Dick Lit

These Days Are Old – Spookey Ruben

Somehow, I always forget how to make myself feel better. Last week I complained about every little ol’ thing and now, I’m doing alright. How did this turnaround happen? Easy.

I took some physical abuse and decided to act more selfish than usual. Like I said, easy.

The physical abuse part came from an odd bit of work scheduling which had me working four days in a row (for a part-timer, that seems like a lot). Not that I haven’t done this before, but they had me doing something different each day. The first day I was exiled back to the dairy section of the grocery store, which is always fun. Some character decided not to come to work (smart bastard) and they volunteered me to take his spot, seeing as how I was SO GOOD at grocery work before. There’s a reason I’m a cashier, folks. I actually did okay, though as usual I was slow. And I definitely almost threw my back out on a couple of occasions. Luckily, I’m good at slacking so I managed to avoid that. I cut myself a bunch of times too. All in all, it was a great experience. I’d been whining so much about the stupidest things lately that it was nice to take some tangible abuse for a day.

The next day they had me pushing shopping carts around the parking lot and my back was still killing me. However, my masochistic disposition remained so this was perfect! I’m pretty sure that I was subconsciously trying to destroy myself. The day after that was kind of crappy, because I was back on cash. But not on the cash I was used to. No, my friends, they threw me on cash 9!!! This is the register that people are sent to to return things, so you actually have to interact with customers for at least 2 or 3 minutes. *Brrrrr* Still, another new experience. By the last day, I was back on regular cash and appreciating how easy my life is.

As for acting more selfish, well this came easily. Especially after last week when I tried to act like a man who actually, you know, cares about other people. My main, for lack of a better word, “problem” last week was dealing with Julius and Jainy, who had broken up. I was hanging out with him a lot and he kept talking about how messed up things were between them because they were broken up one second and the next they weren’t and blah blah blah. I wouldn’t have minded if he actually listened to anything I had to say. If I tried to discuss anything that was bothering me (and as you know I was feeling like garbage last week), he literally ignored it. Acted like the wind just blew by his ear or something. And if I tried to help him with his problem, we’d end up going around in circles as he would NOT LISTEN AND TAKE MY ADVICE!!!

Now, you might be thinking, “Alex, how good could your advice be? It’s his life, what do you expect him to do?” That’s what I told him! I told him to take care of business and that we’d already been over what he needed to do, like, ten times! So just nut up and do it! I got frustrated with him. I said, “Julius, you’re so much better than all this. You know what you have to do and you’re just not doing it. You’re such a strong guy, but you just happen to be acting weak in this situation. I’m not going to tell you what you need to do, because you know. Do it.” And so on and so forth.

I’d had enough by Monday. He called me over the weekend and told me that he’d taken care of things, but he still needed to talk which means that he HAS NOT taken care of things. So I decided to be selfish. I was planning to have lunch with Michelle on Monday, so I’m talking to him on MSN and it goes something like this:

Julius: Are you going to lunch with Meesh (his nickname for her) on Monday?
Alex: Yeah.
Julius: Oh.
Alex: I hope you’re not thinking of coming along.
Julius: Ha ha.
No.
Serious?
(insert stupid smiley face)
Alex: Yeah.
Julius: Ha ha.
Okay, no worries.
I’ll just go to her class, then.
Alex: Cool.

So I go meet her and he’s there with this shit-eating grin on his face and he’s like, “Don’t worry about it, man, I’ll respect your privacy. I’ll go find something to do.” And he gives me a playful punch on the chest while laughing in his annoying Julius way. And I go like, “What? Do you want a medal or something?” Then we went our seperate ways. Michelle was shocked that I was treating him that way and I told her that the boy needed some tough love.

But most of all, I just felt like being a prick. And oh yeah, lunch with Michelle was amazing.

So there ya go. I realized that the most physical stress I endure in life is pushing shopping carts and lifting milk crates and the only mental stress I have to deal with is having my close friends confide in me too much. Bastards!

*sigh* Perspective can be a pain in the ass. I’m like Spider-Man everytime something bad happens to him and he throws his uniform in the trash and says, “Hey world, say goodbye to Spider-Man!!!” And then three issues later, he’s back. I guess I’m saying that it’s time for me to pull the costume out of the trash and start web-slinging again.

…

Geez, that was horrible. I’ve got to figure out a way out of this. Ooh, ooh, funny link! Why does he even try anymore? The best part? Archives! Ha ha, come on…really?

PQ:
Don’t think dressing like a fucking minister’s gonna save your ass if I start kicking it!
I get through with you, boy–You’re gonna wish your daddy pulled out early.