So after the WAMBAG-sanctioned viewing of all six Star Wars movies in one day, I guess I have some thoughts to share:

I don’t know exactly when I started liking Star Wars. I just remember that I watched the movies when I was very young, impressionable, and easily swayed by the bright flashes of blaster fire and swords of “pure energy”. How could I say no?

I remember when I was in grade nine, I was really excited about Episode I. I collected all the paraphernalia – lightsaber pens, Star Wars pop cans (I still have them all, including that one American version of Palpatine I picked up on a trip, to complete my collection), a tattoo of Jake Lloyd on my ass. As they say, you make mistakes when you’re young. But that’s not even the embarrassing part. When I first saw The Phantom Menace, I actually thought it was a great movie. Gripping even. I couldn’t breathe during that whole scene with the Darth Maul dual and an annoying toddler accidentally blowing up a Droid Battlestation. I didn’t even mind Jar Jar.

Then Episode II came out. I loved it. Admittedly, the “romance” – if you could call it that – was laughable at best. Even to a cold, mecahnical bastard, such as myself, who will never truly understand the human concept of love. But Attack of the Clones was Star Wars porn. And it did what porn does best: crappy dialogue and plot leading up to an ultimate climax of unadulteredm, wanton lightsaber-on-lightsaber action. Yes, Yoda busting a move was ridiculous. But it was showcasing the side of Yoda that was hinted at when he lifted that X-Wing in Empire. At least that’s what I told myself.

I usually have a pretty good bullshit detector for movies, as opposed to songs; I have to listen to them a few times before I decide whether I like them or not. Unfortunately, I’ve been off with the Star Wars movies. It’s obvious that my childhood, like the childhood of the millions of others this weekend, has clouded my judgement slightly. Well, I’m glad to say that I’m finally free of the nostalgia. During the six movie marathon, I realized that:

– Episode I sucks.
– Episode II sucks.
– Episode III is slightly better than the last two. But this is akin to saying that being shat on by an elephant is slightly better than having the moon’s gravity altered so that it hurtles towards the planet and crushes you (specifically). In other words, it sucks.

There are so many things wrong with the movie, including my personal pet peeve of the lack of dialogue during the lightsaber duals. I won’t go into more details, but will provide you with this gem. I rest my case.

To contextualize my thoughts on the end of the “saga”, I’ll say that I was more engaged by watching original trilogy whilst playing an embarrassing number of games of Magic than I was in the theater watching Revenge of the Sith.

I guess the circle is complete. When I finished the original trilogy, I was but the fanboy. Now I am the skeptic.

So do me a favour: let’s just forget the prequels ever happened, and enjoy our childhoods in their original form, ok?

P.S. My first reaction to Episode III was recorded here.