Cheap Thrills

Cannot Get Started – Handsome Furs

I’m dreaming at a feverish pace these days. It’s one of the reasons, other than my being a lazy bastard, that I can’t seem to get out of bed easily. Luckily, the rest of the world continues to move on without me and I’m inevitably rattled out of my stupor by a phone call around noon. As mentioned in previous posts, my dreams are always about going on strange trips and everyone I know is coming with me. The latest involved a wedding and a gigantic cruise ship.

The wedding one was strange. It didn’t start off as a wedding, but it involved that girl Lesley who I’ve had a couple of English classes with and who I think is incredibly hot. I spent the whole dream chasing her and by the end, she was about to go off on her honeymoon but then she turned around at the last minute. I thought she was going to speak with me, but she had to go back into this house to solve a murder or something. Strange, right? The cruise ship one was even weirder and Daniel Hocking was prominently involved. We were all on this cruise, but at some point in the dream it transformed into a shopping mall. And then the mall began flooding with what was either apple juice or urine, I can’t be sure. The dream ended with me looking for…someone. I’m not sure who.

I should stop eating so much before I go to bed.

*****

William and I went to catch the Oakland-Toronto game Monday night. He brought along a family friend, which was good because I wanted to visit my friend Emily who works at one of the souvenir stands. I could trust William and John to jerk each other off while I indulged myself. Emily is another friend from the Science Fiction class I took this summer. She’s cool to talk to and I spent a couple of innings hanging out at her stand because the game was as boring as…well, as boring as a baseball game can get. The only uncomfortable thing about it was that her co-worker was this good looking blonde girl, whose name escapes me and for now shall be referred to as “Leggy Blonde”. Leggy Blonde almost coerced me into buying this stupid hand puppet called a “Domer”, which I’m to believe was an ill-fated attempt to create a cute mascot during the early days of the Skydome. Here’s a picture for those of you unfamiliar with this thing. The way she pitched it to me was just adorable. Luckily, Emily’s intervention and my own gayness saved me from making an ill-fated purchase.

On a side note, as of this posting the Blue Jays have not scored more than five runs since August 8. Oh yeah!

*****

On Tuesday, I had to save Shirley from pulling a Max Wong and going to see the new Harry Potter movie by herself. It was funny because when we got to the theatre, there was only one other guy there and I just know that Shirley would have sat next to him and talked to him throughout the movie if I wasn’t with her. I spared that guy a world of hurt, let me tell you. I’ll get to the review in a minute. The real highlight was Shirley asking me to accompany her to a Sunoco station afterwards to help her pump gas because she’d never done it before. This isn’t the most complicated thing in the world, but then I remembered who I was dealing with and I decided that I would help her out. So I had a couple of driving firsts here. One, I had to follow her vehicle, which I was nervous about ever since that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry was trying to follow George to a cottage and everyone got lost. I did okay. During that time, I also had my first “singing in the car by myself unashamedly” moment. The song was More Than A Woman by the Bee Gees. I love that song and I’m glad I could share that moment with the Brothers Gibb. It’s such a light, fluffy tune and imitating the guy’s voice is just so humiliating and liberating. It was perfect.

I’m glad that Shirley asked me to supervise her pumping gas even though she knows how incompetent I am when it comes to most areas of logic and common sense. Obviously, there wasn’t much for me to do besides watch, but there was a funny/scary moment where she was pumping the gas and it started making this strange, er, gurgling sound. I can honestly say I’ve never been more afraid of getting blown up, but then again that doesn’t come up too often so it’s a short list. She did a fine job and I was happy to help. See? I’m easy to win over. All that is needed is a slight suggestion of dependence or trust and I feel like a champion. My weakness is revealed.

*****

A few words about Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix and Superbad. I can’t believe that Brian actually liked Phoenix. It’s terrible. The pacing is so slow (despite the movie being a reasonable two hours), the characters aren’t fleshed out, the action scenes suck…ugh, really bad. We’ll argue about this soon, I’m sure.

Superbad was funny. I wouldn’t say I liked it more than Knocked Up, but I can definitely say it provided more laughs than The Simpsons Movie (which I thoroughly enjoyed) and Hot Rod (which I’m still mixed on). The first 30-40 minutes are just comedy gold with Michael Cera and Jonah Hill doing their awkward and outraged (respectively) routines to perfection. The movie does slow down in the middle as a lot of focus is put on the third guy and the cops, which is funny but distracts from the main plot. Also, as Gary pointed out, the females in the story don’t have too much to do. Still, another triumph for Judd Apatow and his boys and a movie that will hopefully spawn several useful quotes.

*****

Some YouTube clips that I’m sure I ripped off from Kotaku.com in one way or another.

First, here’s a review for Fable done by this British guy who talks really fast and makes astute and hilarious observations. You may need to watch it twice to pick everything up. Apparently, he’s going to start providing weekly reviews so keep your eye open for that.

I’m almost sure you guys have heard about this Phillipino prison warden who has decided to use dance to rehabilitate the inmates. Well, now you definitely have. Here they are performing the routine from Thriller: Parts 1 & 2.

*****

The other night, William and I were talking and we had this exchange:

William: It’s a brave new world.
Me: Then why am I so scared?

Have you ever had a threesome?
Nearly.
What do you mean “nearly”?
I’ve had a twosome.
Wow, what was that like?
Great. I’ve done it several times, man.
Just one of you there and then one…
Yeah.
Oh no no, I’ve had a twosome! That’s the…that’s the normal way.