Where No Man Has Gone Before Ooooh…This Is Uncomfortable

(soundtrack)

All Falls Down – Kanye West Pets – Porno For Pyros

I know you’ve all been eagerly anticipating my adventures in cashiering, so without further ado…oh wait, I’ve got some more ado.

Man, I’ve been making a habit of watching Family Feud lately. I might have mentioned this before, but that is the most awkward show on television today. For one thing, it’s hosted by the guy who used to play Al on Home Improvement (awkward…). Secondly, Al and the audience are supposed to be supportive of all the answers regardless of how inane they may be (Awkward! More on this later). Lastly, and this I just found out, the family dynamic can be really strange. The other day it was the Magnuson’s versus the Hirsch’s and the Hirsch family was composed of a mother, her husband, her daughter, her sister, her mother and HER EX-HUSBAND (AWKWARD!!!). You could feel the audience squirming, it was horrible. Bonus Points: He looked like a fat and depressed Cal Ripken.

Al’s a good host so he managed to just move right past that incident. When we finally get to the game, one of the categories is “Things We Associate With Leprechauns”. Not too hard, right? So the Hirsch family is cruising along with “pot of gold, four leaf clover, the colour green” and things of that nature. When it gets to the ex-husband, he says, “Liquor”. Al: “Uh…okay, let’s see Leprechaun Liquor!”

BEEEEEEHHHHH!!! <--------- (buzzer sound) Almost everyone in the audience had to be thinking, “Well, we can see why this marriage ended.” Or maybe that was just me. The idiocy of the Hirsch family continued with the category, “Things You’ve Been Bit By”. The Magnuson family blew it after nailing “mosquito” and then proceeding to try and name about 50 different kinds of bugs. You just knew that the Hirsch family was going to screw the pooch and true to form, the tried to steal the points by answering, “lovebug”. Lovebug. Lovebug. BEEEEEEHHHHH!!! What’s even funnier is that you could hear a smatter of boos in the crowd during most of the Hirsch’s responses. I think the producers shorted out the applause sign trying to quell those malcontents. So that’s it for the Hirsch’s, right? You’re forgetting that we’re talking about the most awkward show on television here. They won by taking the round where the points were tripled (don’t think about it) and earned themselves a shot at the big 20,000 dollar prize. Two more awkward bits here: Category #1: Name A Game That You Didn’t Want Your Parents To Catch You Playing

The sister: “Kissing in the closet.” I don’t even want to know, even though I already do. This family just ain’t right.

Category #2: How Many Times In Your Life Do You Fall in Love?

The ex-husband had to answer this question.

AWKWARDAWKWARDAWKWARDAWKWARDAWKWARDAWKWARDAWKWARDAWKWARDAWKWARDAWKWARD

I was praying, PRAYING, that he would say once. That would have been a moment of unequivocal awkwardness, I guarantee you that. Predictably, he said twice. *sigh*

Thankfully, they didn’t win the big prize. Un-thankfully, they will be back to defend their title. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be feeling right now.

Holy shit that was a long post about one episode of Family Feud. Listen, I’ll get back to you guys on that cashiering thing. Probably sometime this weekend, when my training is done. I mean…wow, didn’t realize this was going to happen.

How awkward.

So I looked at this kid from West Texas, feelin’ all betrayed ’cause he suddenly realized the land of the free had been fuckin’ him in the ass all his life–an’ I told myself, “Shit, so that’s what it’s like to be the white boy.” Any nigga you ask can tell you that’s how America works.