Here are some Provoking Facts…

– I went to Market Village over the weekend, and the oddest thing happened. I found an empty parking spot close to the entrance. Like literally thirty paces from my car to the mall. I didn’t really know how to handle it, so I just assumed it was a sign of the apocalypse and took my own life.

– Remember Gunstar Heroes, one of the greatest side scrollers of all time? It was only released on the Genesis, so all you loser Nintendo kids missed out. Well, word on the street is that SEGA’s reserved the name “Gunstar Super Heroes” which may or may not be the long awaited sequel to Gunstar Heroes. I have mixed feelings about this, as SEGA has been on the decline in recent years, and I would rather not see one of the favourite games of my childhood all whored up in 3D like Sonic was.

– I’ve been trying to gradually phase out the hat. I’d like to gradually get to the point where I don’t need to wear it anymore. But I want a new Jays cap. The time is right – I can taste it in the wind, and I can feel the fire burning in my loins. Though to be fair, that could just be any one of the thousands of venereal diseases I caught in my youth. Maybe I’ll just get the cap, but I won’t wear it. I’ll just put it in the closet and look at it fondly from time to time. That sounds logical.

– Apparently there’s going to be a Yao Ming movie coming out, and the trailer makes him seem like the great Messiah of China. …okay, well I like Yao – his game flows like the Yangzhi River and has a deceptively soft jumper…but the dirty chink is 7’6″ and he only averages 8 boards a game! His greatest career accomplishment is getting raped by Shaq in the first round of the playoffs, and for that he gets a documentary made of him? Forget that. I’ll buy a ticket of course – I mean, as a fellow dirty chink, I feel compelled to support him in whatever capacity I can. Also, I want to see if the love affair between Steve Francis and Cuttino Mobley makes it into the movie as an engaging subplot. I think Jess would enjoy that, if only she didn’t hate black people.

– On a completely unrelated topic, I wonder sometimes if there will come a day when I step back for a second and this site will have become so racist, homophobic, and just generally all-out offensive that it will actually shame me. I remember when this site was about Magic cards and how cool Avril was compared to Michelle Branch. Now all we talk about is how much blood came out when Max had his penis devoured by a Malaysian bear. We’ve changed. The site’s changed. For the better? For the worse? I can’t say. But we’ve lost a little bit of innocence along the way.