It’s The End Of The World As We Know It

Yes. May 15th. They’ve announced it.

It doesn’t seem that far away at all. I don’t know what to make of it…I think I’m still in shock. I mean I’m still so young, I have so much to do, so much left to see and experience! There is no way I’m finishing Mass Effect in two months. I’m terrified on a level that I cannot fully fathom right now.

I don’t feel fine at all.

– Someone cut up two minutes worth of words from like 10 months of Semi-Homemade Cooking with Sandra Lee out of context to make it sound like she is talking about dirty things. It’s incredibly retarded, but it’s also amazing.

– The NBA trade deadline is always my favourite time of the year…to talk about baseball spring training that is! Brett Cecil’s losing weight, Romero and Morrow are working on their cutters, Thames and Snider are competing for left field – it’s an exciting time to be alive! Check it out, the Americans are even talking about us! They acknowledge that we have a professional baseball franchise! This is unprecedented territory!

– Have you seen this? A crazy and irresponsible German dog trainer has taught her two golden retrievers (who are apparently pitch perfect!?!) how to play the dog piano! And if you watch closely, the dog on the right is actually hitting some notes before even being prompted, meaning that it can anticipate the pattern…essentially meaning that is actually knows how to play the song. Something about that terrifies me on an instinctual level that I cannot really express…my entire life, I thought that was the only thing that separated us from the animals – the ability to play music. Though to be fair, we’re not quite there yet…I mean the Flea Waltz (or Der Flohwalzer in German) is meant to be played in 2/4 time, and these dogs are fucking it all up. I can barely even recognize the song, Jesus Christ…invest in a goddamn metronome.

– Because this seems oddly relevant to the two month old tagboard comments still untouched there at the top, this is a promo bit for 21 Jump Street that really kind of defines how it is to completely lose control of an interview. I think I kind of want to watch this now…and yet at the same time still dislike non-fat Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum even more…? That’s good work.

– The first teaser for the Total Recall remake has leaked or something, and while there’s not much there, it’s exciting to see that whole Asian Sisqo thing John Cho’s got going on. One can only hope that they manage to convey the important elements of the first film…namely glass shattering (amazing parallels with Van Helsing rope swinging) and the environmental conditions of Mars.

I also hope that the DVD commentary will be as informative as Ahnuld’s on the original. Seriously, this is not a fake Ahnuld impression, this is really him saying these things? He is like doing a play-by-play call of the movie in real time…I actually prefer this method of commentary much more.

Leonard Bernstein!

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Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.

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