What Happened Today – by Choking Yak

Oh God…just kill me now.

7:30 – Out the door bright and early for another day of wonderful school! I’m so tired that I fall asleep on the subway and I miss Bloor. I’ve never missed that stop before, regardless if I’m sleeping or not. The russel of people getting on and off the train always wakes me. It’s going to be one of those days.

10:00 – Theory of Computation class, with the first assignment due soon, the professor starts talking about plagiarism. I didn’t stand a chance. I wake up in time to catch the tail end of his rant, about where to hand in the assignments. Information that was posted on the website two weeks ago. Why did I wake up at 7:30 today?

11:00 – Wetmore Hall, wondering why I’m sitting there alone. I cry for a little bit.

12:00 – Computer Organization class. I’m surprised why the lecture only went for twenty minutes. Oh wait, that’s because I blacked out during the middle half an hour.

2:00 – I swear to myself that I will make it up here, in Linear Algebra class.

2:15 – Professor still hasn’t come. People are starting to get restless. I study my double from afar. He has this amazingly hot friend. But his eyes show that he’s dead inside – he has absolutely no chance with this girl. They look like Max’s eyes. (HAHAHAHAHA)

2:25 – Professor’s still not here.

2:30 – Fuck this.

2:31 – As I leave the classroom, I see the professor come into the building through the other door out of the corner of my eye. I break into a run.

3:30 – While on the bus, I chuckle to myself and feel smart about how I so cleverly avoided another math lecture. Then I realize I paid thousands and thousands of my hard earned money to attend this hellhole and to have that lecture. I don’t feel so smart anymore.

4:15 – Finally make it home. I stare blankly at this computer assignment for two hours, but all I can think about is how not to plagiarize. Dammit, it’s in my subconscious now.

7:30 – Went to this new (?) restaurant called 419 Music Bar & Steakhouse at Commerce Gate – upstairs of Bubble Star. It’s an all-you-can-eat steakhouse. Meaning essentially…infinite steaks. I almost kill myself with three steaks and like five glasses of free Coke. I think back to my family vacation in Las Vegas a number of years back and how I managed to fit five prime rib steaks and the numerous mandatory scoops of buffet ice cream into my skinny Chinese frame at the MGM buffet, and still be able to go out and kick some white ass at Marvel Superheroes downstairs at the arcade later that night.

I’m getting too old for this. No pre-vomit conditions (where you can actually feel your mouth making more and more saliva) but I think I might have came close. It’s the Cokes. That’s what did me in. …and the meat. So much meat. Is this how pregnant women feel like? With pounds of flesh just sitting in their abdomen? I feel like I’m pregnant WITH STEAKS IN MA BELLAY. After this, Korean barbeque is like an afternoon delight. (…I’m not really sure where I’m going with that.)

9:30 – I lie on my bed, groaning. Up in the air above my bed dance slabs of cooked meat, mooing at me and questioning my sexual preference. Damn them. How’d they know?