My aunt owns a flower shop, and so I spent Valentine’s Day helping out. Business at the flower shop always picks up around this time of year. I’ve never really figured out why. Regardless, here’s a small recounting of my days in today’s installment of Provoking Facts from Choking Yak.

– I’ve been walking this Valentine’s Day beat for a long while now. And I’ve noticed that men predominately buy flowers as gifts. And women predominately buy teddy bears and other types of stuffed critters as gifts. That makes sense right? I’ve also noticed that in the days preceding Valentine’s Day, the majority of customers are women. And then on the day of, it’s mostly men. And during the last three hours before closing time on Valentine’s Day, it’s all men. I guess that makes sense too.

– The place I worked was in the middle of the mall. So I saw some really stupid looking people walking around. This one guy in particular sticks in my mind. An Asian punk (possibly a dirty Thai, for Jess’ sake) complete with leather jacket, random blonde highlights, a face you’d pay money to kick, and a gay entourage of similar characters. The type of guy who gives the impression that he looks like he’s always pouting in an attempt to look hard, a guy who rides a lame import with tweaks that cost more than the price of the car, who holds his right hand at the top of the steering wheel while he drives, the guy who talked way too loudly in the school cafeteria in his dirty Asian language. That kind of guy. And these bastards would always buy Valentine’s Day gifts. And every time, it would piss me off. Why do these losers have nice girls to buy gifts for and I don’t? But I don’t feel so bad about that anymore. Because I realized that these gifts are probably for their gay entourage members, and not some hot girlfriend. Least that’s what I tell myself, and if it helps me sleep a little easier at night, then I’ll keep saying it.

– A lot of people mill around the shop and orbit it like it’s a giant celestial body, trying to decide on what to buy or whether to buy something at all. If they get the point where they look like they’re just about to give up and leave, I attempt to telepathically compel them to stay and buy something instead (Trab pu kcip…TRAB PU KCIP!). I’m 2 for 16. Nine of those times, they went to Laura Secord instead to buy chocolates. And once, it backfired on me and I ended up buying some ice cream. Laura Secord might have been a nosy gossiping bitch, but her ice cream is delicious.

– Someone paid with a five dollar bill that had a website printed on it. Seemed interesting, so I obliged to help out. And apparently, I’m the only one that’s done so. That’s pretty lame. Lamer still is that someone paid me with Quebec money! But note the distance between North York and Canton-de-Granby – 562 kilometres. Huh.

– For no reason at all, here is a list of all the main Sin City books, including the year they were originally published.
Sin City (1993)
A Dame To Kill For (1995)
The Big Fat Kill (1996)
That Yellow Bastard (1997)
Family Values (1997)
Booze, Broads & Bullets (1998)
Hell And Back (2000)
As I understand it, the movie will be based off the first four books. Also included is the story The Customer Is Always Right (starring Josh Hartnett as the salesman), which originally was featured in the one-shot The Babe Wore Red And Other Stories (1994), and is collected in Booze, Broads & Bullets. I’ve heard that it was originally filmed as a pitch for the Sin City movie, and then later thrown into the main movie just for kicks.

– Also for no reason at all, here‘s the Sin City trailer again. I’ve already saved it to the hard drive. I say it’s the best goddamn trailer of all time. The fact that it beat out the first trailer for The Life Aquatic in my eyes, even while pretty much devoid of usable one-liners should speak for itself. Dammit Jess, now you’ve got me hooked on this movie again. April 1st is too far away. I am pumped for this movie. …and yes – I was pumped for The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen (aka LXG…ugh) as well – but to be fair, that was before I saw the trailer. And also, Sin City > The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Especially the second one, with Martians. That one sucked.

– What kind of loser buys his girlfriend flowers anyway? It’s so corny that it’s pathetic. How sad. I hope that I will never get to the point in my life where I’ve become such a useless waste of flesh that I will resort to buying my girlfriend flowers. But what do I know? Maybe it’s so cheesy that it’s clever. Maybe it’s a little disarmingly charming? …maybe a little…endearing? No? Okay.