Grey’s Etymology

After watching the 100th Grey Cup last night, I have come to a realization that should hopefully impact the rest of my life. I will never be a fan of Canadian football. That’s not a statement meant to discourage or insult the integrity of the quality of the league or tradition behind it…but it’s just never going to happen for me, and the sooner we both realize that, the sooner we can both move on.

It’s not you, it’s me.

…okay, it’s you – your field is massive, your end zones are bloated, and the whole three downs thing just weirds me out. I don’t like your obsessive infatuation with foreign quarterbacks caused by the lopsided value of the passing game. Also the rouge? Like…what are you doing? Seriously? It’s just never going to work out between us and it’s better that we both realize it now instead of wasting years trying to force it.

Also you are a whore. I mean…the Baltimore Stallions? Okay I’m sorry, that’s it, I’m going to stop talking now.

This whole Grey Cup thing is also very confusing. See, the Grey Cup is named after the ninth governor general of Canada, the Earl Grey. Not because the cup is…grey. The Earl Grey, by the way, is not a man’s name but a title – the actual man in question was Albert Grey, the 4th Earl Grey.

If you’re thinking about Earl Grey tea, that is named after a different dude, former British Prime Minister Charles Grey, the 2nd Earl Grey. The story goes that the Earl Grey’s envoy saved a Chinese dude’s son from drowning while on a diplomatic mission to China, and so in gratitude the man gave him this wacky tea blend made with the oil from bergamot oranges. So apparently Earl Grey tea is yet another thing the white man stole from China and passed on as his own creation, like noodles and forks. Except…records don’t ever show that Charles Grey visited China, Chinese people don’t drink black tea, and bergamot oranges are from Italy. So none of it makes sense. But if the original story fits with your relevant viewpoint on life, then by all means, feel free to cite it in future rants.

The first Earl Grey was Charles Grey the first, who was also apparently already a baron of a place called Howick, Northumberland. Eventually he was promoted to earldom and so the title of Baron Grey became Earl Grey. So these guys are earls named Grey, but also Earl Greys. They can also all be referred to as Lord Grey. No one is actually named Earl.

The Stanley Cup, named after the fourth governor general of Canada aka Frederick Stanley aka Lord Frederick Stanley of Preston aka Baron Stanley of Preston aka the 16th Earl of Derby is another topic altogether.

I understand none of this.

“I wish to court her in some manner, and I could use your help because I’m not, admittedly, very good with women.”
“Good WITH women? You, uh, you mean, good AT women?”
“Like, you can’t catch them when they run away from you? Bro, it’s 1776. They don’t have any rights. You can just take ’em and force ’em to do whatever you want.”

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Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.

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