The Pain From An Old Wound

I suppose it happens to everyone (old) but at a certain point you just want to stay where you are and revisit where you’ve been instead of embracing all this new craziness that’s going on in the world. I mean check out The 2013 Twitter Glossary. What the fuck is that!?! I have to know and understand that shit in order to stay relevant in this day and age? Yeah, that’s not happening.

So let’s jump back into the old and familiar and tell innovation and fresh ideas to go to hell, where they belong.

– The latest installment of Jerry Seinfeld’s Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee features George Costanza. Not Jason Alexander, but both guys are actually in character, filming an actual segment here. On one hand, it would have been interesting to see how they interact as real life human beings, kind of like how they did with Michael Richards and try to show him as not a crazy old racist man. On the other hand, I’m not going to turn down new Seinfeld. I’m sure it’s not all that high up on the difficulty scale of acting, and they did do this for like a decade straight, but it’s still pretty neat to see these guys reach back and fit into these characters so easily.

– Similarly, here’s the alternate ending for Breaking Bad that everyone’s been clamouring for since the series started. It’s bang on, and I disagree completely with people that say he’s overdoing it a little bit. Is this a Newhart reference? Depends on how familiar you are with 80s sitcoms.

– Pictures from Michael Bay’s new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie had recently leaked, revealing some weird models wearing some patchwork armour that supports the narrative that they would have had to bootleg crap they found in the sewers together. That is, if they even still live in the sewer and aren’t from like some alien dimension or whatever the rumour was earlier. My first take? Man it looks kind of weird but surprisingly not terrible? But what is up with the nose and what appear to be…lips? Their aguely humanlike faces are a definite negative, they are chilling right in the sewer at the bottom of the uncanny valley there. So let’s hope these are still super early and just prototypes and they refine the faces a bit to make them less human and more, you know…turtle. Afterall, this is the same dude that put lips on Optimus Prime. Well then let’s check out this leaked poster from the London Toy Fair and see if the (more) finalized and rendered images still feature human noses and lips…hmm, yup. Yeah, that is creepy as hell, I am off the wagon. Another commercialized rape of my commercialized childhood is imminent, I will just assume the position ahead of time.

– Recently compiled by Grantland is an oral history of Swinger, and everything about how the movie was made and the context around its creation. Great read, especially the bit where they talk about just how long it took to make Gretzky’s head bleed for super fan #99.

– Deadspin has posted a large excerpt of a book detailing the 1990-1991 Boston Celtics, although I imagine some of you might not be all that interested in reading about one of the NBA’s great dynasties getting kinda old and just starting to lose its championship swagger. But it’s a great read if you are. If you aren’t, I’ll just highlight this quote from Larry Bird – one of the NBA’s all-time great players and trash talkers, and arguably the coolest white guy ever – in which he speaks about his strict dieting regimen while injured.

He had put on a few pounds when he was out of action, but he wasn’t sure how many. “I was so bored, I’d set around the house, drive my wife crazy, and eat and eat. In two and a half weeks I was off I ate ten gallons of ice cream and seven weddin’ cakes. Why them? I ate weddin’ cakes ’cause you knew they was gonna be good. I mean, who would fuck up a weddin’ cake?” That was Bird philosophy at its most crystalline.

Who the hell goes out and buys wedding cakes for personal consumption? LARRY FUCKING BIRD, that’s who. He is the greatest. If I was given a deal to rat out Morpheus and get plugged back into the Matrix as whomever I wanted, I would choose to be a rich professional athlete in the 80’s. Baseball or basketball, I don’t care. Yes, an Asian Muggsy Bogues, I don’t care how you do it, just make it happen.

No one would accept the program, entire crops were lost.