It’s time for another installment of Choking Yak’s Provoking Facts! I typed this up last night, so I think all the tenses are off…but it’s not like my writin’ has ever been that spiffy anyway.

– I can’t even talk about 24 right now, it’s still blowing my mind. With the exception of a five week lapse during Season 3, I’ve been watching this show on a week-by-week basis. It’s a different experience entirely when you aren’t introduced to the show by collected DVD sets or downloaded episodes, where you can just run off a dozen in a row if you can’t wait for the next one. I’ve been living for like five years having my nerves routinely busted by ridiculous cliffhangers, immediately desperate for next week the second a show is over. And now, hundreds or thousands of new 24 junkies over the world will now come to understand my pain. For it will now be their pain as well. 24 blows my fucking mind.

– There was some crazy freezing rain yesterday. I love freezing rain. I hate driving in it, but I don’t think there’s anything cooler weather-wise than freezing rain. I almost killed myself yesterday driving home, when I took my hands off the wheel to air guitar to Ooh La La on the radio…which I’m realizing now were actually piano bits that thought were guitar bits. I am a terrible driver.

– Also, when I got home from school yesterday, it looked like Mr. Freeze had attacked my house. So while I looked out over my driveway, I came to the same conclusion any other rational human being would have. I needed to air-skateboard down my frozen rained driveway. And it was awesome. I took one step out, and I was flying. And yes, the possibility that I would be taken out by a passing car if wouldn’t be able to stop at the end of the driveway did occur to me, but you can’t live life like that. But the problem with air-skateboarding downhill your driveway is that there’s no real way to get back up the driveway. Which is something that doesn’t really occur to you while you’re going down the driveway, I guess. And so I’m at the bottom of my driveway looking back up at my open garage, and all I can think about is that some random punk with cleats can just jump out of the bushes, beat me up the driveway, and run into my house before I can. So I’m frantically trying to crawl back up inch by inch, paranoid of this possible cleat-wearing house robber lurking in my bushes, and during the ten minutes it takes me to get back up I’m hit with a completely unrelated genius movie idea. Which I then obviously lock into The Vault for review later, when I’m not busy racing this unknown cleat guy. But once I get back up to the top of my driveway, I look back over it, and I’m tempted to do it all over again. And during the thirty seconds it takes me to convince myself not to do it, I forget how to open The Vault. And now I’m left with no idea.

– It’s 2:00 AM, I’m trying to find an excuse not to go to bed, and I’m finding The Colbert Report pretty funny.

– Years of clinical study have led me to the conclusion that Honey Bunches Of Oats With Real Peaches is the tasiest cereal ever. Golden Grahams and Lucky Charms are close runner-ups.

– I’m just going to run off a series of quick, unrelated sentences here about movie trailers. Harrison Ford’s got a new one, but all I hear when he talks is “Get off my plane!” When A Stranger Calls is the stupidest movie idea I’ve heard of in a long while, and I can’t imagine how this movie can be longer than half an hour. Thank You For Smoking looks awesome, and (one of my many) comedic weaknesses is an incredibly bad French accent.

“Das your doggge beit?”
“Non.”

“I thought you said your doggge dozent beit!”
“Dat iz not my doggge.”