Malaise, Marginality, Michelle And The Melos

(soundtrack)

Living On My Own – Queen

Hrm…

I’d just like to apologize first of all for my posts being reduced to weekly updates as opposed to the witty, slice-of-life articles that they once were. I’ll do my best to change that. Now where was I? Ah, yes. By the way, this was a running journal so excuse the schizophrenia.

Hrm…

– Monday, November 29th –

It is becoming increasingly difficult to get out of bed these days. I attribute it to two things: The cold, naturally. And the fact that I seem to be in a down period with my U-mates right now. I guess everyone’s busy. Or they hate me. I’m feeling self conscious.

Get on the bus. Sleep. Ooze down the subway steps. Crawl on to the train. Sleep. Major British Writers. Mostly sleep.

I won’t get into the tale of the Stick of Life. Will and Jess were there. Short version: I found this really cool stick in Queen’s Park last week. Walked around with it for a while hoping that it would guide me towards the true meaning of life. No luck. Returned it from whence it came.

There’s this girl named Jessica in my Medieval Literature classes who I think is cute. I’ve been waiting for the right opportunity to try and talk to her. I had to ask her for notes a couple of times, so I had that going for me. Still, not a particularly effective way to ingratiate oneself. So I waited. Turns out this other gentleman didn’t have the same patience. He looks like one of those cats who’s real confident with himself. Not in that “everybody likes me” sort of way, but in that “some people like me, some people hate me, I don’t care. I’m going to buy a vanilla cappuccino” way. He looked like the kind of guy that Rachel or Monica would date on Friends (not Phoebe though, she’s got style). I’ve seen him talking to her in tutorial, then I saw them together in class today. I’m jealous. I hope that his balls fall off and roll down a sewer grate. I hate feeling like this.

Came home and watched some Arrested Development. Brilliant!

– Tuesday, November 30th –

Had my last Short Story collection class today. I was never caught up with the reading, so I didn’t talk the whole term. Too bad. Seemed like a cool class. The teacher assistant was HOT. She puts the T and A in TA (I’ve been wanting to use that FOR-EVER). It would’ve been nice to impress her with an insightful comment.

Couldn’t find a place to sleep (too cold outside, fear death), so I actually ended up studying in the library. Haven’t been able to get the taste out of my mouth.

Somehow Michelle’s phone went off in her bag the other day and left me a voicemail. Second time that’s happened. That’s about the only call I get from her these days. She has a new “class buddy”, John. Allow me to explain. I’d managed to carve a nice little niche for myself in her life. Julius is her “old school buddy”, Danny is her boyfriend and somewhere in there was room for a guy in the same courses as her. Someone who would put up with her daily complaints and who she could expect to see at the same time every week. You know, a class buddy. That was me! I suffered through Linguistics for her and I’d do it again, too! But now? I’ve been replaced. Disposed of.

This Chinese woman looks visibly annoyed by me as I write on the subway. Piss off, whore.

Took a nap from 1:30 to 4:45. In the morning. Ugh.

– Wednesday, December 1st –

Cold this morning. Walking through Queen’s Park was nice as usual. There was a bit of sun, which really brought out the, er, shininess of the area. Beads of rain on the trees and all that. Something was going on with the cars on the street. Lots of honking. “Like music”, as Jess would later note. Urban soundtrack.

Jessica isn’t in Medieval Literature today. Neither is that guy. They’re probably skipping class together.

Oh, wait, there she is.

Spent the rest of the day with Alexia. Just a good old fashioned “whine”-festival. Man, I was complaining about everything. We hit all the Alex Lee landmarks. My problems with trust. My problems with intimacy. My problems with women. It was like a greatest hits collection. Whoa, mixing metaphors, time to move on. To her credit, she gave as good as she got. We were supposed to study, but instead we vented for about 5 hours. It was cathartic.

– Thursday, December 2nd –

I woke up today feeling lighter. Thinking about all the stuff I told Alexia. I had that relief that comes from getting all your issues off your chest. Not only because it’s nice to have someone acknowledge your problems, but because of how ridiculous they all sound once you say them out loud. Aaaaah…(that’s meant to sound like I’m relaxed, not like I’m screaming. That would be, “Aaaaaah!” or “AAAAAAHH!” What? You don’t care? Okay.)

Almost inevitably, I made up with Michelle. I went to meet up with her and some friends and I eventually managed to carry her away from the rest of them. Literally. She hurt her ankle, so I had to piggy back her around. I managed to find this empty room at University College and we sat and talked. I told her how I felt neglected. After calling me a girl, she told me two major things: 1) She thought John was boring. 2) She much prefers my company. Ego sufficiently stroked, I decided that all transgressions were forgiven. Besides, she let me give her a piggy back ride. I can’t stay mad at her for a minute, I swear. Eventually we had to go and study with a bunch of other people, but I heard what I needed to hear. Thanks, Michelle.

– Friday, December 3rd –

Almost missed the bus this morning. Luckily, I was wearing my new Jordan Carmelo 1.5s for the first time! I hopped a couple of cars and landed on the roof. Saved myself a fare too.

Had to write a Major British Writers test. Probably failed because I was staring at my shoes for forty minutes. Time well spent, I say.

Went to lunch with Julius and Jainy for the first time in a while. At least with Jainy, who I haven’t seen in about a month. They’re having a lot of problems right now. I hope they don’t break up because I don’t want to have to choose between them…because I’d choose her. Heh heh, just kidding. I think.

I was on fire in my Medieval Literature tutorial. My best comment: We were talking about the underworld of Classical Mythology compared with the Faerie/”Other”-world of Irish mythology and this guy is talking about how in the Faerie world, people are trapped there and they aren’t actually tortured. They spend their time hawking and hunting and stuff. So I say, “It’s kind of like a minimum-security prison, then?” Brought the house down. I think Jessica laughed, but I was too afraid to look.

– Saturday, December 4th –

I wasn’t actually going to add this day on to this already too long post, but I had to. I got a call from an old friend who I think about far more than she realizes. We talked for a long time about things good and bad. I miss her very much.

It’s been a good week.

Yeh know, havin’ met the Good Lord face to face, I think I can honestly say he’s a bit of a prick…

Yep. Son of a bitch keeps on runnin’ away from me. Still…There’ll be another time for the Almighty.

Oh, aye, an’ yeh’re supposed to stop socializin’ wi’ people like me. I’m a blood-drinkin’ thing that crawls in the night, an’ he names me beast an’ all that sort’ve thing, yeh know?

That a fact?

So he says knockin’ around wi’ beasts is against the law’ve God, apparently.

Well he can shove his law up his ass, if just one word of it says I can’t stand by my friend.