(A Random Post)

Maybe If I Knew More Jokes

Phantom Limb – The Shins

I should not be writing in the state that I am currently in. I’m frustrated, I’m confused, I’m not feeling too good about myself…and yet I must.

Tonight was the New College/University College grad formal. It’s official title was “Thirst” (there was an open bar) and the event was supported by nice posters and cards that promised there would be a “proud celebration of achievements” (as opposed to what? An ashamed celebration? A disappointed celebration?). The event itself was fine. Julius was the head organizer, so he was nice enough to let me sit at his table and to bring along a couple of guests, Annia and Wendy. Everything was fine. The DJ was good, Annia and Wendy seemed to enjoy all the free food and I even found time to schmooze but at the end of the night…

I don’t want to make a whole thing out of this and it was late and I understand she was tired, but I pretty much got the silent treatment for the last couple of hours on the way home. Yes, we’d been hanging out all day. Yes, I screwed up the timing of our leaving so that we ended up having to wait for my brother to pick us up from Kennedy for about 45 minutes. Yes, I was being overly simplistic when discussing certain issues of her life. But still, I wish she would at least tell me to “shut up” or something. Anything. As it is, I spend a lot of time agonizing over what is going on in her head. Is it me? Is it something else? Should I care? Does she want me to care?

Anyone who reads my posts knows that I love spending time with Annia. I think she’s spectacular. But everytime we have a day like this, where she seems so inexplicably distant, well I just feel like the fucking asshole, you know? Especially considering that I am well aware that I am often her last resort when it comes to choice of company. I love her to death, but when I sense that she’s not having a good time I just feel useless. Maybe she’d be better off not wasting her time with someone like me.

*****

On a more positive note, after we dropped Annia off my brother decided he was hungry so we stopped off at Markham Station, a 24 hour diner. It was a real cool moment. I didn’t particularly enjoy the food at the formal, so I chilled out with a hot chocolate and he had a burger. That doesn’t sound too special, but he reminded me that we’d been here a couple of times before with our parents on nights that we’d come back from long road trips. It was nice that it was just us for about a half hour, riffing on life and reenacting the diner scene from Heat (I’m DeNiro by the way). My brother and I have come a long way from when we were kids and he wouldn’t let me read his comic books. I know a lot of brothers go on trips and do other exciting things, but for me, sitting around in a diner at 3:30 in the morning is as good as it gets.

Seven years in San Quentin. In the hole for three. McNeil before that.
Yeah.
Was McNeil as tough as they say?
You looking to become a penologist?
You looking to go back? I chased some crews, the guys were lookin’ to fuck up and get busted back.
You must have worked some dipshit crews.
I worked all kinds.
You see me doing thrill-seeker liquor store holdups with a “Born to Lose” tattoo on my chest?
No, I do not.

Reply

About

Destined to fight the world's evil, The WAMBAG endures massive battles involving impossible stunts, races on horse-pulled carriages, and the desecration of enchanting medieval castles (all done with dizzying computer graphics). Not only does the eye candy keep on coming, the tongue-in-cheek writing and deep Transylvanian accents perfect the film with a dose of dark humor.

Search

Subscribe

Atom, RSS 1.0, RSS 2.0 - no idea what the difference is.

Tagboard (!?!)

Apparently PHP7 doesn't support the same function calls I wrote in 2008? I should fix this at some point.

Recent Posts

Archives