(A Random Post)

WAMBAG.COM Goes To CNAnime 2007: 2-Disc Special Edition

Homecoming – Kanye West

Just when you thought we couldn’t get any more self-indulgent! To commemorate the one week anniversary of the modern classic WAMBAG.COM Goes To CNAnime 2007, I’ve decided to release a special edition with new director’s commentary! By “release a special edition”, I mean write this post and by “new director’s commentary”, I mean the following text complete with timecodes:

(By the way, the special edition also now comes in Youtube format: Parts 1, 2, 3, 4)

The Intro:

(00:00) That gorgeous fifteen second intro was the result of us needing to get out of Brian’s house and get some fresh air. At that point, we’d probably been recycling the same oxygen for about fourteen hours. We went down to the lake, filmed a lot of nature stuff and came back. All of that took about forty minutes. You got fifteen seconds. That said, these fifteen seconds should stand as the opening to any future WAMBAG.COM productions, so time well spent I say.

The Interviews:

(00:16) Gah! Did we really have to open up this film with a shot of my face? And why are my shots so close? Horrible. At first I was disappointed that the version we posted online is of such low quality, but I realize now that that is a blessing for everyone involved. Our grim visages were not meant to be viewed in hi-resolution. You don’t know how truly hideous you are until you’ve made a half-hour video starring you and your friends.

(01:03) I have to say that Brian was probably the most consistent performer of the day. Talking heads, interviews, whatever, he was bringing the goods. At least that’s what my dad told me when I watched it with him. Crazy old coot.

(01:22) Brian also did a great job with censoring all the curse words. It’s a general rule that bleeping makes swearing much funnier, at least in regards to guys like us. That said, during Max’s interview we have one of the two vulgarities that remained in the film (Cocked Up). Of course, he could be referring to the cocking of a gun or a fist. Of course, he is not.

(01:47) You know, I used to think that I was a natural actor. After watching this video…well, let’s just say I’m going to work on my “lion face” and “lemon face” for a while.

(01:59) Just for the record, the “cock-tus” was totally my idea. And yes, I’m still mad that my dad liked Brian more than me. On a side note, we should show people the deleted scene where my mom walks in and asks us not to steal her plants. Though that’s probably more of a “you had to be there” kind of joke.

(02:20) For anyone who doesn’t know, the “orange squeezer” routine is one I’ve been doing for a few years now. I don’t even think it’s that funny, but people seem to get a kick out of it and for some reason it always comes to mind when I’m forced to improvise. I always add a little something different to the story when I tell it, as is customary with any good joke. Angel will swear to you that I came up with that for the first time talking to her and that I originally envisioned him (or her) to be named Tavish McSqueezie. I can neither confirm or deny that rumour.

(03:20) I’m just going to throw this out there in the hopes that it’ll get our site some more hits: SNATCH! That out of the way, this sequence is vintage Brian Liu.

The Car Ride:

A couple of comments: Even though this scene is complete filler, I’m happy we kept it in because singing along badly to I’ve Been Thinking About You has been a dream of mine forever and I think I knocked it out of the park if I do say so myself. I really hope that people appreciate the constipated, John Mayer facial expressions as well. Those were as painful as they looked. Kudos to William’s reactions as well, though that compliment comes with an asterisk. Initially, we were all supposed to have a song, but William’s part just didn’t fit in so we used his “sad” reaction shots as irritated ones instead. What was his song you ask? California by Wave. For once, our bad acting actually ended up helping us.

Now is as good a time as any to tell you that one of my early ideas for a tagline was “A movie so gay it’ll make Elton John want to commit a hate crime.” Maybe we’ll throw that up on the poster.

The Big Show:

Let’s just say right now that our plan to have predetermined characters during our interviews went completely out the window. I was supposed to be an overconfident, ignorant, Michael Scott-type guy. William was supposed to be suffering. Brian was supposed to hit on all the girls. It was impossible for William and I to maintain our characters for too long, but Brian did a good job maintaining his character. He DID have the easiest and most fun of the jobs though. It didn’t bother me too much that Brian got to interview all the ladies in the video, but after watching it a couple of times I wish I had said something. Not because I wanted to pick anybody up, but because I come off as a flaming homosexual throughout the whole thing. Then again, I guess there are some things you just can’t hide.

(05:58) For the first time in my life, I had a good reason to say “Welcome to Flavour Country”.

(06:14) The second hidden vulgarity: That is actually a fake post constructed just for this screenshot. The title says “Fuck My Life” and the content is a mixture of self-parodying humour and dialogue ripped directly from Flight Of The Conchords. All shall become clear when the HD version of this is eventually released.

(06:35) Why did I feel the need to drop the F-bomb in front of a bunch of pre-teens? Unnecessary. Also, if you can’t tell, this was actually our first interview of the day.

During William’s interview with Lancer, note how he becomes increasingly giddy as the conversation becomes more and more about violence. This is not acting.

(07:40) It’s a funny moment when the French elf ladies go “100 HP!” and I say, “I don’t know what that means.” That sad thing is that I have no life and I no exactly what that means.

William’s interview with Ichigo and Ishida might not have any manufactured jokes, but trust us, that’s a good thing. The one joke we tried to force in involved me mishearing Ishida (the guy in white) saying “Homo killers” and thinking that was very, very funny. It was not. We spent at least an hour trying to add in funny subtitles that would emphasize this misunderstanding, but in the end we scrapped the whole bit. It should be noted that we were severely sleep deprived, an excuse I would like to use for many of the atrocities in this video. Speaking of sleep deprivation, we stayed up all night Saturday working on the video and documented the state of ourselves at hourly intervals. This footage may or may not ever be released. Back to the interview, if anyone wants to know what the hell the red-headed guy is talking about with the doll and the “soul put into a gumball”, ask my brother. When I was watching that scene with him, he just nodded his head and was like, “Yeah”.

(09:13) Oh man, that acting! Geez…Luckily, my natural hatred for William helped me out during this scene.

Ah, the CloverCosplay girls…I am so, so sorry. Where do I begin with this scene? First, notice how the girl in white subtly deflects Brian’s first question to her partner. Second, she doesn’t even let him finish his second question before telling him to “take it slow”. Such resistance could not go unpunished. Thus…the Brian’s Serenade scene:

1. Brian could not, COULD NOT get the lyric “I can tell you like me too and you know I’m right” correct. He just couldn’t get it out. I know what you’re all thinking, “It’s such a beautiful line, what is his problem?” I don’t know, I really don’t. Suffice to say, just that one line, that ONE LINE took us about six or seven minutes to get right. And you know what? If you listen closely, he barely gets it in the take that we ended up using.

2. As this scene was filmed during our weekend in Kingston, there was noone outside of the three of us to provide any checks and balances. We thought the whole thing was hilarious, but we were sleep deprived and we’re a bunch of friggin’ idiots. Even Max or Gary could have provided some valuable insight, but it was left up to us to decide whether what we were doing was funny or flat-out creepy. We stuck with it.

3. There was another take we almost used. Brian nailed the last line, but I screwed up – of all things – taking a sip from my cup. I was clearly struggling to lift the mug and ended up adjusting my grip so it could be done properly.

4. The initial refrain becomes less masculine with every take. It was like he was channeling the guitar guy from the Juicy Fruit commercials.

5. To the CloverCosplay girls…again, I am so, so sorry.

That interview with Conan The Barbarian was really fun and not just because I was staring at his breasts the whole time. None of that was rehearsed and the guy just played the whole thing perfectly. I want to say that I made my voice crack at the end, but it probably just did that on its own.

(12:15-12:50) People have got to watch the Dark Prince character’s reactions to William speculating on who would win in a fight between him and his friend. He gets so defensive and you can tell that he’s genuinely disturbed by what his friend is saying. It’s subtle, but it’s hilarious.

(13:16-13:54) This interview reveals two of William’s weaknesses: He is apparently incapable of uncrossing his arms and he says “I mean” a lot. And this was the second take!

(14:05) I fought Brian to include a snippet of Protect Ya Neck (The Jump Off) and that’s why you get that little three second intro in there. So you’re welcome. Then again, I initially wanted to include the whole song in our “action montage” so I wouldn’t say that I won that debate by a landslide. By the way, those Star Wars guys were the 501st Legion: Vader’s Fist group who are mentioned in the credits. Even though that list is almost exclusively people who were actually interviewed in the video, we included them for two reasons: 1) They’re a professional group with amazing costumes and we used them in a few shots. 2) I actually conducted a great interview with someone who worked for them, but we didn’t include it. Why? It was too good. That is to say, I actually had a pleasant and funny conversation with someone and it just didn’t fit in with the awkwardness that pervades our project. Sorry, Nikki.

(14:08) I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor is awesome, isn’t it?

(14:45) See this group dancing like a bunch of maniacs? The two dudes from the right made out shortly after we filmed this. Yes, we have brief footage of that. No, you will never, ever see it.

Anakin Skywalker:

First, I would like to thank this guy for cooperating with us and agreeing to assault William. That was a bit we had planned the whole day and it looked like we wouldn’t be able to find anyone. When he began to wind up before striking William down, I was genuinely afraid (and excited). By the way, check out Captain Jack at about 15:10 helping Anakin with his lightsabre. I don’t know if this guy was his friend or if they met there, but he was pretty much Anakin’s monkey boy bitch.

The bathroom scene was tricky to film at first, because we were worried that someone would walk in and see Max filming inside a bathroom stall and that probably would not look good. Luckily, Chiu (who we met up with later in the day) had the bright idea of using the Caution rope that was outside of every washroom to secure the washroom until we could finish filming. It was a brilliant idea and mostly harmless, though I did see one potential urinator deterred by our makeshift barrier.

Second, I have to call out Anakin on one thing. Later in the day, Brian wanted to interview this pair of girls who had some nice costumes and seemed to be outgoing but Anakin was already talking to them and he told us not to “cock block” him. Thus, it is our cocks that were blocked. I wanted to refer to him as Anakin Cockblocker in the credits, but Brian and William were not having it.

(16:24) A bunch of the interviews fell flat, so we knew that we were going to use a time-skip gag at some point. Brian’s interview with Zuko lent itself perfectly to this idea. The crazy thing is that we didn’t even need to exaggerate it that much. I would like to add that the end bit where Brian says “I just want to die” is one of the few remnants of the many, er, extra-curricular scenes we filmed during the day. We filmed a lot of skits that we thought would be funny to mix in with the interviews later, but through a combination of bad sound quality and overall lameness, most of these skits were mercifully cut.

(17:45) I really enjoyed this interview with the Metal Gear Ninja, but only because both of us sound like we’re high off of our asses. I still don’t know what the hell we were talking about.

(18:59) If you’re wondering why there’s this random shot of Brian’s hip, there’s a perfectly good explanation for that. What you don’t see prior to this footage is what appears to be Max following a woman’s cleavage as she walks past the camera. He lingered a litte too long and we wanted to cut it, but Brian had a good line in there so we couldn’t do it. Now, I think there was just a tripod problem or Max slipped or something, but there is compelling footage that reveals he may have just been trying to get his rocks off.

(19:06) You can’t fully appreciate how funny these Trigun interview clips are until you understand what I was trying to do here. This was one of our earlier interviews and I was still attempting to get a rise out of people. So here I am mispronouncing the word “Trigun” and attempting to make innuendos and the guy was giving me NOTHING. I think he knew I was messing with him and to his credit, he deflected all my thin attempts at humour. I give him his due and graciously accept defeat.

(19:16) Also missing from Brian’s interview: These girls essentially saying that they thought he was cuter than Josh Hartnett. You go, girl.

(19:36) This interview actually went almost as long as the one with Zuko, but we just kept in the strange ending where the girl says “proud Asians!” because we thought that would be a nice WTF moment. Too bad, because they really connected on an emotional level.

Brian’s interview with the Bondage Girls speaks for itself. I should mention that it goes on for about a couple of minutes longer than we showed, but the rest of us were dying after that girl said “bondage” and we knew that everything after that was going to get cut. Another secret: Brian screws up his haiku.

(21:45) It is absolutely true that these Sailor Scouts denied us an interview. However, it was on the grounds of being ridiculed by filmmakers at a previous convention and not because of Brian’s repulsive nature. And yes, I know I’m talking really fast here.

The End:

(22:47) Brian initially wanted to use sad Charlie Brown music for his long walk down the hallway, but I insisted on using The Corrs‘ cover of Everybody Hurts. It’s just so painful and drawn out and it was the first thing I thought of when we initially filmed this bit.

(23:26) It’s hard to see, but I actually am fake singing along with whatever I’m supposedly listening to on my iPod. Looks like a Bee Gees song judging by my expressions.

There are three takes of our fight scene. The first one was ruined by our laughing. I’m not sure what was wrong with the second one, I think we were still smiling too much. Also, the phone hit looked shitty. We ironed everything out by the last take, but there are a few things to mention here. For one, William is not hitting me in the ass as one or two people have suggested after watching the video. Later, we explain that those were kidney shots. The whole day, William was talking about wanting to gouge out someone’s eyes like Rutger Hauer in Blade Runner. Somehow we forgot this when filming the fight scene and he ends up attempting to strangle me instead. That is a missed opportunity if there ever was one. Lastly, if you look at my face near the end of the fight, you can see that it’s all red as I’m blown up by that brief burst of activity. I seriously need to exercise more.

Regarding my shirtless scene at the end (and Max’ at the beginning), I would like to issue apologies for the lack of a warning and the lack of belts. Also, the lack of tans. Just around the corner there were a bunch of people, so even though I go past that pillar, I came running back a couple of seconds later.

(26:29) The epilogue was originally supposed to be one of those “What all the characters did after” gags where we would show a picture of ourselves complete with an amusing account of our futures. Unfortunately, we were too lazy and the video was running long as it was so we cut it down to a couple of title cards.

The Credits:

There’s too much to talk about here, so I’ll just mention a few things:

– Jess actually did provide additional photography, the results of which can be viewed on her Facebook page I’m assuming. We weren’t sure whether we wanted to give her a real title or a joke one. Originally she was credited under “Estrogen Injections” as she is one of our only close female friends, but we weren’t sure whether that would be funny or not so we played it safe. We saved the one joke credit for Gary (who, luckily for him, couldn’t be with us that day), a nod to one of his aliases, RabidEmu.

– Bubba’s Pizzeria is a place in Kingston that serves a great poutine.

– For anyone wondering where the hell that Lily Allen song was, we only used the intro of Everything’s Just Wonderful as elevator music for our missing footage of the Sailor Scouts title card.

– On the way to Kingston, I was telling William that we should use a Loney, Dear song for the ending sequence to the film for that authentic Wes Anderson vibe. Lo and behold, Brian already had a Loney, Dear song picked out. That was one of the few things on this production that just worked out.

– Explaining all the “Thank You”s is a post in itself so I won’t even start. I do hope that everyone got that the “…and you” at the end was a nod to pretty much every video game made from the late ’80s to the mid ’90s. They would always end with a special thanks section and the player would be thanked last. It was a touching gesture for a young kid growing up with no friends. We also wanted to add a high score graphic in the top right corner that would spell out “DIK”, but there was no time.

There you go. I know there’s plenty of things I forgot and things that I probably shouldn’t have even mentioned, so I leave it up to my fellow BAGgers to take care of any omissions. I have to say again that I’m really proud of this project, even though there is so much wrong with it. I only hope that people take it for what it is: A fun, amateur project that is only the beginning of better things to come. And yes, that should absolutely be taken as a warning.

Whoa. What is the matter?
It’s Patty.
Jerry, you break up with a girl every week.
What…what is this salty discharge?
Oh my God. You’re crying.
This is horrible! I care!

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Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.

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