whole point of the game, and it’s biggest draw – you have your own character in your own continuity already, and the entire concept of the “default” Commander Shepard is thus irrelevant. The fact that the runaway leading vote getter so far is blonde (known across the internet now as “FemShep 5” because it causes people actual physical pain to use all the syllables in a given word) shouldn’t matter to you, because you already have your own Female Shepard in your own personalized Mass Effect universe.

Yeah, maybe it isn’t entirely feasible that the heavily armoured, top dog of the Alliance military looks like a blonde Vogue cover model. And generally speaking you’d like to avoid comparisons to incomparable properties as much as you can…although it’s not like Samus Aran has a monopoly on heavily armoured blonde women in video games. I was personally rooting for one of the first three dykeier looking military girls (but the Rihanna rip-off Shepard would have been pretty great just solely from a comedy standpoint) just for consistency’s sake…but again, the only people that should care about this at all are the ones who haven’t already played through Mass Effect a sickening amount of times.

And anyone who hasn’t doesn’t really deserve my attention or the air they breathe anyway.

Now quickly some links to disguise the true purpose of this post!

– Oh sweet, some dude built the new Mass Effect rifle? Oh wait, less Mass Effect stuff.

– These are the sickest wedding photos I have ever seen. Goddammit. These are spreading like wildfire across the internet, get on this while it’s hot.

– Aziz Ansari started making some Watch The Throne comics…I’m not going to lie, they’re pretty amusing. Oh yeah, and 30 Minutes or Less is out…?

– Another great tumblr is Fiddy’s Biddies, which documents the women 50 Cent flirts with on Twitter. It’s fucking great, it just blows my mind reading through these.

“No one knows what it means, but it’s provocative!”
“No it’s not, it’s gross!”
“It gets the people going!”

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Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.

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