This post is both sports related and insane. So continue at your own risk.

I think I’ve already mentioned at least once my dream for the Raptors to have an entire line-up of Mr. Williams(es?) on the floor at once. Didn’t really come true since we cut Corey Williams and there’s no other realistic way to get another Williams for the PF spot, but a dream is a dream. Charles Xavier never gave up on his dream for humankind and mutantkind to live together in peace and harmony, right? (…okay, well he did, numerous times over the years, but that’s not the point.)

However at the same time, it’s not like that was his only dream. I’m sure he also had dreams of getting his hair back, or maybe being able to walk again (which actually happened once or twice, immediately proceeding the loss of his legs quickly after).

So here’s another dream I’m working on. Stick with me on this one. It’s for the Blue Jays, or as the younger kids call them these days – “The Jays”.

Last Wednesday, I saw Roy Halladay, Brad Arnsberg (Jays pitching coach), and AJ Burnett (potential Jays free agent signing) sitting in the second row of the Raptors season opener. There was also a clip of AJ pitching a big foam ball to the Raptors mascot, which he proceeded to hit into the stands…which I thought was an odd thing to do, since we would be signing AJ based on his ability to not throw pitches that batters knock into the stands. But whatever. So AJ’s in town, we’ll probably sign him, which is good, and we’ll probably overpay for him with like a four year $12 million per year deal, which is bad. Regardless, let’s assume we sign him and AJ Burnett is a Blue Jay for the 2006 season.

Yesterday, The Globe and Mail reported that BJ Ryan will visit Toronto next week. The best and youngest closer available in free agency this year, probably the best young closer in the league overall, and someone I would kill to have in Toronto even if we have to pay him $8-9 million a year. Though I wouldn’t mind Ugueth Urbina (who was arrested today for attacking some Venezuelans with machetes and setting them on fire) or Kyle Farnsworth (only so that the Jays would be featured in more comics for The Dugout). But signing BJ Ryan would be awesome, and that’s not even considering all the possibilities of having someone named “BJ” on your baseball team, which oddly enough is called the Blue Jays. Let’s assume we sign him (which is a somewhat unlikely event, though it would be very likeable) and BJ Ryan is a Blue Jay for the 2006 season.

You’ve probably figured it out by now, but here are the next steps necessary to make my new dream come true.

1) Sign CJ Nitkowski, another free agent, who had an 8.10 ERA for the Washington Nationals last year, and by all accounts, sucks. But he’s left-handed and apparent has a 94 MPH fastball, so this signing could still somewhat make sense, if we’re trying to add some left-handed depth to the bullpen, which we actually need. Let’s assume we sign him too – not probable at all, but certainly possible – and CJ Nitkowski is a Blue Jay for the 2006 season. If only for a game or two before he gets sent to AAA.

2) Two ideas here. First, we could sign free agent second baseman D’Angelo Jimenez and just nickname him “DJ”, which is kind of cheating. Also, that doesn’t make too much sense considering we already only have two starting spots for Aaron Hill, Russ Adams, and Orlando Hudson – all of which are better than him. So the second idea is based on the idea that it’s much easier to CREATE a “DJ” than to sign one. So let’s train Orlando Hudson to be a disc jockey so that his new nickname can be “DJ O-Dog”. Hell, he might already be a DJ. Let’s assume we won’t trade our new Gold Glover this off-season and that DJ O-Dog is a Blue Jay for the 2006 season. We’re starting to leave the realm of possibility here, but let’s soldier on regardless.

3) The Los Angeles Dodgers have this pitching prospect Edwin Jackson and they need a first baseman. Trade them Eric Hinske and another pitching prospect like Shaun Marcum (that might be too much actually…maybe WAMBAG-disapproved pitcher Chad Gaudin…?) for EJ plus filler. That’s not actually his nickname…yet, but you get the idea. But again, it’s kind of cheating. It’s out of nowhere and I can’t see how the Dodgers would do it, but it wouldn’t be a bad move, and we dump Hinske’s contract so we can sign AJ and BJ. Let’s embrace fully embrace this descent into madness and assume Edwin “EJ” Jackson is a Blue Jay for the 2006 season. Still possible!

At this point I’m starting to run out of ideas, but here are a couple of remaining possibilities.

– JC Romero doesn’t really fit, but I’d like to see this happen anyway. He could be our closer or at least our top lefty, and there were a lot of trade rumours about him last year. I’ll take JC Romero over CJ Nitkowski any day. Like today!

– The next big Japanese player is going to be Kenji Jojima, and while JP Ricciardi (our GM – look at that name, it’s coming together!) is happy with the Z-Man, and Kenji’s probably going to end up with the Mets or Padres, it’s still not impossible! And maybe his nickname of KJ would develop naturally over here. Who knows?

– Jacque Jones is a free agent this year. He hit 23 homers and had a .852 OPS…four…years ago. JJ could be on JP’s list this year, if we can’t get anyone else. Maybe not his Plan A or Plan B or even Plan H or Plan I…but at least his Plan K. Or maybe even a bit higher…?

– Geoff Jenkins is another guy we could realistically go for. It’s cheating again, since nobody other than me is going to call him “GJ” but he had an .888 OPS last year! Brewers need starting pitching…maybe Ted Lilly or David Bush + prospects for GJ? I wouldn’t be surprised if we actually got this guy, unlike every other player I’ve listed.

– WAMBAG-approved mad dictator Raul Julia‘s initials are RJ. Can we get him in here somewhere? He’s dead, but I don’t really see that as a huge problem. Plus he’s Puerto Rican which would be like signing an Irishman for a baby making team or a Chinaman for a being-really-cheap-and-having-squinty-eyes team. And is it any coincidence that Dee Jay was his right hand man?

Anyway, I think you can get a sense of what my new dream entails. It’s a long shot, but it’s still all technically possible. …’cept for the last one maybe, where we would need to animate dead M. Bison to play professional baseball.

A man can dream, can’t he?