Softball Report!

I don’t even want to talk about it. If it wasn’t actually the worst game I’ve played in my life then it was certainly close. I actually struck out at the plate. Yes, in a self-pitch league. That’s probably the most emotionally and mentally scarring thing that’s happened to me in years…when I got home, I just sat and cried in the shower like Tobias. Just embarrassing.

I think I had like four errors in the outfield, two of which involved the ball actually popping out of my glove. Just a complete and utter disaster in every possible aspect of the game. I don’t half-ass my failures – when I go down, I really go down. But now I think I’m being moved into the infield…have you ever actually been promoted due to poor play? It’s like if I burned down the office here, and the next day they promote me to CIO. I don’t get it, but I’m not questioning it.

And we lost our third game in a row. That stings.

Day at the plate!
Bottom 1st: Pop out to center.
Bottom 3rd: Struck out swinging.
Bottom 4th: Single to third.
Bottom 6th: RBI double to third.

Yak, Choking (CF)
Date   Opponent  Score   AB  R  H  2B 3B HR RBI K
May 6   HBK      W 14-8   3  1  2   0  0  0   1 0
May 13  SMM      L 25-13  4  2  3   1  0  0   0 0
May 19  HFP      L 23-7   3  0  2   0  0  0   1 0
May 26  PBB      L 26-14  4  1  2   1  0  0   1 1

G  AB  R  H  2B 3B HR RBI K   AVG   OBP   SLG   OPS
4  14  4  9   2  0  0   3 1  .643  .714  .785  1.499

AL, Big (SS)
Date   Opponent  Score   AB  R  H  2B 3B HR RBI K
May 6   HBK      W 14-8   3  0  3   0  0  0   1 0
May 13  SMM      L 25-13  4  1  3   1  1  0   3 0
May 19  HFP      L 23-7   3  0  2   0  0  0   0 0
May 26  PBB      L 26-14  4  1  3   1  0  0   1 0

G  AB  R  H  2B 3B HR RBI K   AVG   OBP   SLG   OPS
4  14  2  11  2  1  0   5 0  .786  .857  1.071 1.928

That’s why I have the K column there, I guess. God…that’s embarrassing.

Of course, as AL somewhat cryptically referred to, the most interesting softball related development of the week actually happened after our practice on Wednesday. As the story goes, despite in the midst of a three game slide, AL was still willing to skip practice just so he could get a haircut. Yeah, we talkin’ ’bout practice, but clearly someone here’s just playing for a contract. So Caesar promised him a free haircut to lure him out to practice…and for some reason…he took the bait.

What transpired can be summed up in the following before and after pictures.

If it looks like AL got his head shaved, kneeing in a field at dusk while we stood around in a circle and pretended to be blinded by the glare from his shirtless body…that’s because that’s actually what happened. And if it seems like some sort of initiation ritual for a terribly misguided neo-Nazi cult…well that’s because that might actually have been true too.

I wonder what happened to all that hair we left on the field. I hope kids don’t play there.

At ten, I shaved my head and tried to be a monk
I thought the older women would like me if I did
You see, ma, I’m a good little boy
It’s all your fault, momma, it’s all your fault