Crawling out of my current self-inflicted vegetative coma-like state of apathy and lethargy to prevent four straight Big AL posts required a Herculean effort from me, the scope of which I doubt anyone will ever fully understand or grasp. I equate a four straight post streak from AL to prison rape. It’s unpleasant, invasive, demeaning, violent…and yet…strangely arousing all at the same time. And sure, maybe it happened one or twice in the past, but the details are hazy and you don’t really want to remember or acknowledge the possibility that it perhaps had indeed happened. And one way or another, you’ll be dead before it’ll ever happen again.

With that said, it’s time yet again for a ridiculously named segment I like to call…Choking Yak’s Provoking Facts.

– First off, let me just address the Eres Tu video controversy. That clip was posted to YouTube March 29th. My post was posted March 28th. If it was there when I looked for it, I would have found it. I am nothing if no completely comprehensive in my linkages. Please, I deserve more credit that that. What’s that? …is this an excuse to just post that video again? Maybe. Maybe not.

– I’ve been e-stalking this dude who not only has the same name as me, but also the sheer audacity to actually buy the domain name, like it belonged to him or something. I don’t feel right about it, because I don’t feel his site is representative of all the Choking Yak’s in the world – specifically, me. Like if someone knew me personally and wanted to check out a website to get technical specifications, FAQ’s, or warranty information or something – nothing about that site would accurately reflect anything about any other Choking Yak’s in the world. I mean this guy’s married, has a kid and is expecting another in July, and is friends with a 40 year-old black man. And he lives in England or something. I mean, that is way off base of everything I do and represent in my life. That’s like hosting a hate literature website advocating violence against infants and/or Mexicans, and registering it under like MandyMoore.com or something. That’s not right!

Though what’s really weird is that my wholesome doppelganger works at a company that specializes in VoIP Telephony Solutions…which oddly enough…is pretty much exactly what I do. I’m no statistician, but I’d statistize that the chances of that ain’t so big. It’s not like we’re both “farmers” or even “computer programmers.” No, we both specifically work within the field of Voice over Internet Protocol technology, and specifically it’s application in regards to Telephony Solutions. It just had to be noted in particular.

This is all some sort of sick game I have no intention of playing. That’ll teach me to stalk random internet strangers. (…actually, no, it probably won’t.)

– Quickly, before NBC shoots it down – another SNL Digital Short, Dear Sister. Just awesomely retarded. My favourite bit about the short is probably Fred Armisen’s expression at the end. Though my favourite bit about the whole thing in general is how the video description on the YouTube page explicitly states in capital letters “SONG NAME IS HIDE AND SEEK BY IMOGEN!!!” and yet 95% of all the comments are along the lines of “what is the name of that song” or “who sings that song” or “what is the name of that song and who sings it” questions. As usual, the YouTube comments are almost as funny as the actual video.

– I hate the vending machine at work. It’s the printer in my personal Office Space. I want to dig into that bastard so viciously that I have to be dragged off of it.

– I know, I know. We’ve all felt it. The Gay Quotient of this site has been dangerously low. So allow me to pump *clap clap* it up!

…also, Fagats gay orgy with M. Bison – straight up, the most retarded thing I have ever posted in the four year history of this site. Maybe you think I’m joking or you don’t quite believe me because you think I don’t quite understand just how stupid some of the things I’ve posted before are…but just watch it and you will have no choice but to agree.

– And finally, the big fat juicy link that could have easily supported the weight of its own post…Adam McKay and Will Ferrell (but mostly Ferrell) in The Landlord. It’s so stupid and so simple that it almost brings me to tears.

I’m not – I’m not doing so good, Pearl.