Fuck Eli Manning

(soundtrack)

My Sacrifice – Creed

WARNING: Sports oriented post…Sports oriented post…Sports oriented post…

With that out of the way:

The other day it was reported that former Arizona Cardinals player, Pat Tillman was killed in an ambush while serving in Afghanistan. He was 27 years old. Now I’m not going to front and pretend that I’m like, a big Pat Tillman fan or that I even give two shits about an Arizona Cardinals player. Hell, I’d never even heard about Pat Tillman before this story. But that’s the real shame of it, ya know? Here’s a guy who gave up a 3.6 million dollar contract and left his wife so that he could go and do something that he was never going to get recognition for. If he’d stayed and played football, he’d have people cheering him on every week and little kids looking up to him. The second he decided to give all that up and go fight in the war, he became just a statistic. Playing football, he could be a hero. Fighting overseas, he could be a grunt. Ironic, eh?

The whole thing just broke my little heart.

*****

Eli Manning is the next big thing in the NFL.

For those of you who don’t know or care about how sports drafts work, think about how when you used to play sports in the playgrounds as a kid. There’d be team captains and all the kids would stand together, hoping to be picked. Well, professional sports works the same way just with about 30 different teams picking and a hell of a lot of money on the line. The reason for drafts is that the team that was worst the previous year is supposed to pick first. Makes sense, right? You suck, ergo you need the most help.

Eli Manning ain’t having that. Manning is a quarterback, the most important and glamorous position in pro football. Just ask Jesse Palmer, a backup QB with his OWN FREAKING SHOW!!!

So this Manning kid is supposed to be the next big thing. A franchise saver. Unfortunately, he’s going to the lowly San Diego Chargers. His dad, Archie, is worried that his son will never make the playoffs with this team. He wants the Chargers to either not draft him, or draft him and trade him to the New York Giants. That is so wrong:

1) Shouldn’t you have confidence that your son is good enough to be the centrepiece that takes this team to the playoffs within the next five years?

2) Who is he be saying which teams will or won’t make the playoffs?

3) Like you have a fucking choice, old man.

Worst case scenario: Manning has threatened to sit out the season if he has to play for the Chargers. Very mature.

In summary:

Pat Tillman

– gave up multi-million dollar deal

– gave up the game he loved

– left a loving wife

Eli Manning

– actual first name is “Elisha” (yep)

– has no penis

– is a little fucking bitch

Rest In Peace Pat Tillman: 1976 – 2004

Burn In Hell Eli Manning: 1981 – whenever I manage to track him down and stick an AIDS infected needle into his rectum and then he dies from the infection.

Teen Titans Battle Blitz – Perfect for getting out all that aggression.