Overdue

All I See Is You – Dusty Springfield

I’ve been having one of those “damn, life is good when you don’t have to think about school” weeks. And let me tell you, damn life is good. Not perfect, but good. And I’ll take that these days.

*****

The company Christmas dinner was a’ight. Same as last year. I had a much better seating arrangement this year though. Last year I sat next to this girl, Ashley (who was fired) and this white guy Greg (good fellow, quit some months back). I still couldn’t get a seat with Adriana because I was working that day so I was one of the last people to get there. Let’s just say she didn’t have trouble finding company. However, I did manage to get a seat in the corner next to Christina and in front of Amber. Christina is an odd girl. She’s super social and chatty and generally nice, though she definitely has her moments of poser-ness. She’s white, what do you expect? She’s the only person at work who I told about the Adriana thing, which in retrospect was a mistake. Amber I’ve mentioned in this space before. She’s such a dork, I love her. She didn’t show up last year, partly because she was busy and partly because, like me, I think she hates these things. She didn’t leave her seat to schmooze all night. That was fine with me. We get along just fine. Maybe I should tell her about Adriana. Hmm…

At last year’s raffle I won a box of cookies. This year, I won a $40 dollar turkey. Well, actually I won an empty envelope that says “One $40 turkey-to be picked up from Mike.” I’m genuinely afraid that I show up at work with my prize and they just go like, “What the fuck is this? An empty envelope? You want a turkey for ‘dis? Get outta here!” And you know I wouldn’t say shit. When I won I went up screaming “We did it! We did it!” I had this whole speech prepared, but I chickened out and didn’t do it. I did hug my manager Irvin though, which made everyone VERY uncomfortable, I’m sure.

Christina spent the whole night trying to kiss this guy, Sid. He’s an alright kid, kind of a dick sometimes. What she sees in him, I’ll never know. She was my ride though, so I didn’t say nothin’ to her. At the end of the night she was obviously trying to kiss him and I swear he actually had to push her head away. I laughed within. I said my good-byes a little too early so I was left standing out in the snow waiting for Christina to finish getting rejected. Eventually Adriana came out.

She was like, “Hey Mr. Anti-social.”

And I was like, “Goddammit I’m in love with you.” Well, in my head.

She told me that she screamed “Soy Dream” when I was getting my prize. I didn’t hear her. Soy Dream is our little inside joke. I won’t get into the details, it’s not that interesting. For the second year in a row, I spent the whole party not talking to her until the last five minutes or so, by which time it was way too late. Next year, I guess.

*****

The whole week I’ve either been playing College Hoops 2k6 or working. That’s seriously it. I haven’t worn anything besides my pajamas and my uniform. I lead a charmed life.

The only problem that came up this week was EVERY FUCKING MACHINE AT WORK MALFUNCTIONING!!! Normally I wouldn’t care, I’d just call whoever was in the office to take care of it…oh shit, I’M IN THE FUCKING OFFICE!!! So I’m the one who has to call tech support (God bless ’em they’re so helpful and patient) three or four times a day and manually run from the office to the register back and forth to fix the damn things! I’m not even sure if that was a proper sentence, but I ain’t fixin’ it now. That’s how crazy these machines make me. And the shifts are filled with new kids. Lord, I can only take so much.

Worst of all, I won’t even get to see Adriana this week. Normally, no matter how much shit I have to put up with at work, at least she’s usually there to make me feel better. It’s funny, sometimes just making eye contact with her and seeing her smile is enough to improve my day.

I’m sorry, what was I talking about?

*****

The real reason that I’m writing this post, despite all that other stuff, is to thank Natasha. I wouldn’t be enjoying anything right now if it wasn’t for her. Last Friday I was struggling to finish this 20th Century Canadian Fiction essay that was already four days late. I had no motivation, no inspiration. Nothing. It’s like, one or two in the morning when she pops up online.

Natasha: what are YOU doing up!
Me: Trying to finish this forsaken essay
Natasha: lol

Just communicating with another human being that late at night is always comforting. The one thing about working on an assignment or studying for something that late at night is you feel like you’re the only person still awake in the whole world. Moving on, she had her own problems.

N: i am going to fail this eng exam
M: What a coincidence, I’m not going to finish this essay. It was due four F’ing days ago.
N: hahahahaha U CAN DO IT
this exam is 20% and I have not read ONE book
and I have not been to class in a month but I have notes
i just feel depressed LOL
M:I haven’t written a single word!!!

I wanted to scream, I swear. I thought, no one will blame me if I just give up here and tell my prof to go screw himself. I can’t take it anymore…I cannot take it anymore…I…

N: i believe in u

I finished the essay at about seven in the morning. We talked on and off throughout the night. I save the conversation, the only time I’ve ever done that. Not just because it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but as a testament to how amazing Natasha is. Maybe it’s easy for her to say things like that, but it still means so much to me that she does. She could say it a hundred times and its value would never diminish. I was seriously not going to finish the essay, but four simple words, written with no grammatical consideration: i believe in you, made me do it. They improved me. This is what immediately followed.

N: how much penalty is it per day
M: 2%, so not that bad.
N: good good
M: Why’d you have to go believe in me like that?
N: *smilz*
cuz I LOVE YOU!

I love her too.

What’s the matter, cowboy? Ride too rough?
I don’t like to fly.
Then what are you doing here?
I don’t like to lose either.