The World’s Most Awkward Man

Unusual circumstances led to me order a small coffee at Starbucks, where they call them “tall” coffees instead, because…I guess that sounds better than (but still similar to) “small” coffees. The cashier or “barista” was a young and frail Asian man, much like myself but even younger and more frail. We had the following exchange.

Me: I would like a coffee please.
YFAM: Would you like the light, medium, or dark roast?
Me: Uh…light?
YFAM: What size?
Me: Uh…small.
YFAM: Sure, one tall blonde coming up!
Me: Can I get a tall, leggy blonde instead?
YFAM: Huh?
Me: Nevermind.

That actually happened, literally verbatim…except I don’t think I’ve managed to capture the awkward tone and pauses, and the absolute lack of reaction from him quite as well in written form. So I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s insight into genius.

– You guys check out this new Outlook.com thing that’s supposed to be the upgrade of Hotmail that Microsoft is pushing as the replacement for Gmail? But there’s no IMAP support…so…exactly how is this different than Hotmail and supposed to replace Gmail? Brilliant stuff, guys. I guess the appeal here is really just a slightly slicker and prettier UI, which sure, is a selling point for people that care about that. Also additionally you can get a new @outlook.com email address, which is admittedly an attractive point. If you don’t have a straightforward email address with your real name in there that you’re satisfied with, snatch ’em up now! Or else you’ll have to resort to putting periods or your middle initial and stuff in there. I already grabbed mine, so here’s a big middle finger to all the millions of people out there that share my generic chinky name. I have like six email addresses, all in use depending on the level of professionalism I want to convey…I think I should maybe curb that.

– This is Homo Thugs and…well, it’s pretty straightforward…or not?

– Everyone please get accommodated to the new costume of choice for douchebags everywhere this Halloween. Vodka. Jesus. Revenge. I am Gotham’s reckoning. There’s also some conceptual design sketches of the mask that’s popped up on the internet, and there’s also some behind the scenes pictures that may contain some spoilers (ie. there are caves and sewers and stuff in the movie, also Hines Ward!) so if you want to go in fresh, don’t say I didn’t warn you. But man…some of these sketches look uh…less than professional. There’s some Big Van Vader elements in some of the concepts too…and now all I can think of now is how different (better?) the movie would have been if Batman’s biggest challenge was instead VADER TIME.

– Here’s some sweet shorts of animated Power Rangers action, versus some Clayface-like putties. Hip-hop kido, son. Only thing missing was all the WOOBOOBOOBOO sounds from the putties.

– This Snoop Lion thing…absolutely insane right? How come no one’s making a bigger deal of this? It’s amazing. I absolutely cannot wait for him to spell that new name out in verse. Don’t mistake this as me making fun of him though, because Snoop is really the coolest dude of all time, I mean the dude has been a millionaire for like over two decades…how does he still know how much a regular coffee maker cost? Shit be crazy, holla at ME. How cool is it to be able to just come back from a trip to Jamaica and just decide the entire world’s going to call you by a new name? And actually have them do it? That is some crazy stuff.

– Bob’s Workshop tells us How to Build A Bookshelf. Oh man…the saw.

There ain’t no party like my nanna’s tea party