(A Random Post)

I’m so sorry. I apologize for letting it get to the point where all you had were Big AL’s long and irrelevant posts about his joyless and ultimately meaningless life. I consider it a personal failure whenever he manages to post two of those suckers in a row. But don’t worry, I’m back now, fresh with long and irrelevant posts about my joyless and ultimately meaningless life.

Yes friends, it’s time to join me for yet another installment of Choking Yak’s Provoking Facts.

– I’ve decided that I’m going stick with that title. Everytime I type it out, it looks worse and worse. Which is really what I aim for here. I mean, it’s what this site is all about. High quantities of low quality content.

– I don’t like putting all my grocery items out on the conveyor belt thing, all exposed like that. It lets the people around me and the cashier look and judge me, deciding what kind of person I am based on the goods I buy. Yes, I bought no name Spritz-Up instead of Sprite or 7UP. Because I’m cheap. And when you mix it with cranberry juice (like what I’m doing) you really can’t taste the difference. And what’s so weird about my purchasing of vasoline, Archie comics, and a pack of razor blades? I’m lonely on Friday nights.

– The lovely mix of cranberry juice + Sprite/7UP/Spritz-Up combination possibly remains the only useful thing I learned during all of Grade 8. And considering the jackass I was in Grade 8…it’s not only possible, but entirely likely. I don’t know where I learned it, I don’t know how I learned it, but all I know is that before Grade 8 I never knew you could mix cranberry juice with Spritz-Up, and afterwards I did. I love it so much that the last time I was on a plane, I ordered a can of cranberry juice and I convinced my brother to order a can of Sprite so we could mix it. He ordered the Sprite, but he wanted no part of my queer juice mixing ways. Which sucked, because just plain cranberry juice just tastes goddamn terrible.

– I think I fell off the wagon again. It started Thursday, when I had some errands to run on the east side (…also known as “Markham”). After I finished, I went on my regular weekly comic book pick-up and I ended up buying like triple the amount of books I had originally intended to. I couldn’t help it – there were just so many books I forgot were coming out this week. I also finally found that Colossus action figure I had wanted for months. And so in a moment of weakness, I ended up buying that too. Then with some time to kill, I ended up wandering around Markville Mall by my lonesome – my handsome, eligible lonesome – and somehow the DVD’s for the first season on Arrested Development ended up in my hands. And I ended up buying that too. Can you blame me? I was on a roll! I couldn’t stop – it was getting out of control. I even had an overpriced New York Fries poutine afterwards. One I didn’t really enjoy because it reminded me of Grade 11, and the fact that I had crappy cafeteria poutine almost every frickin’ day for no reason I can remember. The highschool nostalgia left a sour taste in my mouth. That, or the potatoes were rotten. But I was out of control. I don’t remember what happened for the next several hours, but I eventually woke up in front of my computer, where I had logged onto my eBay account. Oh God, it’s got me again.

– I heard Hey Julie by Fountains of Wayne on the radio the other day. And now I can’t get it out of my head. I wish I actually knew a Julie, so that this song would make sense. I’m still working on meeting a Beverly, by the way. So I can call her just to say “BEVERLY!” and then quickly hang up. … This is my life.

– My internet died yesterday. Apparently the company that provides the service had changed all the login account names, and didn’t feel like telling me. Actually they did – they had sent me an email AFTER the change. What the hell is that? I need the internet to get to my email you bastards! What’s the thinking behind that one? I was so deprived that I spent all my free time today at school in the library, catching up on my Malaysian bear porn surfing. I didn’t even take a lunch. (HA! Take THAT Jess! I’m ripping you off!)

Hahahaha. I like the purse. It just works on so many levels. …okay, fine – just one level. The “A-ROD = GAY” level. Ah…I hate the Yankees. But I still hate the Sox too. And apparently so does Bush.

– It says above that the time of this post is 4:53 PM. When in actuality it’s closer to midnight. Yes, I’ve spent seven hours working on this post. I hope it shows.

– I’m still haven’t gone through all of them yet, but these comics are delicious. Fantastic random arbitrary stuff here, sometimes border-line creepy. As I said, I haven’t gone through all of them yet, but so far this one is my top pick. The pacing is just so excellent.

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Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.

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