Right, got to update the old girl…

I think I can safely speak for most people when I say that Simpsons seasons of late…really suck. I think there’s still some great slapstick left, but the brilliant wit well it once drew from has pretty much dried up. (…”wit well?” The hell?) But looking through this site, you can see there clearly was some ridiculously high level quality humour going on, albeit subtle. I’ve also read about some interesting bits coming up for next season – which is actually the 15th (!) one. One’s going to see them hit up England, which will apparently feature appearances by Tony Blair, J.K. Rowling, and Ian McKellen – all voiced by themselves. I hear that there will also be episodes featuring the returns of Grandma Simpson and Rabbi Krustofsky. Haven’t heard anything about Sideshow Bob though…which is understandable, given that they would need to bring both him and his brother back. Understandable, but still too bad.

Also, something dawned on me when I realized that I recognized over 90% of a list of Simpsons couch openings. And that was that I know of maybe…five people tops, that surpass my combined Simpsons/Seinfeld knowledge. One of them is my 15 year-old cousin, one is Assface, and one is the hypothetical being created from a fusion of Matt Groening and Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Groening?). …but to be fair, any of those three would easily blow me out of the water in a Simpsons/Seinfeld Jeopardy game.

And I then started thinking about something else – a “What If?” Like a Yak that existed on some wacky parallel Earth, who didn’t get hooked up on video games, comic books, and television – but instead focused all his (mine?) considerable brain powers into academics. So instead of memorizing the launchers and movelists of all 56 MvC2 characters, I’d know…like the elemental table or something equally as silly. And I believe that this alternate Earth is completely cured of cancer, still has all its rainforests, and that one daddy-long-legs I wrongly thought was a radioactive spider in my youth…would still be alive.

Or…maybe not, but it’d be different. And better? I don’t know – who’s to say? Alternate Yak would probably be pretty creepy though. He would have no witty and sarcastic (but loveable) inner core forged from lifetimes of life wasting entertainment to curb his secret, sadistic, evil side. But I would get such a kick out of meeting a dark, murderous, and boring alternate version of myself…even if he just wanted to kill me and take my place.